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you'll never l- Woah woah, hi there fella! For free entertainment, do see the cloning discussions and Declined Unban appeals. For good writing ideas, visit Crew Records For anything else, just check the news feed, good stuff there too. Stay safe, have a fun day, cluwnes at five.

Hi there! Welcome to the forums!

I'd usually make a PR with my changes but with the flood of revivability PRs, the maints decided not to accept any further PRs about the topic, so instead I'll just write down my thoughts. I decided to make this its own thread instead of putting it in the crit discussion since it extends beyond the changes of the crit rework and touches on other things as well. Let me first define what I consider interesting and boring gameplay in medbay. The Issues First, interesting gameplay is when a doctor manually fixes a patient, using their knowledge of the game mechanics, chems, the patient's medical state and so on. What counts here is that he is making decisions and is actively engaged. The prime example of this is surgery, as the probably most involved medical procedure. But also things like brain and other organ transplants, etc. Secondly, boring gameplay is when a doctor puts a patient in a machine, turns it on and then walks away, or otherwise takes a single action and then leaves, especially if there is no or very little decision making involved in this. For example, deciding which chems to give someone in a sleeper is still somewhat more involved than pushing them in the cloner. The cloner is the single most boring and uninteractive machine in medbay. It fixes a patient regardless of their body's state and proceeds totally automatically. Most often the poor clonee even has to go poke a doctor for a mannitol pill for his brain damage. You can grab a greytider with no medical knowledge whatsoever, give him a one minute crash course and he can clone. Once cloners are upgraded, even that part is moot. The current main issue of medbay is that cloning is easier than fixing people in other ways. We've seen a PR that reduced defib time from 5 to 2 minutes, an attempt to increase cloning time and an attempt to make SR not work on non-clonable races. And now, the big crit rework will completely remove the revive function of defibs. Raising defib times was an attempt to, in the words of the author: "Push[ing] more individuals to use cloning". The now closed 'Revivability Update' attempted to double clone times as if it fixes anything besides doubling the time you can fuck off before checking on the cloner before putting the next body in it. The crit rework being test-merged has the same issues. By removing defibs as a revival method, you incentivise cloner use, pushing people into the least interesting 'mechanic' of medbay. Now, in the crit rework's credit it also attempts to make you survive longer in crit and give medbay lots of chances to stabilize and pull you out of crit, which is definitely interesting gameplay, but the issue persists that players can avoid that (and often do) simply by letting the patient die and putting them in the cloner. So, to summarize the current issues: 1. Involved, many-step processes that benefit from player knowledge and experience are interesting. IE surgery. 2. One-click solutions that fix all issues with a patient are boring. IE Cloning, Cryotubes to a lesser extent. Solutions Now, how do we fix this issue? Clearly, we should push people towards 1 and not 2. I've thought about a number of approaches: Make cloning take longer. This is a solution that's already been attempted, unsuccessfully. Faced with waiting 4 minutes for a patient to clone instead of 2 doesn't actually make doctors chose the more involved procedure, since they aren't the ones waiting as a ghost to rejoin the round. You could raise the time to ridiculous levels before this actually starts having an effect. This solution is clearly unworkable. Rejected. Make cloning consume meaningful resources. Biomass is easy to make in raw amounts, and besides that all a cloner needs is some power. You could make it necessary for cloners to be fed with some hard to get or valuable ingredient to work, but it would be hard to think of something lorewise fitting, imo (maybe something cargo has to order in an expensive crate?). At least, of something that doesn't just tax the chemist even more. Other servers have cloning cost money I think, but money has no meaning in our economy. Rather bad, imo. Make cloning come with not easily removed downsides. Having cloning cause some permanent downside or disability that isn't instantly removed by a pill of mannitol or clean SE could potentially work. For example, you could give cloned people a chance of getting a 'cloning trauma', which gives them a mental issue that they then have to play out (maybe even give them a little 'objective' like abductor victims get?). (Bonus: Give the psych something to do). Potentially interesting idea. Less RP-intense alternatives might just be stuff like unremovable disabilities, but I can already see players REEing about that. Workable, maybe? Make cloning no longer the default/lowest tier revival method. The most 'radical' method. Cloning is used because it is easy and available from roundstart. We could simply...change that. Remove the roundstart cloning setup and lock cloning behind decent research levels. You'd have to undo the nerfs to alternative revival methods while doing that (IE give the CMO omnizine in his hypospray again, raise defib timer, make defibs not insta-kill slimes again because brain damage multiplier lol). This would mean medbay has to carefully preserve their SR pills, patch people up, rush in with their defibs to save on SR, perform surgery to fix internal bleeding, broken bones, etc each time someone dies. Radical, but IMO the best idea so far. Something that can go hand in hand with 4., make more people reach medbay alive. The crit rework, as far as I can tell, somewhat intends this already. Have the paramedic bring in less dead people and more crit people, so medbay can patch them up, work under time pressure to stabilize, etc. To do so, we could introduce some more tools to stabilize patients, like stasis bags, or simple tweak the crit numbers to make dying slower. Nice but not enough on its own, imo. So, what do you all think? Do you agree or disagree with my analysis of medbay's issues and what makes good gameplay? And what do you think of the possible solutions I talk about?

