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It's the start of a round, and I'm the chaplain! I set my religion to Despakito and my deity to space spain - grab my null rod, change it to that one red chainsaw sword or whatever. OOC gets muted, and before I could spout something like "Come to the chapel and check out the new trendy religion!", that big, red coloured sentence cursed my entire round. "You are the traitor." So. My objectives were to steal an unused slime extract.. Easy enough.. Steal the CE's mag boots? Difficult, not impossible. Escape alive and free? This was going to be EASY greentext. First things first, I needed to buy a holoparasite. I headed into a locker in chapel maint, and got my holoparasite. Planned on cremating it, so I injected myself and put the box inside mybag. A paramedic came and awkwardly stood there, and I think he saw my holoparasite injector inhand since I couldn't put it in my bag quick enough. Thankfully, he walked off with no reports on the comms. Turns out, I wasn't very proficient at cremating. My holoparasite (Titanium Orchid) had to teach me how to do it, and from that moment on I knew we'd be best friends. Also, my collaborator was a vox named Chayakriti or something along those lines - I asked something very simple of her, "If I get caught, I'll say the code words on comms so you can save me from perma." She agreed. I headed back to the chapel maint to make sure I didn't leave any evidence, when someone by the name of U.S.S.R strolled along. My holoparasite urged me to tell him the code words, so I did. Me and him said the codewords at the same time, so we both knew we were cool. I leaned in and whispered that Chayakriti, the roboticist, was on our side. I told him my objectives, and he said he could try to snag the magboots for me. We shared a nod and parted ways. Later, while I sat in the chapel, my holoparasite suggested a plan. We go to scimaint all the way to xenobiology and ask for an unused slime extract "for a ritual". Sounds good. I headed to scimaint, to xenobiology, where I sat with a "cat girl", where we waited for someone to open the xenobiology door. His name was Gavin, and again, my holoparasite urged me to say the codewords. I did, and at first he seemed oblivious to it but within maybe 10 seconds he caught on. He said "Oh, right, codewords! Peace test pride, yeah yeah, whatever." I told him that U.S.S.R and Chayakriti were friends, and eventually the RD came around. She asked why we wanted in and I said I needed a slime extract for a ritual. She was being annoying, saying that we had to wait for a xenobiologist to come, but amazingly, a xenobiologist walked through and we quickly followed. He gave me a yellow slime extract which I stuck in my internals box (no one ever looks there), and Gavin.. Did something. I didn't see to be honest. Once I left, I sat in the chapel some more when U.S.S.R PDA'd me about him mindslaving a vox. Cool! Later on, when I took a stroll out the chapel, I saw him implanting a roboticist and knew it was probably another mindslave. Now all of robotics and a vox, including a holoparasite, were now an unstoppable team. The shift dragged on, and comms was screaming about Asrair having a holoparasite. None of my business, so I went to robotics where our CREW (some at least) were hanging out. Chayakriti tried to kill E-N with a fucking chainsaw. And everyone who passed by robotics didn't care. Even a security guard came to the desk and they didn't give a shit. I strolled in and asked if he had the magboots, he replied with a sad no. But this gave me an idea. Here's how theoretically it'd go down. I ask the CE to a duel. If he says yes, I say that "no machinery is allowed" and I throw away my PDA and headset, urging him to do the same. We battle in the holodeck where instead of an actual honourable fight, me and my holoparasite beat him to death and stuff his body in some locker in maint. ??? Steal his magboots and ID. However, when me and U.S.S.R got to engineering to look for him, he declined. He called security but instead of harmbatoning hungry maniacs the NT rep Emily-7 came. She told me to get out, but luckily my chapel blew up a little prior to her coming in. So I used it as an excuse to stay here to "complain" because the CE let it happen(lol). She got tired of it and left, and U.S.S.R came to my side. We devised a plan. Here's what was supposed to happen. We get the mindslaved vox with a chainsaw, U.S.S.R armed with some sort of weapon, my holy chainsaw sword, and the holoparasite all together. We get soap. Slip CE. Beat into crit as a collective before he can even utter a word on comms. Space the body in the airlock leading to the engine. ??? Steal magboots, PDA and ID. For the most part, it worked! We killed him in less than 15 seconds and I stuffed the magboots in my bag! I asked the vox to space the body, but he didn't listen and left. I didn't have access and gave the vox the CE's ID. I didn't think anyone would visit engineering's secure storage nor engine's airlock, so I left it. God I was so wrong. The shuttle was coincidentally called BECAUSE of Asrair's shenanigans, so we all huddled over at the waiting room for the shuttle. I heard outcry like "recall the shuttle!" and after 3 minutes, the Captain caved in. I thought nothing of it, until I heard these horrible words on comms. [Common][NT rep]Emily-7:"Blueshield, go check engineering." FUCK. I told U.S.S.R, since he had access to engineering to go try and space the body. He argued a bit but he submitted. I didn't hear from him again. So it was me and Gavin sitting on those chairs. I got continously more and more anxious, until I decided to fuck it and head to a pod with Gavin. My holoparasite said to ask if he had a holoparasite, so I did and he said yes. THIS IS IMPORTANT. We headed to the pod, and our holoparasites had a conversation we couldn't understand. The crew transfer vote activated and, like usual, everyone said yes. So we were in that pod for 3 minutes until the door opened. It was a security officer. He tased me and immediately I knew why. The CE must've been cloned. Gavin and I summoned our holoparasites but the officer killed me quickly, and Gavin's holoparasite failed him too, him getting clawed while on the floor to death. The shuttle flied off while I was in the brigbay, where I saw Asrair's body whilst in the after life. Only 2 more minutes and I would've been let off scot-free. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

If you're new to the game, I URGE you to read the starter's guide for the paradise wiki. You'll learn a lot of controls, and after a round or two of using them it'll be engrained in your memory. Also, it's a good idea to read the SoP for the detective because people LOOOVE shitting on security for forgetting SoP for a second. Even your own security mates will hate ya.

Oh hey, here's another art dump!! *sweats* Some "concept" art for a contest where we make our own Dark Witch character based off of the contes host's setting. Here's a demon, fallen angel, and a Cherub! The next drawings are actually things I did in a drawing live stream! Here's a Zeke, honestly everything in this was made up on the go, I don't know what it means Sketches Blame HereticChurch (and me not being able to talk properly), something went horribly wrong. #JokeGoneTooFar Sidon and Link, idea was supposed to be cute fangirling and cute blushies. maybe I shouldn't be allowed to live stream.

Have food in hand, click yourself repeatedly until said food is gone from hand. Chicken noodle with water fills your food bar quickly. Stuck in game, press F1 and mentor help for quick assist

The best way to be an apprentice is finding one in round and learn on the spot. Some might feel uncomfortable hiring an assistant but they need to learn not all assistants are there to cause trouble. Ask to be mind shield to gain a better trust between you and security. Even a tracking implant.

Oh yeah. Necaladun has been elected headmin once again. Yay for him.

That picture of Terry is spot on. Tired and upset