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just wanted to update this thread to thank everyone for answering, seeing people be genuinely compassionate and helpful in response to my question actually put me a lot more at ease and I ended up having a pretty successful cultist round :)

As someone with high anxiety, I can relate. Everyone has their own methods for beating it, but here's mine when it comes to ss13. Winning doesn't matter. You might hear it a lot already, but its true. Greentext doesn't matter, and nobody will care about it. Think less, act more. Once you get into the groove of rampant violence (or stealthing your objective if that's your thing) things become a lot easier. Starting it is what makes your heart pound. Continuing it is what gives you the rhythm. Even the "pros" get instantly tazed and gg'd sometimes. It happens. There is absolutely no shame in it. Not every situation is beatable either, so don't be hard on yourself for the destined failure. I'd also recommend taking adrenals/freedoms for a while till ya get used to the roll of antag, so you aren't defeated with one lucky taze, but thats out of scope of your question.

Personally I would recommend making sure you have something to eat. Rounds are over 2 hours long. Don't antag on an empty stomach, your anxiety will quintuple. And as Rurik said, "Think less, act more." is key in my experience.

Echoing this, the ghosts tend to follow "high profile" antags like people who are known to antag frequently and well. "Antag mains" The ghosts will be like "Ohhhh so and so is antag" The only time you'll get followed if you aren't well known is if you are really kicking ass and/or making a lot of noise.

make a *scream macro, so everyone else at a moments notice, can see how you're feeling.

As a lot of people have said here just go with it, but most importantly. Have fun. Seriously. Don't do shit that's optimal if its something you don't think you'd enjoy. Every antag and loadout will have different playstyles. No one's going to be really watching you unless you're fairly well known at antagging so don't feel like you've got a salty ghost audience. Have fun. Make mistakes. Get bodied. Learn from them. Become better. And, over time, you'll get over those jitters.

I've been playing on Paradise for quite a few years now sometimes taking long breaks in between periods when I play, mostly a sec main, and I still have to shake off some jitters my first few rounds of sec after I return from a break despite having endless hours of experience in sec. Doubly so for antag adding my lack of experience there. Due how infrequently I play I don't roll antag often. I've probably been nukie 2-3 dozen times over the years but with weeks or months of non antag dryspells in between and STILL every time I'm a nukie I'm nervous as hell (and this goes for any type of antag for me). Playing more frequently and rolling antag more often probably helps get rid of those jitters. You definitely aren't alone tho! It doesn't make you a wimp, just human.

Absolutely not. We have all been there, and being antag can be nerve cracking at times. You will fail several times, but do know that one failure is a step closer to success. Learn from your mistakes and you will eventually stop making them. My best advice is to try and master the stealth tactics first. Sometimes you will eventually have to go loud, but that is significantly easier if you have a secret identity, several different disguises and a hidden base in maints.

My tip is to try being a bit bold, at least until you start getting comfortable with playing antag. You’d be surprised with how well it could go even with little experience. Going outside my comfort zone as an antag is how I got more confident in playing them personally. And you will of course fail a few times, don’t sweat it. Every robust antag you know has been there too you know. You also shouldn’t worry about people judging you while playing, most of them can appreciate you giving it your best shot regardless of of you failing or not. last but not least. Have fun and don’t overthink it. As Bubblegum said, this likely wont be your last shot as an antag, so getting caught isn’t all that bad.

speaking as an incredibly robust antagonist (of course) You kinda just have to go for it. You will be disappointingly unsuccessful multiple times, but eventually you'll get past the jitters and learn the ropes. At that point, you'll have to worry about people watching you, but dchat won't be interested in you until then, if it makes you feel any better. Either way, a silent panel of judges is just that. Silent. Try to take your mind off the people that may or may not be watching you, take a deep breath and try your best.

Don't worry, being nervous about your first few times as an antag is completely normal! It's the antag jitters, everyone gets 'em. That being said, a good way to relax yourself when you're new to antagging is to play good music (or heist music) and have good snacks. Apart from doing basic things to make yourself more comfortable, there's no easy way to get over the antag jitters- just go for it! And remember, the best way to learn antag is.... to lose. I mean it; losing as antag gives you a lot of insight on how to do better. Good luck!

tasers not existing