That changes absolutely nothing. Okay. cool. SR is easy to get and defibs have more time to work with. Neat. That does nothing to impact how utterly trashed a body can be an the time needed to restore it. The other thing a LOT of people keep missing is, traitor isn't the only game mode. You won't have time in a lot of circumstances to do the things you're asking medical to do, I will openly DARE medical players to, on Blob/Wiz/Nukie rounds, don't use the cloner a single time. Not once. Do it all manually, and let me fucking know how much of a corpse pile up you have backing up. You'll have doctors not even bothering with revival as they're too focused on dealing with the influx of people fighting the blob or will have to focus entirely on reviving tons of corpses manually that healing the living will be pushed to the wayside. This isn't a good thing. I know a lot of people want death more impactful, but in Blob style rounds getting the entire crew involved in the fight is the ideal and expected strategy, it's not like valid hunting a changeling in maintenance where they just shouldn't have been involved. Everyone likes to say how brain-dead easy and quick the cloner is, but in the gif in this very thread, look at that corpse pile up. That shit isn't gonna go any better if you remove cloning, if anything it'll get worse. Cloning is "Fast and easy" according to people, so how well do you imagine it'll go when you have to SR an Defib every single corpse, blood transfusion a LOT of them from internal bleeding left unchecked, repair any broken bones (Potentially all of them if the body is trashed enough or was spaced long enough.) and all done on a single corpse before moving on to the next body. And that assumes Surgery isn't having to tend to LIVING patients in the mean time and can focus solely on those dead/newly revived people to fix up. It'll be a complete fucking nightmare the moment anything even slightly resembling a crisis rears it's head. The "Delete cloner/make it not roundstart" idea continues to be one of the worst possible suggests to ever grace this forum. It accounts for NONE of the reasons it exists and calls for removal of a core system without any thought for the literal years of development that has gone on around that system. What you're asking for is the equivalent of "Just rework Atmos." So much game design has gone on with the idea of cloning existing you're asking for an effective rework and re-balance of basically the entire game. Every traitor item, wizard spell and more were all balanced with the idea of cloning existing, of death being relatively quick and simple to reverse. This is beyond just changing medical this can, will and MUST change **EVERYTHING** or else it'll be half assed and more broken then anything. Baystation removed cloning and it still split the server down the middle, and this is a high RP server, full of people with the mindset of making death spooky scary and a big dramatic RP moment. Paradise is NOT High RP, we're full of people who want to play a 'game' as much as we have people who want some lighter forms of roleplay. This idea is dead in it's cradle, it solves nothing, breaks everything and is in general woefully unaware of it's own glaring flaws given I have never once seen them properly addressed

Hi

I really love your signature. Not related to the post, but god your signature is just gold.

