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oh god i thought for a second 400 admin tickets and cried

I got over Like 400 tickets after grinding hard at the arcade , my goal was 10000 tickets to get that cool bike but then I got a call for syndicate near the chapel Soo I went there and the dude was armed with a gun I tried to stun him which i did but from somewhere someone shot me and I died and I lost all the tickets I grinded , never felt more upset

I know posting this is probably outing myself as some sort of gigantic wimp, but I figured I'd at least ask in case somebody has advice. Does anyone else deal with wanting to play an antag, knowing *in theory* how to play said antag, but immediately getting locked down by debilitating stage fright if you actually roll it? If so, how did you work past it? I know the only way to get better at antagging is to play it and practice, but the whole "silent panel of invisible judges potentially watching your every move" thing trips me up hardcore. It's disheartening, because I feel like it'd be really fun if it weren't for the mental block! It keeps me from really committing to playing security or any kind of head, either. Thankfully spiders and xenos are an exception because, well, they're rare enough that I'm definitely never the baldest one in the bunch, and being one of those is fairly straightforward.

halloween art of chiki! ill-fitting xenomorph costume