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It seems some pictures of the calendars ended in the screenshot thread too...

As you can see, yeah it says the title by itself i, having nothing to do , join a round as clown, then i procceed to open a site of good puns and jokes (this level of shithttp://www.punoftheday.com/cgi-bin/disppuns.pl?ord=F) so later in the round the tesla was released and we got Shuttle called , we escaped, END But then, in the next round, i dind't get clown, sadly, then i started speaking good puns and jokes in Radio, then i got a IDEA use megaphones on itercomms, proceeded to the courtroom and hit the window until it got moved, got the megaphone, then i just got library and used the puns from the site above and just spoke 56 of these puns, B.U.P. and some other people started shitting at me, then a minute after a girl that tried to hit me before, came with a HYBRID TURRET GUN !!!!! and just started lasering me until death, because i was ripping their ears apart telling puns with a megaphone on radio Then i ahelped it, asking to know if it was legit or something, nomzy said to me it WANS'T legit and i just said him i had to go out( i had to go to hospital my arm is just bad) he asked me if he should do the things or just let it go, then i said, ''do it, but do it fun'' and from there i really don't know what happened. i just wanted people would get one more reason or RPING before killing me other than just come lasering me because i'm telling puns on radio, like, kidnapp me and tell me the worst puns or something, just don't kill me without anything at all, even more if you are a normal civ with a hybrid turret which you shoulnd't have

Balancing the game for new players is bad idea. This is not supposed to be an easy game.

This one happened about 2-3 months ago but it's worthy of being told n I completely forgot to. I'll name this "Where's my office?" I spawn as Warden. No HOS. That's fine. Nothing unusual to start. Things are slow. About 15 min in a HOS shows up. His name is John Blennon -.- IC he says "Can I have a taser? Sry I didn't spawn with 1" Oh Lord I'm like "Why don't you take YOUR laser from your office?" Him "Where is my office?" Me (dead inside) "Let me show you..." I escort him to his office, he says "Thk u" I drag my feet back to my quarters. The captain is there. I salute "Greetings captain, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Captain "Hi...is my office around here?" IRL I'm like ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Me "Not here...let me show you..." I escort him to the bridge. Inform sec what just happened on sec comms n they are like "Ohhh shit...one of these shifts..." Blueshield greets us at the bridge. While the captain inspecting thier office with the fascination of a young child, I pull the Blueshield aside. Blueshield "You look mighty fine in that skirt and sandals" I whisper "Wanted to give you a heads up, this captain and HOS literally did not know where thier offices were. We've got our work cut out for us...PLEASE keep a close eye on the captain and show them what's what" Blueshield leans in "You. Me. Bar. 12:35." I'm like "I'm busy, tend to the captain!" and stomp back to the brig. I'm dazed. Maya Stewart is there as magistrate. I inform her of the situation. She is like "Oh lord...let me see what I can do" and walks off. I'm starving, go to the sec lobby to grab a cup of chicken soup from the vending and while I'm standing there a nukie walks by in the hallways towards the bridge. I inform sec on comms, open the armory, grab a shotgun, and run towards the bridge. The captain and Blueshield have no idea what happening. I give the captain the disk, the pinpointer to the Blueshield and I'm like "NUKIES!". Blueshield is in the middle of the bridge and is like "Hey there doll, take it easy. You reconsider that date?" immediately after saying that a nukie with dual esword comes up behind him and decaps him. Clueless. I fire off a few shots before my agony is finally ended by the sweet release of death. Don't really remember what happened after that aside from the nukies successfully blowing the station up. I was probably furious and salting in deadchat. Maybe that's why I forgot to post the story. I may have blocked it from my mind until now.