New story. One of the most interesting rounds I ever had as the pilot. Also a lesson to be learned here by sec who just wordlessly stun and cuff, and antags who just kill and ditch bodies. I'm the pod pilot. While I'm sweeping the exterior of the station there are several explosions and comms goes down for what feels like longer than usual. I head to tcomms to check it but comms comes back just as I arrive. Been using my GPS to navigate and notice a miner is at the derelict satellite, nowhere near the mining outpost. I go to investigate. Along the way I come across the syndie outpost with it's turrets already disabled so I decide I'm gonna hop out n check that out. While I'm trying to figure out the door a vox miner shows up in a space pod. It's Biki. We chat for a bit. Can't remember word for word but it was like: Biki "Is founds somethings strangies" Me "What?" Biki hands me a bucket Me "A...bucket..." Biki "Yaya at derelicts" I say I'll check the derelict when I'm done here, then Biki apologizes to me and hits me with a compact defib. I immediately go into crit cuz of my mechanical heart. Biki cuffs me and the next 5-10 min consist of them attempting to revive me. Me popping in and out of deadchat. I was dying laughing. After I'm revived I'm cuffed to a chair. Dazed. We chat a bit more and I learn they are syndicate and need to steal the AI. They are taking my gear but leaving me alive. They traded out thier space pod and EVA for mine and left thiers in space right outside the syndie outpost. I don't know if they did this on purpose to give me a chance. Biki leaves. The outpost is dark but I actually have a taser with a flashlight on me that Biki missed cuz it was in my holster. If not for that I would be using a zippo to navigate the outpost. After I get my bearings I decide I'm gonna go for it. I put internals on, put a table in front of the door to avoid being sucked out, and begin releasing pressure from the outpost. Once the pressure is somewhat stable I stumble out of the outpost and retrieve the mining EVA and spacepod. I head into the orbit of the station and begin informing the warden of my situation via PDA. While doing this Biki happens to fly by. I'm flying around trying to avoid Biki shooting me while PDAing the warden to let me in through escape. At some point Biki decides they will have better luck using a jetpack so they leave thier pod. After letting them chase me a bit I try to jump out of my pod and tase them. Success! But they just have had adrenaline cuz they popped right up. AND I forgot my cuffs at the outpost. Frick! We fight a bit out of our pods. They have a gun and hit me a few times, I desperately throw my taser to get away. Start treating myself with my first aid kid but I'm bleeding, broken bones, this won't last long. I float back to the station making security aware of my condition over common comms (I only had an engineer headset at this point). Biki finds me again. In a last ditch effort I rush them with my baton but they take me down with a few more bullets. I'm in crit. They cuff me, stuff me in thier pod, and dump me at the brig outside the podbay. An engineering Borg finds me and starts dragging me to Medbay. IAA sees me being dragged from the brig then grabs me from the borg and starts questioning me. Im woozy. I'm dying and tell them I need a doctor. IAA says "What did they do to you!?" That's all I heard before I passed out. I think the IAA thought I was an engineer that security nearly beat to death. In medbay I'm shoved in a cryotube. That stabilizes me but I've many broken bones and lost alot of blood. I start explaining I'm an officer and an EOC kidnapped me and stole my identity. That I fought with them in space and they shot me several times. Everyone is reacting, shocked. IAA chimes in "Don't worry, I'll sue them for you" They are gonna sue the guy who shot me. LMAO. Memes. I pass out again. Too much blood loss. Internal bleeding. Next I know I'm on an operating table with my chest wide open. I scream. The doctor says "Oh shit maybe I should give them morphine or something. Too late. I pass out due to the pain. Once I'm finally patched up I inform sec over comms that I've spent too much time in space and in surgery so I'm taking the rest of the shift off. Biki is glad to hear I'm alive over comms. Shuttle gets emagged while I'm on board. I don't care. Someone is throwing cigars everywhere but to my dismay all I have is a lighter. Round. Ruined. What's the lesson to be learned? My initial instinct when I saw Biki was to stun and cuff before talking. I assumed they were up to no good BUT decided to see where things went. Had I ended it there none of the other stuff woulda happened. Same goes with if Biki just ended my round and left me there. So for those who do, stop trying so hard, allow something interesting to happen. Because I karma'd the officer who gave me a holster early, I have a list of people I owe karma for this round. Biki. The surgeon, the IAA. I wrote all your names down and you'll be receiving karma in the future. I'd tag Biki in this but I dunno thier username here.

get pranked

I'm at the chapel investigating the usual DEUS VULT KILL THE CULT chaplain nonsense (in a traitor round no less!) when I spy the librarian beating someone to death through the south window. Naturally I shoot at him and he flees into his office, screaming at shitcurity. "IT WAS SELF DEFENCE" When I spotted him I examined him and saw he was clean - no bloodstains or bruising. "really? Then why were you perfectly healthy and free of any bloodstains?" "I WAS AT MEDBAY AND THEY HEALED ME!" "as if medbay is known to give their patients a shower after treatment." silence. "Fucking shitcurity." he makes a run for it. I cuff him. He claims he has proof that he was at medbay for damage - a scanner log in his backpack that said he had a whopping three (3!) units of eye damage. Brig him for 10 minutes. He SSD's.

