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Psychologist's Report B.E.E.R ---------------click--------------- Recording starts: "Welcome back, B.E.E.R, how are we feeling today?" "Suppose I'm alright, Mr. Kingston." "It's Dr. Kingston. (a pause) Anyway, I hear you just got married, congratulations." "Heh, thanks." (A faint clink could be heard) "What's that? Oh, a locket, how nice. What's insi- B.E.E.R, please put the molotov down. Where did you even get that?" PAUSE "Well then. B.E.E.R is now married, he seems quite content with that, if a little... defensive. I think I will need to gain more trust before I even ask about the locket again. Perhaps in the next meeting, I will ask of that story. We will see. (The sound of a printer can be heard, followed by rustling) B.E.E.R seems to be a lot more violent over odd things, as I just received a fax about a security incident on the Cyberiad. Apparently, B.E.E.R smashed a bottle over someone's head, lit them on fire, and threw them in disposals for, and this is a quote from him on here, "jumping over my damn bar, despite many warnings." This is quite a concern, I will talk with him about it in the next meeting." END REPORT

Name: Zsi Gender: Male Orientation: Undisclosed Nicknames/Alias: None Recorded Picture: Kindly drawn by Fei Hazelwood (FeiH). Age/D.O.B: Unclear, Physically Mature. Place Of Birth: Arkship IIb Species: Grey Blood Type: AB+ Alignment: Good Affiliation: Nanotrasen Religious Beliefs: Complicated. Seen too much redspace shit to be an atheist, but doesn't trust enties from outside of realspace. Childhood: Born on Schedule. No Genetic Deviancies. Xenobiology Researcher. Adulthood: Logistics and Human Resources Fanatic. Applies his Xenosociological theories to Security, Human Resources and Medical work. Absorbs as much SOP and Space Law as possible to become the ultimate administrator and bureaucrat. Detailed Information Appearance: Very little genetic deviation is present in the face of this Grey. Large black eyes, an almost identical face to many other Greys that come and go from the Cyberiad. In this picture he is wearing an alien face shirt. His neck slouches forward a little, giving him a laboured and nervous bearing, though this is just a trait of his species. Long fingers and thin-sinewed arms hand down by his sides as he stands in front of a measurement wall which seems to show him to be about 5'11 in height. Zsi moves and shifts about with a nervous, almost restless energy. He's prone to small tics like snapping his fingers, spinning and pacing and flipping a full 360 degrees. When he tries to smile, or frown or snarl he often produces a gurning rictus. Facial expressions not being instinctual to Greys, it's likely his uncanny-valley triggering attempt to ingratiate himself with multicultural society. Character Voice: A flat, monotone drone occasionally punctuated with awkward pauses and jarring, stilted emphasis of words when he makes puns. When angry or stressed to the point where he elevates his voice, his voice emits a nasal, reedy screeching. Personality: Zsi is at ease with deindividualisation and has no issues becoming part of a greater organisation. He throws himself fully into whatever work he is assigned and accomplishes it as effectively and humanely as he can manage. He's easy going and enjoys friendly relationships with a variety of coworkers and civilians. However, he does struggle noticeably to form meaningful connections and he has admitted to some fears that his relationships with his fellow Cyberiad colleagues are superficial in nature. He enjoys coffee, creating dumb personas out of costumes he wears and music and dance of all types. Zsi does, however, have an addictive personality. He is easily hooked on caffeine, and tends not to reach for the healthy sleeper treatment to addiction than falls into the denial and fix-seeking tendencies once afflicted. Morphine, Various types of Coffee and Space Drugs have all hit him at some point or another. To this point he refuses to smoke or consume alcohol or drugs if he can help it. He's a compulsive neat freak and hates mess and disorder. He's also not brave, and though he has too much professional pride to outright cave into cowardice, he's far more likely to fire and flee from a threat than he is to fire and pursue. Medical Record: August 28th 2561 - Detox for Caffeine Addiction September 1st 2561 - Detox for Caffeine Addiction September 12th 2561 Detox for Caffeine Addiction September 26th 2561 - Hospitalised for extreme water burns over 80% of his body. Was brought in next to a charred plasma-man body. September 29th 2561 - Retrieved from an unauthorised quantum pad expedition on board the cyberiad, deceased on arrival. Corpse quarantined as a highly virulent strain of brainrot was found in his cells and the body destroyed. He was then cloned from backup. Security Record: November 2nd 2561 - Convicted of Manslaughter of a Command Officer. Due to