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today, whilst chef, I discovered that you can fit a maxed out burger into a skrell headpocket. I'm enjoying the mental imagery

Well my first day of playing was mostly dedicated to learning the controls and wandering around. My second day playing I decided I'd learned enough controls and in a fit of naive bravery I joined a round as a Security Officer. I proceeded to harmbaton two Vox to near-death because my stun baton didn't seem to work (spoiler alert: it wasn't turned on.) Got bwoinked, admitted my fuck-up, went to the HoP and got a job change then wallowed in self-pity for the rest of the round. Didn't play Security for probably 6 months after that.

There's room for it and maybe there will be less dirty plates around because people will throw them away

Nice sprites.

First time ever i played paradise was about eight or nine months ago, i used to play goon and got bored of it, i moved to paradise and tried it out, i joined in as a janitor i tried to find the closet till someone helped me, i got my stuff for cleaning, so i then started to clean the hallways and stuff, some people shoved me for that, i then topped up in RND.. i asked, ''What is this place?'' they said ''This is the place where we make the best techs'' and i said ''Oh so.. it's like.. engineering?'' then he said ''Engineering can suck it'' Then he hands me an advanced mop, i used it and it was neat, i went to the bar because there i could chat with people and get intel about the new station, i asked for tequila and a drink, since that moment when i saw security officers, i found them.. rough.. with those jackboots they seemed badass and like if they were into serious business, thats when i wanted to be a officer, but i had to wait for the cooldown. I went to arrivals but then there was vines, i was trapped and couldn't get out, but then some nice guy saved me. Then a blob appeared at cargo, i went there to check out whats going on, someone told me to run but i said ''I wanna fight it'' i fought the blob with my super robust welding tool, i atleast died trying.

The biggest thing I remember from my first round was the fact it was an extended round, that it was actually fun RPing just as a civie and learning the way things are, my first cloning after getting stupid with the air tanks... low stress, lots of time to learn the (IC) rules and systems in place... At the end of the round, imagine my disappointment when I'm told the truth about how chaotic it gets with traitors, vampires, wizards, changelings, shadowlings, cultists... and that an extended round is not likely to happen again. Next round, 10 minutes into the game I get kidnapped by a vampire and eaten, then cremated.

Strap in, gents. This is going to be a long one. We are completely reworking how Executions work, so anyone and everyone that even remotely plays Security, get a good read on the following: In Legal Standard Operating Procedure - Execution General: Point 7: Becomes: Point 8 becomes Point 9. New Point 8: This means that while a fax being sent is required, Central Command does NOT need to reply for the execution to go through. In Space Law: The following segment: Becomes: Additionally... The following segment: Becomes: In regards to Manslaughter, the Notes have been changed from: To: The greatest change, however, is that we will be splitting Capital Crimes into 2 categories: Exceptional Crimes and Capital Crimes. Murder and Mutiny would remain in Capital Crimes; all previously "Capital" crimes are moved to the Exceptional Crimes category. The latter may not by punishable by execution. As such, the preamble to Exceptional Crimes becomes: And the preamble for Capital Crimes becomes: This means that ONLY TWO CRIMES are punishable by Execution now. Finally, the definition of murder has been changed from: To: Rules on Lethal Force, as it applies outside of the Brig and formalized sentencing, remain unchanged.

So there I am last night, Chief Engineer again with a pretty good crew. Which is good, because the order comes down from CentCom: build the dreaded Bluespace Artillery. We swing into gear, making RCDs for everyone and building a room south of Secure Storage to hold our science project. Takes us quite a while, mainly due to lack of Bluespace crystrals, and meanwhile there's apparently vampires on the station. Whatever. Between the BSA project and the inevitable hull breaches I'm way too busy to care about a few bloodsuckers. Most of the station, however, does not share my opinion- after the Captain and HoS decide to parole the captured vampires there was a great hue and cry, with the Chaplain leading the call for a crusade against the bloodsuckers and preaching hellfire and damnation over the radio. About this time we finish the artillery and I go looking for a GPS to test-fire it, which takes waaaay longer than it should have. In the meantime, the admins decide, in the spirit of jolly fun, to declare that nobody will be punished OOC for participating in the Crusade. Cue, of course, a lynch mob making its way towards the Brig- either the vampire never actually got paroled, or he was in protective custody there. About that time I finally get the GPS out into the Toxins testing area and get clear. My second, Reyes, and I have the following conversation over the radio: CE: "Okay, lock on to the GPS called FIRE." Reyes: "...I'm at the console. It's already been fired." CE: "Wait, by who? At what?" (Someone on common): THE BRIG JUST BLEW UP!!! Random, mild mannered mechanic: DEUS VULT, BROTHERS! CE & Eng, and whole department: Shit. Utter fucking chaos ensues. We run to the BSA with murder in our eyes, find it empty, then run to the brig to try to fix it, while the station command structure tries to find out who's dead and who's alive. The other vampire is running for his life, the mob is still baying for blood, and the only good part of the whole picture was that the Chaplain seemed to have been caught in the BSA blast. We're trying to patch things up when a voice comes over Engi coms: Unknown(Engineering): Thanks for leaving secure storage open, brothers. Whole department: SHIT! This time he got Medbay. Like, all of it. I get to Engineering with my welder out. Reyes meets me there, fire axe in hand. No words need be spoken. We run down to the BSA, the mechanic runs, and suddenly there are carp. Because of course there are carp. And xenomorphs all of a sudden. The carp finish me and I spend the rest of the round in deadchat... ...but I do get to see, from beyond the grave, Reyes catch the mechanic, chop him into pieces with the axe, and put his head outside Engineering as a warning to- well, I'm not sure who. But it needed to happen. That's it, except that this is the kind of story I feel compelled to end with, "and that's how it all happened, Your Honor."