First time as warden. We've got reports of santa and a maintenance chicken. A maint hobo is addicted to meth and screaming about his daughter. Nanotrasen wants santa alive. I'm trying to sort out paperwork. Despite a blob spawning in maintenance, leaving a huge gaping hole in the wall of processing, the round goes relatively smoothly. The most entertaining moment was when the hobo fucking passed through a wall in prison to the absolute bewilderment of both me and an officer. We're about 20 minutes to round end, I'm walking to and from the armory sorting things out. "Prrrison," Rikeechcreshthaa Kaytam growled over the radio. "Micheal Smith has a syndicate headset." Oh boy. The following is a dramatization. Spelling and grammar were corrected, and separate "say" instances were combined for the sake of clarity.

This one happened about 2-3 months ago but it's worthy of being told n I completely forgot to. I'll name this "Where's my office?" I spawn as Warden. No HOS. That's fine. Nothing unusual to start. Things are slow. About 15 min in a HOS shows up. His name is John Blennon -.- IC he says "Can I have a taser? Sry I didn't spawn with 1" Oh Lord I'm like "Why don't you take YOUR laser from your office?" Him "Where is my office?" Me (dead inside) "Let me show you..." I escort him to his office, he says "Thk u" I drag my feet back to my quarters. The captain is there. I salute "Greetings captain, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Captain "Hi...is my office around here?" IRL I'm like ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Me "Not here...let me show you..." I escort him to the bridge. Inform sec what just happened on sec comms n they are like "Ohhh shit...one of these shifts..." Blueshield greets us at the bridge. While the captain inspecting thier office with the fascination of a young child, I pull the Blueshield aside. Blueshield "You look mighty fine in that skirt and sandals" I whisper "Wanted to give you a heads up, this captain and HOS literally did not know where thier offices were. We've got our work cut out for us...PLEASE keep a close eye on the captain and show them what's what" Blueshield leans in "You. Me. Bar. 12:35." I'm like "I'm busy, tend to the captain!" and stomp back to the brig. I'm dazed. Maya Stewart is there as magistrate. I inform her of the situation. She is like "Oh lord...let me see what I can do" and walks off. I'm starving, go to the sec lobby to grab a cup of chicken soup from the vending and while I'm standing there a nukie walks by in the hallways towards the bridge. I inform sec on comms, open the armory, grab a shotgun, and run towards the bridge. The captain and Blueshield have no idea what happening. I give the captain the disk, the pinpointer to the Blueshield and I'm like "NUKIES!". Blueshield is in the middle of the bridge and is like "Hey there doll, take it easy. You reconsider that date?" immediately after saying that a nukie with dual esword comes up behind him and decaps him. Clueless. I fire off a few shots before my agony is finally ended by the sweet release of death. Don't really remember what happened after that aside from the nukies successfully blowing the station up. I was probably furious and salting in deadchat. Maybe that's why I forgot to post the story. I may have blocked it from my mind until now.