Name: Steven Stingray Age: 30 Gender: Male Race: Slime Person (He was a human before) Blood Type: 0- Water General Occupational Role(s): - Medicine, Security and Chef Biography: Recording…. -Test test… good this is working. Interview requested by Matthew Crysten from Central Command, Detective Kennard Rose here, subject Steven Stingray with me and ready to begin. Did you really need to make all of this bla bla bla i’m so cool clique? -Yes. Well whatever, let’s start with this, and pass me the ashtray. -Alright, Steven, first I wanna thank you for coming here to my office off-station to get this interview done. You know this has been requested by Central Command after the information wipe they had due to a syndicate hacker playing with the database. I was also told that your human DNA backup was wiped in this attack, am I right? Well, it’s not like I can confirm that. It could be a lot of bullshit, but it’s not like it’s a big deal to me at this point. Let’s start from the beginning so I don’t get confused with the timeline thing. -Good idea. There were only able to save a little bit of information, so I know your parents’ real last name and the fact you were born on Luna. Can you tell me more? That’s correct, my “real” last name should be Garland and I was born on Luna 27 years ago. Both my parents were researchers who used to work for… actually, I don’t really know, I’m not even sure if that’s true. The thing is, when I was 1 year old, they left me with my grandma to do some research and work stuff. Sometimes I want to believe that story, but it’s hard, y’know… I feel like I was not wanted or they weren’t ready to take care of a child… Living with my grandma was nice; I have good memories from my time with her. She didn’t want me to go to school, so she taught me how to write and read at home, and some basic things like history, geography, and all that child crap. Sadly, she passed away when I was only 9 years old. -I’m sad to hear that. What did you do? You were only a child, did you have any other family members, your grandma’s friends, anything? Honestly no, or at least I was never told if I had more family around. After I found my grandma dead that morning, sitting on her couch, was open the door and run. I just… ran. -Sounds like you were really scared about being alone. I understand that. Where did you go? I can’t remember what I was feeling, all I know is that I ran, ran like there was no fucking tomorrow. I ended up at the Port Royale, I tried to blend in with the children of the guys who worked there. I got food and slept around the crates, until he finally found me. -He? Who are we talking about? You see, a lot of people who worked there were lowlifes, moving crates and shipping cargo, and commerce in the port was pretty much always the same. Luna always kept things in the hands of humans for some reason, almost no borgs were allowed to work there. Back to the topic, sorry if I sometimes go too far, but all this bullshit just kind of fucking pours into my head when I’m asked, and I’m talking too much once again. coughs Thing is, one morning I was there, sitting on the crates of a ship, looking nowhere, without any kind of shit hope to survive, then a bald guy with a – I must say – magnificent hobo beard comes towards me. I was really scared because mate, that guy was huge! He sat down next to me and asked what I was doing there; I explained my situation the best I could, and he said that he used to have a child, but his wife left with the kid, and that he saw in me something that reminded him of that feeling of… protecting or whatever. The thing is, he asked me to come with him to stop sleeping on the floor and well, I was hella desperate and the guy seemed nice, so I said yes. -This is how you got adopted right? Sounds like it happened really quickly. How was it? Really fucking good, actually. He told me his name was “Stingray;” I remember asking “what kind of name is that” because I found it funny. He said people in the port take wildlife names or surnames to make it easy to identify themselves. He was using that name for so long at that point, he almost forgot his real one, and you know, I don’t know is real name, but we never needed it. Life after that was really good, I remember working with him at the port – the long shifts of work and then coming back home to eat something warm, watch TV, and laugh about random shit. It was a really normal and poor life, since we didn’t had much money or a nice house, but I felt good that I finally had a father… When I turned 15 and was able to work at the port “legally,” I lied about my name and said it was “Steven Stingray”… I still remember my father crying after I said that. After that, life got a bit hard. Being a “real” worker there means that I had to learn how to speak Gutter, how to deal with Sol Gov people, the art of steal, and a lot of shit that was going around all the time behind the scenes of a sick opera. I learned there that my father was a big head among the thieves of the port – some kind of Luna mafia against Sol Gov for who the fuck knows why honestly, all I knew is that Sol people were “tradeband pricks” and I was told we had