extenuating circumstances, he was demoted to Officer, sentenced to a spell in the brig. Compliant and contrite throughout the process. Character Biography Background: Raised in the Xenobiology Commune of Arkship IIb. He claims to have many happy memories studying inter-species diplomatic tapes, filing medical and biochemical data and analysing stool samples from an early age. Zsi remembers how quiet the arkship was. The silence wasn't something his colleagues noticed, as all communication was stored in psi-computers or through the ship's psionic expression link. Yet even from this early age he was aurally conscious. As he matured he found himself more interested in the societal structures and anthropology of alien species than their biology and chemistry. Why did the Vox refuse to leave even their corpses behind? Why was humanity so comfortable with death yet so uncomfortable with their own reproduction? Why were the Kidan so terrified of their own females? Though the strict, militaristic and authoritarian nature of Arkship science didn't stifle him (in fact he was rather comfortable with the routine and clear expectations, as many ship-bound greys are) he knew he wasn't going to get any closer to other species where he was. Social mobility isn't much of a thing on the Arkships as they are on Mauna-b. So he signed up with Nanotrasen, the sole rights-holder of the Grey's diplomatic channels to the Human-Skrellian alliance, after obtaining a letter of endorsement from his Department Head. He can't go back. Not because leaving is taboo, but because re-entry is impractical. The moment he applied to leave, his replacement was being inseminated in a test tube. It was at Nanotrasen that he discovered music. Family: Arkship IIb Xenobiology Commune. Standard Genetic Template. Personal Relationships [Friend] Kennard Rose - "The only person I have regular non-work related conversations with. I wouldn't say we're close though. I'm too busy and I fear I lack the capacity for deep bonds. He'd told fragments of his personal life but I haven't given back. He's also as busy as I am, but his line of work has jaded him. I don't think he has the capacity to fully trust anyone any more than I have the capacity to meaningfully connect with people." [Respected] Gerhard van Lutz - "His diction isn't the best, and i'm certain he hears voices in his head. Regardless, he's one of the more competant medical administrators i've witnessed, and understands that managing his department is as much about keeping it supplied and trained as it is about being personally proficient." [Dislike] Ipsum Bellus Critinus - "At this stage I'm reasonably sure he is a cosmic mistake that reality is continuously trying to fix that we keep un-fixing, squandering resources and whatever equipment was on his lost corpse in the process. It's only a matter of time until his continued existance, in some form or another, contributes to the decay of our reality." [Fear] Dimethyl - "I used to see a goofy, robust greytider and little more. Then one day I pressed him to open up, and I saw the monster within the suit. It's a monster that views me as it's friend. If i'm lucky, it'll stay that way." [Neutral] Isthel Straub - "And here I thought Brooke had good judgement! [Neutral] Ruum-Ovv-Oumn - "I'm reasonably sure he's the type of guy to hear voices in his head. His sole interests appear to be soap, and how to recklessly endanger our lives, risking creating a stage 4 singularity, by fitting bluespace containers inside bluespace containers to carry as much soap as he possibly can." [Acquaintance] KALKI - "Who is this fucker and why is he giving me dead rats?" Romantically Involved | Romantic Interest | Admire | Respected | Close Friend | Good Friend | Friend | Acquaintance | Neutral/Unsure | Dislike | Hate | Despise | Death Wish | Fear Faction Relations [Allied] Nanotrasen - "I don't care for the salary, and though I like the work I'm not so sure about the goals that work leads to. What is the Cyberiad? Why is it rebuilt again and again? Why can't I remember things others do? What are we even doing here? Research? Really?" [Dislike] Syndicate - "They kill us, they bomb us, they brainwash us into turning on our friends and colleagues. Yet there are some that seem to have morals. Sometimes their arguments give me a flicker of doubt in my duties and commitments. One day, maybe one day I'll just go postal with an energy sword and a holoparasite only to be replaced the next shift with a blissfully ignorant, loyal clone. Perhaps this has already happened." [Enemy] Abductors - "Their butchery and hostile method of study are reprehensible and can't possibly obtain good test results. They don't even use control subjects! They just rip out organs and put in new ones, ones that aren't even catalogued. It's a disgrace that we were shaped by the same masters." Allied | Love | Like | Neutral | Dislike | Hate | Enemy Other Information Knows too much space law.