"The t̶o̶t̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶E̶R̶P̶ Victory Shower" Excuse me if I miss the exact wording of the parties involved, let's say my quotes are paraphrasing. I join a round an hour deep as pod pilot. Vampires. 2 powerful vampires as far as we know. Within 20 min the vox vampire is dead. With about 15 to go the other is dead. On sec comms: Vince Piper: "Stingray, up for that shower now?" Steven Stingray: "We don't have showers anymore" (Someone had converted the bathroom by cryos into a fully functional medbay; Surgery, Sleeper, Body Scanner, Cryotube, even a chemistry station and DAMNIT I forgot to get a screenshot. It was marvelous) I say: "We have our own showers above the locker room in sec" Vince: "Yup" Stingray: "Really?!" I run to the bathroom in sec to see Stingray's reaction, figuring I'll get there first. I walk in. Vince and Stingray are already naked in a shower together. Vince: "Tetra! Join us for our victory shower!" Stingray: "DON'T LOOK AT ME!!" I scream and run off. I have an idea. Run to the public locker room then back to sec. I go back in the bathroom where the victory shower is still happening. Vince: "So you finally decided to join us?" I say: "Not quite...say CHEESE!" I start snapping a bunch of photos with the camera I just grabbed. They proceed to try to capture me. Chasing me around the brig naked with tasers. I manage to escape. Shuttle is on its way. There is an announcement about some sort of mech battle between one of NTs mechs and a Syndicate mech at the holodeck. I head there to check it out. Mike Murdock and Solessa Storm are there before me. I say: "Mike, I have something awful to show you..." Mike: "What is it?" I hand him a photo. ... ... Mike: "WHAT" "THE FUCK" "IS THIS?!" I say: "Vince and Stingray taking a victory shower" Mike: Crowd has gathered for the mech fight. Vince and Stingray show up. There is a bit of a scuffle. They taze and cuff me with fuzzy pink handcuffs. As they rip the cigarette from my mouth and stuff the ballgag into it I manage to tell Mike to escape with the photo. I spend the shuttle ride cuffed and gagged, Stingray and Vince are celebrating thier victory of capturing me. They are kind enough to remove the gag and give me a cig. Shuttle docks at Central. They drag me to the showers, strip all 3 of us and throw us all in the same shower for a final victory shower. 2 sec borgs show up, I inform them I'm being held against my will. They disabled beam us till we pass out. GAME OVER EYEAAAAAAH!!!! I attempted to take screenshots of the photos but apparently windows pulled up in the UI like that don't register on screenshots, so I have no evidence but this story. @Vargh @bigfatbananacyclops I'd tag Vince but I don't know his forum name. *FLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP

Eventually it got to a point where I felt bad about catching roundstart cultists, and so whenever I did catch one trying to cast spells in a little hidey-hole I'd warn them about the dangers of self-mutilation and ask them to see the Psychiatrist about their depression, then just let them be.

May not have been in security.. but as captain, I believe that qualifies in the sense what they do is still my responsibility. I don't remember the exact details any more but as captain I had a HoS literally go rogue, throw insults over comms to the point even the NT rep came down on him in common... basically.. the epitome of shitcurity. It was bad enough Wolf who was NT rep recommended his removal. Finally I had enough one more incident and 2 previous warnings, told him to come to the bridge. He didn't take demotion too well and went rogue. It took security and Alice (our blueshield that round) to finally bring him in. The problem? His warden came in, refused to accept this, and also tried to start a fight. Alice robusted both of those bastards, in full riot gear without even breaking a sweat. AND NEITHER OF THEM WERE ANTAGS. Soon enough we had replacement warden and HoS but that experience basically told me even as captain, I can't always trust security... and that's a bad position to be in. This incident is one of those reasons I'll take the captain slot as a last resort or if I'm really in a mood to abuse myself...

I've had a few good stories from playing Security. (BRAG)Like the several times I've discovered cultists super early on by checking for falsewalls in maint.(/BRAG) But my absolute favorite story from playing Security, the one that I share even with friends who aren't familiar with SS13, is from a round where I was playing Detective. Playing as my character, Maxwell Edison, I decided to hit the bar and try to outdrink my "sober" gene. As I downed more and more alcohol I noticed that the drunk speech effect, where it randomly capitalizes and misspells words in your speech, is coming and going with everything I say. Eventually I get called to the brig for something and on my way over I get that hazy screen overlay that happens when you're super drunk. The Captain, HoS, and Warden are all there, and they take note of my strange speech patterns. The HoS asks, "Detective Edison, are you drunk?" To which I reply, "No," and then immediately pass out drunk. For reals, it couldn't have been timed more perfectly if I had planned it.