to steal from them. I started a life of hard work, street fights, and well, theft. Honestly, it wasn't so bad until well, I had a bit of an… accident in a fight. -Honestly, I’m kind of surprised you thought that was a good idea, but being raised by someone with a shifty morale compass makes it understandable. Hey, you’re talking about my father fucker, i don't care about it, he was my father -Alright, alright, calm down, I’m sorry. So what happened in that incident? Zippo lighter sounds Pause Yes, well, there was this weird guy. Me and a friend had been looking at him for some time. He was wearing a white lab coat and wouldn’t stop running around from one store to another like if he was looking for something. We noticed he was holding a really fat backpack – that usually meant drugs or money, and both things were a good target for a nice old fashion mugging. We managed to corner him in a dark alleyway, to get his backpack quick and run away, but it was the first time I ran into someone so crazy that he just… took out a gun and shot at us… I can still remember the sound of the bullets passing by me, looking at my friend falling to the ground, the feel of the metal getting lodged in my left arm and a rush of… I don’t know how to call it mate, but fuck, the asshole shot at us before we could even say or do anything. I was fast enough to take out a pocket knife and put it inside his throat… that was when I realized the scenario… Pause It was me, standing there, with 2 bullets in my left arm, a guy puking blood at my feet, my partner… dead and I just felt… panic. I took the backpack and ran to my place. My father let me in; he was mad and worried and a lot of things… all I remember is that I passed out after a few minutes. -I uh… That’s quite the situation… What happened next? I remember not wanting to leave my place, drinking myself to sleep, and a really bad depression was going around. My father had to work all day so I spent most of my days alone at home, drinking and smoking… all that crap was only for a fucking stupid book about some kind of secret project virus thing. A few months after I turned 20, my father came back home early, and told me he enlisted me in the NSV Luna station project. I was going to go live there, get a clean job, study, and start a new life. He felt guilty about how his way of life drove me to this and wanted a better future for me. I remember we hugged that day and I was crying like crazy. The next day, I got my backpack and went to the station – it was a really nice place. I was quickly accepted to work at the bar, and I enlisted to study biology and get basic self-defense training. I lived in the NSV Luna for 7 years. I ended up working in the medbay when I graduated. After studying that virology book I stole from that poor guy, and doing some good research, I was able to understand it and a sudden rush of guilt came to me to kick me in the nuts. It was a project about a super healing virus and I needed to make it real. -That is how you ended up working for Nanotrasen? And I can tell why I worked as a detective for them. I contacted them and was offered to work in a research facility. I accepted the… very weird contract and started working there since… February, I believe. -Good, good, I think this is almost all the information I was asked to get… Ah yes, one more thing. How exactly did you have your… transformation? Ah the Slime thing? Well, the Cyberiad is really fucked up, people there are like, mental and all that kind of shit. I remember having a friend there, called Phillips, guy was a cunt but a nice one, he was the first Slime I met and we used to talk a lot. One day when he was at Xenobio, he called me over for some kind of black slime experiment that would turn me into a slime. The thing is, it was going to be a temporary thing, but “temporary” ended up being forever after my DNA data was wiped from the system from that hack shit. It was weird at first but... I got used to it, but I'm too damn different from the native slimes... they are fucking weird. -That is all Steven, I will print this transcript and send it to Central Command to keep a record. Thanks for your time and well, I’ll see you at the station. click Qualifications: Master Degree on Medicine and pharmaceutical knowledge Security training and street fights Virology Employment Records: Bartender and Medical NSV Luna for 7 years Medbay and Security at NSS Cyberiad for 3 years Security Records: Major Crimes: 1 Murder 1) He stole a backpack from a unknown researcher and killed him in "self defense", there is no proof about him more than his own voice recorded when he explain what happened. Medical Records: He was turned into a Slime Person after a black slime experiment made by Steven Phillips, his human dna records where wiped so there was no turning back from that. Personnel Photo: Fan Art: I LOVE every single piece of art i get for my boy steven, if you made one and i missed it, let me know so i upload it here. Thank you so much. Other Notes: Anxious and a big nicotine adict Favorite Drink: White Russian - Doctor's Delight - Coffe latte (Anything with cream) Favorite Smokes: Premium Havana cigar