So a long time back, as a Warden (it seems I tend to encounter incompetent security staff as a Warden), I start getting ready and whatnot. I don't hear any introductions in the security channel, and I start getting worried. I pull up the Crew manifest and see that we have several security staff, including a Vulpkanin HoS, who speaks a moment afterwards. Everything goes well for a while, only worried a bit about the HoS late response on somethings and extended silence. After about 30 minutes, Central Command contacts the Captain that they are sending something (top secret) for 'safe keeping'. I notice the HoS didn't relay any orders to the Security Officers to go and ensure said object was secured and kept descreet, so I had to request the Officers to do so (the HoS shortly relayed this to the Officers). During this time, I was really nervous, because I thought it would be that SCP statue thing. It turns out it was just a secured crate, which was then placed in the AI upload. Things went quiet, me nervous that whatever was in that crate would turn out to be some sort of deadly entity that would escape and kill us all. 30 minutes later, I hear calls of Nuclear Operatives attacking the Bridge, telecomms then shortly goes down. I quickly arm the Officers and wait to see what happens. 15 to 20 minutes has passed, with no information from the Bridge attack, I was tempted to leave the Brig and check, until I see the HoS. I thought all went well, and that the Operatives were dealt with, given that the HoS came to the Brig, with no visible injuries. I approach them and ask them about the Bridge Operatives. They say "Is that still going on?" FACEPALM I just died a bit in the inside when they said that. Shortly afterwards, telecomms came back on, the Operatives dealt with, and me being extremely questionable about the competency of the HoS. Eventually, the HoS brings in some people into the Brig, which they did some dumb stuff, which didn't count as a crime. I point this out to them, irritated at the fact that they were wasting time, they threaten me with demotion for being "disrespectful" (which technically was disrespectful, but it doesn't count if they are clearly incompetent). Ten minutes pass, the person still in the Brig, and the HoS still not doing anything about it. Eventually, I get fed up on this, I tell off the HoS on how incompetent they are. They walk out, and I release the person in the Brig. As I close the airlock to the Brig after letting the person out, I notice a huge, red wanted square over me. The HoS then states that I am to be demoted for being disrespectful. I say to myself "NOPE, NOT GETTING DEMOTED BY A INCOMPETENT IDIOT". At that moment, the worst happens, Pandora's box the Secure crate from Central Command ends up being opened, which was some sort of explosive device (it lagged the game very bad) and it destroyed the Gravity Generator. So there I was, trying to move around with no gravity, with terrible lag, the HoS trying to taze me down, me trying to taze the HoS down, Beepsky after me for the wanted warrant on me, explosions from the south, me trying to unset my arrest, me also trying to set the HoS to arrest. Then both of us running out of tazer charge, me charging towards the HoS with a baton, Beepsky chasing the HoS down for their newly set arrest status, the HoS running out into the lobby. Eventually, Beepsky gets the HoS in the Brig Lobby, and I grab them and take them to the Brig. The Pilot comes by and the HoS tells them to arrest me, the Pilot says no, they also seeing the HoS as being incompetent. Shortly afterwards, the round had to be restarted due to the severe lag caused by the crate being opened.

Flat out wrong. It had Inaprovaline in it, which prevents suffocation damage while in crit, and that's literally it. Extremely dubious. On average, there's a ~9.5% chance for them to take, on average, 1.5 tox every 2 seconds. Even if you injected someone with 10 of these, they're still only going take ~57 Tox damage....over the next 800 seconds. If they were "Killed" by "ODing on epi", they were already dead anyway or were being damaged by some other source; yeah, sure, it may have contributed to it, to a degree, but even in the extreme, it's just going to be an annoyance; not something life-threatening "oh my gosh, no counter" tactic. Compare this with a welder which does 15 burn damage, up front, in an instant that can be re-applied every 0.8 seconds; You get 10 welds with a mini for a total of 150 damage (enough to hard crit!) This isn't even delving into the non-medical benefits of starting with a welding tool. You start with epi you can sometimes save a life with it (or, rarely, your own). That's it. A welding tool can take down walls, seal doors, seal lockers, and act as one of the highest damage non-traitor weapons in the game. We've shot this down before, because have to consider non-proximate uses of the welding tool in addition to emergent behavior from giving it to IPC players (and just overall fairness), and we believe the negatives outweigh the positives. We don't just walk around thinking "how else can we screw over IPCs today".