Need to add another verse to this because @Birdtalon a la Khakiri deserves recognition for his performance and that story itself is a long one. So as said before. I started the shift as Warden. Early into the shift there is a breach in the armory and an e-gun missing. Reports of a vox on a purple coat seen in space around that time. A bit later as I walk by the lobby, Khakiri is standing there in a purple coat. I pause and raise an eyebrow. He says "Hihi" I say "What's up" "Nothings" I'm thinking how many vox can be in purple coats? Did a cling steal his identity? He's not doing anything wrong right now, we don't even know it was actually him who broke in. Whatever, I'm busy. I move on. A bit later Khakiri gets dragged into processing for something, honestly can't remember what. Search his bag. E-Gun. While processing him I had a short RL issue I had to deal with, informed him in LOOC and I didn't go SSD for the few minutes I was away so he technically have pulled something if he wanted n didn't. I appreciate this. He's been pleasant through this whole process so I tell him I'm giving him the minimum, 10 for weapons posession, 10 for breaking into the armory. As prisoners tend to do, as soon as I put him in his cell and remove his cuffs, he starts causing a ruckus. Bit of a scuffle. Officer assists me. We get him in his cell. Apparently he didn't want the minimum. I bump him up to 30 min and tell him why. Now again this shift I've been dealing with coordinating sec as we have absentee super commando for a HOS. While dealing with comms and whatever else he's trying to break out of his cell. I go tell him if he keeps trying to break out I need to reset his timer every time he does, first and last warning. He does repeatedly try to break out, I need to keep resetting his timer to the point where he is in there so long his original sentence would have been long over. Straight jacket time to give me a break. He's requesting perma but I told him he hasn't done anything worthy of it yet. Something he worked to correct shortly after. After breaking out of his straight jacket he gets through the inner glass of his cell. Repeatedly tosses his nitrogen tank at the electrified grill sending out tesla arcs that manage to kill the brig doc, the magistrate, and nearly me. I survive because I managed to hide behind a wall and hit myself up with the first aid kit I carry around. He breaks into the lobby. My taser and baton are toast from previous encounters. A stunning display ensues as what appears to be all of Security swarms the lobby and fires disabled beams from all directions. He is hard to keep down but we manage. Up till this point I just assumed he had the combat virus virology developed that was helping assist him in getting up quicker, now I'm beginning to suspect there is a bit more in him. As the entire security force dispersed from the lobby one officer comments "Damn, if we could respond to all threats like this..." and we all laugh. Now Khakiri in isolation awaiting approval for an execution. Because of his display in the lobby I decide to weld the vents in his cell, just in case. Execution approval comes in. All of Security is excited for this one due to the trouble he's caused so I invite them to come watch. Get outside his cell. "Its your lucky day! Execution approved!" Open his cell. OH SHIT. AN ARMBLADE! Begins assaulting me, causing severe damage to my chest before the rest of sec kills him. I'm in bad shape, coughing up blood, clearly broken ribs, but refuse medical treatment till his head is removed in brigbay. Brig doc says in LOOC that he is having UI problems with the surgery so I say I'll handle it in LOOC, IC I say "Doc I can see your hands are shaking because you are nervous, let me handle this" Cut the head off. Done deal. Doctor begins to try to fix me, but it was too late. I succumb to my wounds. In deadchat "Welp...that ling did a number in me lol" Birdtalon "Oh good Tetra, you died, that makes me somewhat happy" I compliment him for his display and for hiding his abilities for so long, we chat about the whole encounter n have a laugh. I'm revived. Give him karma. I rarely give antags karma but the whole experience was just too entertaining. Wasn't the first time a prisoner broke thier cell n zapped be but I've never seen it done so efficiently and do so much damage. Well done.

I was in a low pop round as a non antag engineer. Someone had been disabling cameras around the halls so i decided to be a good worker and fix them. Nek minut an officer charges in tazes me and radios in that ive been wrecking all the cameras. I get dragged off to the brig screaming at him the whole way. Get interrogated as they think im a traitor. Despite my constant denials I'm considered a risk and thrown in perma with the other 2 "traitors" for doing my job. Turns out one of them was a ling and and had already eaten the other guy. After pleading with him not to eat me i realised that the half assed officer only took my hardsuit,pda,radio and backpack but not my insulated gloves or toolbelt. Decided to bargain i let the ling out in exchange for not eating me and was promptly lasered to death on site by the same officer who arrested me for now being "a fucking ling". ?