Saline is such an easily mass producable chem, and people like to abuse that by loading up on hundreds of units of it for endless free heals. Another cheesy powergamer strategy, down the drain.

Name: Beverage Experiences Enhanced by Robots (B.E.E.R) Age: 33 Gender: Male Race: Integrated Positronic Chassis (IPC) Blood Type: N/A General Occupational Role(s): Bartender Biography: Beverage Experiences Enhanced by Robots, called B.E.E.R from here on out, was created on a planet that was known as "The planet of the bars." B.E.E.R was designed to serve drinks in bars across the planet; with one hand looking like a cup holder, and his internal memory linked to various databases of recipes. Turns out, a planet's economy cannot be supported by only bars, and so the economy crashed. As the planet descended into chaos, B.E.E.R left, and has been serving drinks around the galaxy ever since. After a while, B.E.E.R found the NSS Cyberiad, and came on board as a bartender. He immediately took a liking to the place and the crew there. B.E.E.R has been working on the Cyberiad for two years. B.E.E.R is now happily married to L.I.L.Y. They spent their honeymoon in an undisclosed location. When asked further, B.E.E.R simply lit a cigarette, and walked away. Qualifications: Bartender, Pilot Employment Records: Bartender since manufacture. Security Records: Was a religious fanatic once Multiple counts of aggravated assault. One victim found in disposals, cablecuffed, heavily burnt; with glass shards in their head and broken ribs. Detective found beanbag fibres on the victim's chest. B.E.E.R defended his position with claims of "I warned them" and "Should have stayed on their own goddamn side of the counter." Head of Security's note: Always ask B.E.E.R to step out from behind the counter. Medical Records: This crew member is an IPC, take them to robotics. Psychologist's notes: B.E.E.R seems to be quite depressed, despite his apparent chipper nature. He also seems to be suffering from PTSD, due to some incident in his past. B.E.E.R appears to cope with this condition by drinking and smoking in times of stress. B.E.E.R now wears a gold locket, and seems quite attached to it. Any attempts to open or remove it are responded to with violence. Will see if he can talk more of it. Personnel Photo (Appearance text): A machine designed entirely to run a bar or drink it. Speaks in a deep monotone voice, but you seem to get the impression that he is relaxed. His chassis looks rather new, apart from a huge crack across his screen, and a lot of scratches on the monitor Commendations [only to be added by admin]: Reprimands [only to be added by admin]: Other Notes: A few renditions of B.E.E.R

I remember Maidbay. Good times, calendars sold to all.

He's cool to be with on Sec rounds.

Updated with new information and added a year to his age

Hey! B.E.E.R here! First off, you mentioned your favorite drink! I will remember that. Also, I don't see my name anywhere on there ?

The gateway missions should be difficult, and hard to survive. It's something you're going out of your way to do. Most gateway missions provide you with ranged options inside them anyways, and even if they don't, it's very simple to just cheese the mobs as others have mentioned.

Cluwneops. Cluwne'sie/Honkmother. Bannanium nuclear weaponry. Cluwnitis. Cluwne ERT. Cluwne abductors. The Cluwne Clan. Revecluwneries. Cluwneomancers. Cluwnelings. Clunwnecomm. Obviously they're all pitifully ineffective, but imagine the horror...

Most of my IPCs have the abbreviation mean something, which is why they have such... "creative" names.