the boys are back in town

Well, I didn't know this sort of thing existed until recently, so I figured I could make a 'formal' hello I guess. I've been playing on this server for a while now, almost a year. Pretty much just as long as I've been playing SS13; a bit late but, here it is. I have too many characters for my own good, but I have a few who have stuck I enjoy the most. Used to mainly play as Agnes Kiraly and Clementine Walsh ages ago, for those that remember. Nowadays I mainly play as Serac, which makes this introduction either flattering or damning depending on who is reading I guess. I've tried a little bit of everything, but I guess you could say my strengths are in Medbay and Engineering. Sometimes I play security as Reishi or Adrianna Tucker, but I'm not very good at it by any stretch. I also thoroughly enjoy Xenobiology, though I rarely play science. I enjoy this server quite a bit, it's had its ups and downs but I always end up coming back. The community is pretty friendly and my experiences with the admins have been overall quite positive. I try my best at whatever job I do, most of my learning has come from screwing up or watching others. Anyway, yeah. Hi there.

It's so good to see this. I had made three drafts of that paper all getting worse as I made them. I miss you Luigi do come back!

This reminded me of another animal shitcurity story. I was bartender and start of the shift went to chem to ask for radium, plasma and ethanol, and to get a toxins kit from med storage. (I mix some antihol and keep it in the bar for emergency alcohol overdose treatment). WHen i came back mime had killed my monkey and was beating it's dead corpse. Sec came saw us fighting and arrested mime. He asked what happened, I told him the mime had killed my monkey. He promptly released the mime saying: animals are not crew, and walked away before I could say anything. I said over comms mime had tresspassed to kill my monkey and that killing the monkey was also vandalism as I use his blood to mix drinks (My bartender is an IPC, so I can't use my own blood). Sec did not care. So the pod pilot comes asking for a drink and I say I'm not serving sec while the mime is free. Soon after HoP, who aparently is secs bitch, says in service comm that I have to serve sec. I say I won't. He say he'll fire me, and I say go ahead. He calls me to HoP line, I say I won't go, I'll be in the bar if he wants me. He comes to the bar and asks for my ID, I say I won't give it, he'll have to call sec to take it. So he does, and 4 sec officers show up, they ask for my id, and I say I won't give it. Three of them realise this is a poor use of their time and go away. The other one climbs into the bar, but keeps trying to convince me. HoP gets feeded, this has taken something like 10-15 minutes allready, and he climbs, telescopic battons me and takes my id.

For some reason there were tons of ponies in jan closet. LUNA was the janitor and liked them, but there was also clown janitor, who wanted to kill them. They started to fight over the fate of the ponies. While this was happening, I sensed a pretty anti-pony feeling in comms, so I started thinking soon there would be people breaking into jan closet to kill all the ponies. I took advantage of the 2 fighters constantly open maint door to jan closet and started snatching some ponies into atmos. I think I got like 4 or 5 before sec pod pilot blocked the door and started a ponies genocide. I thought that was it, the AI said she would not reveal ponies locations anymore to prevent expenses, and no one would find the ponies in atmos. But someone on command uploaded an anti-pony law. I was fucked. I quickly put atmos into lockdown and walled the maint door, hardsuited up, and started taking cams down. Not sure if I forgot a cam of if the AI new about the other atmos lockdown button outside atmos, but AI kept opening it. Detective came in and started telescopic battoning a pony. So I disarmed him, battoned him, and tried to cuff him. Unfortunately he got up before I could and started shooting me. He hit an apc that blew up in the firefight. After some time he had me under custody, and called an officer to bring me to the brig. So I explained everything to the officer and he wanted me down for assault. The detective wanted more charges, so he put resisting arrest, and sabotage. When I asked where the fuck did he pulled sabotage from he said I was "sabotaging sec work", whatever that means (also killing ponies for fun is not work). Anyway after some discussion they come to the conclusion that they could charge me with sabotage because I was responsible for the exploded apc in atmos. (TBH I thinking cutting AI cams could fall under sabotage, but AFAIK they did not know about that.). I'm not a space law specialist, but I think they should have charged me at most with battery. Sabotage was completely ridiculous, and I don't think resisting arrest applies to a case like this, where the fight starts for a reason other than arrest. And ideally they should have accepted my defense of self defense, as a guy with no access barged into my workplace and started attacking my ponies. (also no clue to why they didn't pin assaulting an officer on me, since they pinned assault and the assault was supposedly committed against a sec member, but whatever) They briged me for 20 minutes for defending my ponies, Warden was dead while this went on, when he came back I tried talking to him, but he said he had no time, for me to call the IAA. I had complained about the charges in comms already, and specifically tried to call the IAA, but to no avail. I was not sure if we had an IAA cuz I was without my PDA in brig. I know for sure we had one while I was going out, as I saw him in the brig, but I think it was a late join. Unfortunately I was kidnaped by a cult while I was setting up my revenge. But I’ll be as antagonist to sec as possible in the future.