Here's a new one. Hot off the presses. I'll name this one "Riot or Wrong?" I'm an officer, early on we catch a traitor with a pen sword and emag who attempted to kill someone. We put em in perma. Captain orders we borg them. There is some opposition amongst command that delays the borgification but it finally is complete. The opposition was made public somewhere along the way and riots began in front of the bridge. It was really confusing for a while but at some point security needed to don riot gear to break up the crowd. We told them to disperse, some refused, we began arresting, uncuffed rioters began dragging cuffed ones away, a civilian who, as far as I knew wasn't a rioter, started dragging a cuffed rioter off. I tase and cuff them, another officer gets the rioter, I start bringing the civ to the brig. Here's where it got...interesting. in LOOC they say "Why am I being arrested? I've committed no crime, answer or I'll AHELP" I stop and IC I say "you are being arrested for helping a criminal, you tried to drag away a cuffed rioter that we were arresting" I can't remember what was IC or LOOC at this point but from this point forward there was a mixture of the two with them telling me that's not a law, I'm not allowed to search them. Despite them being SO cooperative I say I'm going to search them and if they have nothing on them they get off with a warning. I find a stunprod on them. Tell them I need to brig them for weapons possession. They keep arguing IC and OOC that I can't do this, so I say in LOOC "Alright I'll amuse you, I'll AHELP this" I end up MHELPing explaining that I've arrested a civilian that was helping a rioter get away, am I allowed to arrest and search them? Mentors get back saying "yes, aiding and abetting." So I've now confirmed with mentors I'm in the right, inform the civ in LOOC, they continue arguing. I confiscate the weapons, bring them to a cell, and say all I'm gonna brig them for is weapons charge, 10 min. I COULD have given them another 10 for helping the rioter and lack of cooperation but I felt bad cuz they were already in a bad mood. Before leaving I say in LOOC "while you are in your cell, go read space law, look up weapons posession under medium crimes, then scroll below capital crimes and find aiding and abetting" They respond in LOOC "Fuck you, I've read it enough...I'm right..also 'while you are in your cell?' ICKY OOCKY!" I respond "ICKY OOCKY? Like asking me why you are under arrest in LOOC? or arguing the arrest in LOOC?" He's says "FUCK YOU" admin turns off LOOC Sort of felt like I needed to report their behavior but again, they were already having a bad enough time, so I didn't bother. Already felt bad enough about all the stuff I put the guy through already but, I've got a job to do. Pretty sure the admins were already dealing with the situation. I never got bwoinked so I'm all good. Just another day in shitcurity. AS FOR THE RIOTS. The round ended with the AI being pitted against the captain, AI obviously siding with rioters. Security was divided, some trying to arrest the captain, some trying to help captain. I believe the HOS remained neutral through the whole thing, and kept a fairly cool head despite the situation. Good HOS. Karma for him. I didn't know what the hell to do so aside from a few confused tase and handcuffs, I was just trying to prevent violence. I believe the captain ended up getting spaced. Shuttle was emagged. GAME OVER YEAAAAAAA!!! If anyone wonders why someone would primarily work security, notably I've read someone saying "Anyone who works security primarily is a masochist"...once you get adjusted to the stress it initially causes, and are adept at dealing with all the various situations that are thrown at you, it leads to a hell of alot of interesting stories. Seclife. EDIT: I explained this story to my spouse, and we've now decided any time we get in an argument where one of us is clearly wrong, when the party who is wrong realizes they are wrong they are to end the argument by saying "FUCK YOU! I KNOW SPACE LAW!"