The details about this match are kind of hazy but I'm going to try and summarize happened, especially when it comes to what people said because I don't have an actual log to go off of, just memory. I created a character named Skippy Lebouf who is a 17 year old boy with bowl cut hair, prescription glasses, a fanny pack, and a love for detective comics. The shift starts and Skippy runs over toward the HoP's office and gets in line. Hopeful that he'll be able to live out his dream, Skippy asks the HoP if he could be dubbed "Junior Detective" to help the real detective fight against crime just like in his comic books. The HoP gets on his radio and though it feels like an eternity, a mere minute goes by and no response. Fed up, the HoP yells about how nobody answers the damn radio when he needs something and says "fuck it." He takes Skippy's ID and labels it as Skippy Lebouf (Junior Detective). Excited, Skippy thanks the HoP and runs toward the brig, ready to vanquish the evil-doers that would do the station harm. Skippy arrives at the security lobby and past the red-tinted windows spots the real deal detective named "I can't remember" (I'll just call him Detective A). Lebouf introduces himself to the professional detective, standing there in his traditional brown trench coat, hat, and sunglasses. Eager to get to work, Skippy asks if there is evil afoot but alas the detective tells him that there isn't much happening at the moment. Just then, the two are informed of a dead body in the morgue. Detective A tells Skippy to grab some black gloves because he may need his help on this case. Dying for some action, Skippy grabs a pair of black gloves from the detective closet and the two make their way toward Medbay. The detective and the junior arrive in the morgue where the coroner is already working on the body. Detective A begins to use his forensic scanner to get information and reads the reports that the coroner has printed out. Skippy pukes in disgust as an awful stench emits from the body. Unfortunately there isn't a whole lot of information to go off of and Detective A decides it's best that they try and investigate maintenance but not until after grabbing a quick drink at the bar. After Detective A's drink its off to Enigneering Maintenance. During this time Skippy, whom is still unfamiliar with the station, manages to lose track of Detective A. Unsure of what to do next, Skippy decides to head back to the detectives office and wait for his arrival. Some time goes by but the detective never shows up. Skippy tries messaging the detective via PDA but never gets a reply either. He asks the other security officers if they've seen the detective but none of them seem too interesting in talking to the junior detective. A few moments later the A.I. announces that a new detective has arrived on station. The new detective arrives in the office (we'll call her Detective B). Skippy is both ecstatic but confused with the new partner. He informs her of everything he and the previous detective have been working on but doesn't know how to proceed from there. The all the information is dumped and introductions are out of the way, the two head out into the security main hallway where a few officers are dragging people into the processing room. Detective B spots syringe on the ground and decides to pick it up, "accidently" injecting herself with whatever it contained. Suddenly, and to the horror of Skippy Lebouf, Detective B's flesh begins to melt away and what was once the detective is now a monkey. Skippy Lebouf screams at the haunting transformation of his newly assigned teacher/mentor. The Head of Security approaches the scene and asks what happened as the monkey climbs into a vent and disappears. Skippy, panic stricken, explains how the detective injected herself with the syringe and transformed. The HoS leaves and the monkey crawls back out of the vent. Skippy and the monkey walk back into the detectives office and the monkey points to a cigarette pack. Skippy lights a cigarette for the monkey and it enjoys it's last taste of nicotine before committing suicide right in front of Skippy. A wave of panic and desperation crash upon Skippy as he witnesses the monkey fall to the floor. He yells out to the monkey and immediately begins dragging it toward medbay. Upon arrival a doctor analyzes Skippy's vitals but Skippy points at the monkey and yells at them to help the dead detective. It's no use, the doctor informs Lebouf that their is nothing they can do for the animal and gives him a hug before heading back behind the medbay doors. Still shocked at what just happened, Skippy is barely able to walk outside medbay. Snapping out of his aimless gaze, the junior detective spots a man dragging a bleeding body toward the bridge. Lebouf thinks to himself "Why isn't he taking him to medbay? Something isn't right" and begins giving chase. Skippy manages to stop the man in front of the bridge and asks where he's taking the body. The man says he's taking the body to security because the one being dragged is a wanted fellow. Skippy informs him that he'll take over from here and bring the body up to the brig. The man glances at Skippy's ID card and laughs "Junior Detective? What are you? Robin?" and says that he doesn't trust him and begins running off with the body. Skippy yells at him to stop but to no avail and gives chase. Unfortunately for the junior detective, he loses track of the body snatcher, unable to keep up due to injuries sustained to the legs from earlier. (I don't remember how I got them) Disappointed in himself for all the failures he's had as a detective, Skippy starts to realize that being a detective isn't as glorious as the comic books made it out to be. You don't always catch the villian, you don't always save the innocent, and you don't always make it out alive. Dejected, Lebouf slowly walks back toward the brig almost close to tears. Once he arrives back at Security, Skippy enters the detectives office and slumps into the office chair, eyeing the flask on the table. He doesn't pay attention to any of the comms, none of the announcements, nothing. He just stares blankly at the ceiling without a thought but snaps back into reality once he realizes that the shuttle has already docked at the station. Since he never got his legs looked at, Skippy begins limping his way toward the escape bay. Most of the station is engulfed in darkness; most of the stations lights seems to have been broken with a few glowshrooms dimly lighting some of the hallways. As the junior detective almost crosses into the eastern main hallway, he hears someone yell "DETECTIVE!" He looks back and sees the Captain calling for him. The Captain tells Skippy that they needs to avoid the escape shuttle and should take the security escape pod instead. Unable to speak nor grasp the severity of the situation, Skippy freezes in place not knowing what to do. The Captain acts quickly and begins dragging Skippy with him back toward the escape pod. There they meet two more security officers and they begin to get on the pod, laying down to make room for everybody. Skippy enters the pod first and makes room for the Captain, just then, a small explosion causes the front end of the escape pod to open up to space. The Captain is sucked out into the vacuum of space and cries for help. The two security officers outside the pod doors are too shocked to reaction quickly to what has happened. Skippy is lying on the escape pod's floor unable to get up and in bad condition thanks to the explosion. The Captain manages to get himself back inside and exits the pod before it takes off with Skippy still inside. The escape pod has been launched toward central without a front end. There isn't much else the junior detective can do but lay there as the cold embrace of space slowly starts taking over his body. He knows that central isn't that far off but doesn't feel like he can hold out any longer. Skippy Lebouf takes a final look at the stars as they whiz by, wondering how things could have been different. The junior detective draws his last breathe and then nothing. There is only silence... A minute later, the pod arrives at central command. The world can be cruel sometimes kid.