SHAME

Head of Personnels 90% of the time. Two Cardinal Sins: First being paperwork for paperwork's sake. The purposes of stamps and forms is retain and communicate information over long periods of time. For regular job transfers no stamps are needed, no signatures needed, you just need to ask over the command radio: "Hey is X good for Y". Then you'll get an answer or no response. You break out the stamps and signatures when the relevant head of staff isn't responding over radios (Basically: Look pal, you want your job, you're gonna have to track down your soon-to-be-boss for me) or when someone's getting additional accesses you want to make sure are properly recorded and remembers for later. Like, when someone asks "WHY THE FUCK DOES THE CLOWN HAVE SEC ACCESS" and you don't quite remember, you go to your file cabinet, open the draw and see the transfer letter with the clown and cryo'd HoS stamp and you say: "Ah, yes, the HoS thought sec's morale was low." and then you hear "BUT I'M THE HOS" and then you say. "You're the NEW HoS. The Old HoS cryo'd." People who do paperwork for paperwork's sake slow things the fuck down. There's one HoP who I won't name who is so anal about pointless, fruitless bureaucracy that i've seen four separate riots outside their line and when they aren't rioting it's never empty. You should want your line empty for as much of the round as possible because: Sin Number two: Not managing your departments. Head of Personnel is seen as an easy logistics job well let me tell you otherwise, Sonny Jim, the Head of Personnel has the second most crucial job on the station. Whilst the Captain manages the Heads of Staff, the Head of Personnel manages the crew. He was the OG, man. The original Internal Affairs; and actually acts as Human Resources. He checks that the clown isn't dead and is actually trying to be funny, he makes sure the mime isn't speaking, he makes sure the janitor isn't SSD or dead in a closet somewhere and he makes sure that Hydroponics and Cargo are supplying science, the kitchen, engineering, security. Heads come to him going "weehhh i have no chemist" or "wehhhhh my detective got gibbed" and for about 70% of these issues, the Head of Personnel's solution is simple gratifying and that is: Throw more People and more Resources at the problem. The Head of Personnel should be hiring and supplying new/extra janitors and detectives. He should be helping Medical get their blood bags and spray bottles.The Head of Personnel is able, if given permission from relevant heads, to logistically macromanage the shit out of the manifest. Do you realise how powerful extra detectives are? In a community where I get ahelps from furious antags who are certain of meta but never take basic forensic precautions, extra detectives are POWERFUL. The ability to hire replacements for turbo-dead or just plain perma-missing personnel is a godsend to a stressed department. Not to mention, the Head of Personnel is uniquely placed in having hydroponics, mining AND cargo access. If the QM is tearing his hair about points, he is uniquely placed to just SHOWER cargo in extra points. Just... just DRENCH those short-wearing nerdos in points. A Good HoP never had to valid-hunt (first because it's against the rules) because if he's doing everything well, the station should be a well-oiled production MACHINE. Yet 90% of the HoPs I see just sit there doing fuck-all and making sure job transfers are as agonising as possible and then whine "but i have nothing to doooohoohoohooooooooo" until they eventually get promoted to Captain.

*squish is the unique slime people emote. it makes a squish sound. Humans can *squish if they have a limb cut off and replaced with a slime person's. Yes, it is lewd.

Just a doodle dump for all my bad comics

A miner was asking for help in prayers... I decided to make him a funeral

Guthen's Pickaxe scumbag moment: "A singular Strike!" Got kidnapped by a Vampire during my Gateway journey. But then I managed to turn the table.