Another old story...this one probably deserves it's own topic but it fits in with "Tales from Shitcurity"...the story of the "PIMP WARDEN" I'm playing as sec and we don't have a warden long enough for me to volunteer. I get my ID changed from pilot to warden, but the HOP doesn't close the warden slot so within 10 minutes another warden shows up. Can't remember his last name but his first name was Ricky. I meet him in the wardens office to give him a rundown of what's been happening, he opens his locker, points at me and says "BITCH! GIVE ME MY PIMP GLOVES!" I'm thinking great...another asshole warden who just wants to be a glorified officer with cool gloves. I give him the gloves and beg him not to be bad at his job. He's just like "BITCH I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, DON'T ORDER ME AROUND, I OWN YOU" Oh lord...I go to the HOP and revert to pilot. This warden is acting very questionable. I run into him walking around the ship and his title has been changed to "Pimp" and he points at me as says "Hoe, how are you supposed to service customers in all that armor?" (Was wearing my EVA) I'm like "Are you fucking kidding me?" Tell him to get back to the brig and do his damned job. I inform the HOS and captain of his antics and the round proceeds with him continuing this routine, butting heads with everyone in Sec, various complaints about him doing a bad job to which he argues "You bitches may not understand my methods, but I'm really INSPIRING you to work harder" HOS either dies or cryos...can't remember, Captain asks me to come be promoted to acting HOS, Ricky argues it's his job per SOP. I'm mortified by the notion of this fool being HOS so I protest, but IAA gets involved and the Pimp is now our HOS. He does this routine where he literally refers to officers as his "product" and criminals as "customers" and keeps complaining that he shouldn't have to service customers (process prisoners) and that his hoes (officers) aren't doing thier job. At this point I've had enough and I AHELP because this is just absurd. I explain a routine like this would be sort of acceptable for a greytide but we can't have something as important as the warden and especially the HOS acting like this. I was fairly new at the time so wasn't aware something like this could be handled IC. I beleive the captain was one of the admins so we end up going through a process IC where he gets demoted...forcefully...and that's pretty much that..

That "no prisoners, only bodies" one, to this day, is my absolute favourite shitcurity moment.

Now this brings up a few good ones for me, but I'll keep it to two good stories for now. First one is a rather short one, it was the start of a lowpop round, everything calm, first thing over comms comes from the HoS, "No prisoners, only bodies." About ten seconds later you hear this over comms, from the AI this time, "The HoS is being murdered by their pet spider." No one really bothered to revive that HoS after Araneus killed them, because well... I don't think I really have to explain And the next one comes from a nuke ops round, where I'll let the screenshots explain... The HoS attempted to implant a death alarm into Araneus, little does he know Araneus doesn't fear death, he embraces it! And after killing the HoS and putting two security members and the mime into critical, his fury is finally calmed. And the funny thing... this was all happening while there were nuke ops active on station, shooting crew in the halls while they screamed for help.

OK, so about a year ago, I played ss13 a good bit later than my usual timezone, so most of the players were ones I was unfamiliar with. There was this IPC HoS, and he is behind one of the two or three times I've gotten truly mad while playing security. I was the Warden, and it became apparent soon enough it was a traitor round. The HoS was one of the greatest valid hunters I've seen wear the coat. This was before not killing antags who hadn't killed or stolen anything and didn't resist arrest was codified into space law, so the he just one-man firing-squaded every antag we brought in. Some antags didn't really mind, but some players, believe it or not, don't like being summarily murdered without a good reason. Now, the Captain and all the command people had done zilch to put an end to this funny business, so when he got ready to shoot some scientist that had contraband without any indication of Captain approval, I tasered him and cuffed him for attempted murder. About this time, a first-round sec officer shows up and tasers me. I was hauled to processing, and the (IPC) Captain and grey HoP show up. I was given some ultra-vague charge, despite my having a valid reason for making the arrest. I asked the Captain about all the killings and he was like "Umm, maybe I authorized it, don't really remember." The HoP, in full powergaming gear, sat there and berated me while the HoS prattled on. I was dumped ID-less on the (broken) mining camp. I've never seen the HoP or HoS players again, and if I never do it'll be too soon.

Stuff like this has led to me doing what I refer to as "ban denial therapy" where I read ban denials and am happy knowing the admins are working as hard if not harder than I am in security to try to clean up the garbage. Alright...I'll let others speak now. What stories do you all have dealing with Shitcurity or power gaming antags? Share!

My first story...how bout an antag I find in space, I hit them with a few lasers from my pod and they use the rest command and /deathgasp emote to pretend they've died. I exit my pod to retrieve the body, approach them, they jump up and kill me. Since I've dealt with this multiple times and dies to it multiple times, I've now grown wise to this and hide behind my pod while examining to see if they are dead. I cannot examine them while inside the pod. One time I literally waited in my pod telling a dude I know he's not dead for 10+ min until he got bored and finally got up n tried fighting again until he actually died.