Leaderboard

>Be agent >want to buy surplus (meme strong) >find 1x2 hole in maints to purchase my lovely crate >bolt the door shut to prevent any maint dwellers from stealing muh loot >buy the surplus >in addition to the usual goodies, it includes a stetchkin, a silencer, and a false bottomed briefcase! >incredible! The perfect combo to perform ranged stealth kills! >momentarily forget how to open the briefcase >use the briefcase in hand >”HWAT’S THIS?!” >Oh lord please no >”AN OVERABUNDANCE OF BEES IN THE WORKPLACE?!” >God please I thought it was a false bottomed briefcase >”MY BRIEFCASE FULL OF BEES OUGHTA PUT A STOP TO THAT!” >Find myself in a 2x1 space. >Door bolted shut. >With a briefcase full of angry Syndie Bees.

There absolutely should be. AI should not be able to word lawyer its way into acting essentially the same no matter the lawset. Crew should have a good idea what lawset will lead to them being bolted, and what lawset won't. It should never be an OOC guessing game of "hope this AI player is chill and not an ass!"

Hi. It been a while. And this happened.

quite a while ago, I think last year round? >be ranged holopara in an IPC >somehow get my master to get all they need to greentext >doing fairly well, nothing is wron- "Level 5 biohazard aboard the station, all personnel must contain the outbreak" >okay, alright... my master wants to know the situation, they're currently in a pod knowing if they should move to space or not. >alright, scout mode, lets move over a bit... >move over blob tile for a split second to look at a blob situation.. >instantly ghosted... huh? that ain't right... what just happened, did the blob delete me or something...? >click orbit see master in dchat from halfway across the station >well fuck...

Hostage situations are a rare sight on Paradise, and I imagine most other servers as well. I had only attempted it once before, and as you can imagine, to no great success. This time was different, though. While it was ill planned and rushed, the setup was almost perfect - put the hostage inside the plasma filled turbine chamber, a button press away from turning the slime girl hostage into a Creme Brulè. The plan was to get the CMO there alone, with the hypospray to trade for her wife’s life, but security soon sniffed things out, and I was forced to make it publicly known - any interference would mean the woman’s life would end. Soon after, security was at the door, the Captain too, ready to make the trade. The Captain was to enter alone, but as you can imagine, the indifference to the general safety of the crew that every security officer harbours in their blackened hearts proved too strong - the urge to baton and disable too intoxicating. One officer tried to contain his bloodthirsty colleague, but he could not keep them all back. Forced to activate my adrenal implant, I rush for the button, the room filling with a blaze - only for the hostage to be rescued by an engineering cyborg in the last second. Defeated, I make my escape. I change my disguise and blend in with the crew once more, unsure of what to do next. Passing by the bridge, I spot the heroic cyborg receiving a medal for its actions. As it proudly drags the medal behind it as it leaves, triumph running through its circuits, I hit it with my flash and open its cover, overloading it’s system with my emag. My objectives forfeit, I give it one single task to wrong the right. Kill the hostage it rescued. It has no choice but to comply. It begins its search as I make a desperate attempt to fulfil my duties - leading to my death. From the afterlife, through the salty tears, I spot the cyborg deep in space, broken beyond repair, the body of the woman it saved floating lifelessly beside it. And a carp. There was also a carp. I learned that the officer responsible for the mishandling of the situation had been demoted on the spot, but being the beast of pride that he was, he ended his own life right then and there. There are many things to fear on the Cyberiad. But there is nothing more dreadful than he who believes he can do no wrong - he who’s crusade for justice leaves a trail of mangled bodies in his wake, all in the name of turning a line of text from a green color, to a red color.

My name is Rhys Dallows. Starting as a simple Janitor, I moved my way up to Botany, then Genetics. Be warned all who wish to pursue a career where I am now; she is a sadistic temptress. She'll inflate your ego, believe you are God, decide who shall be ascended and who shall be lowly mortals on a whim, only to take your newfound hubris and crush you with it. Such as what will happen in this cautionary tale. Having put two monkeys through Hell and mapping the entire genome of defects and powers alike, I decided to show off the abilities I chose for myself during my lunch break. "Watch this," I said to onlookers in the hallway, before igniting myself on fire. They gasped, one woman screamed for a fire extinguisher, only to be dazzled by my coming out unscathed - thanks to my Heat Resistance. Many were amazed, some were amused, some even chastised me for provoking such panic. But one reaction immediately grabbed my attention. A hulking monolith of rock ran right up to me, sheer childlike wonder in his eyes. "CAN YOU IGNITE ME?" he gleefully asked. The catalyst for my own tale of Icarus. "Sure," I replied, ignorant, cocky. After all, manipulation of the genome had become as tedious and simple as... well, checking boxes, at this point. Of course I could make this rock a firey God. A simple trip to Genetics and an injection, and he would be giggling up and down the hallways, a literal trail blazer. Or so I thought. I let him into my lab, the smell of radioactive monkey skeletons not at all phasing either of us. He was too excited, and I was too used to it. I isolated the block with Thermal Combustion and put it into the syringe, with neither the respect nor the grace that this artistry demanded, and injected it into him. Surely, I would see a rock burst into flames, then thank me, O Mighty Master of the Genome, for allowing him such a gift, and be on his merry way. "IT DOESN'T WORK," My heart did not yet sink, for I could not be faulted, surely! I scoffed, with only a small hint of nervousness, to myself. Surely he had done something wrong, I thought, how much brain power could a rock have? I double checked the list - yes, this block gives Thermal Combustion. "Did you do it right?" I asked, re-instructing him how to use the abilities I had gifted him. Now, I thought, he would realise his mistake, whatever it was, and do it correctly. "NO, DOESN'T WORK," I felt dizzy, and I ended up leaning against my desk, the alternative was to collapse in my chair! This could not be! I was correct, my taming of the genome was correct! This rock was supposed to ignite himself! Both he and I were becoming increasingly destressed over the road block encountered. Could his DNA really be incompatible...? Was there nothing I could do? No, surely not. An idea formed, a desperate attempt to make him compatible. I humanised a fresh monkey and prepared the gene for Polymoprh. I warned him that this was irreversible, that he would no longer be the rock man I admit I had grown accustomed to. "I DON'T CARE. LET'S DO IT," His desperation was paramount. And at that point, I didn't care either. For my own pride, this had to work. I injected him with Polymorph and instructed him to target the monkey. "I CAN'T. IT DOESN'T WORK," Ok, no problem. I would simply have to shove him in the chamber and scan his structure, block by block, until- And then it came. The announcement that the shuttle was on its way. I felt sick to my stomach. I was good, but not good enough to change this man in 5 measly minutes. I had failed. This man had given me a task I deemed so simple, and I had failed him. We both sadly trundled to Departures, and sat, waiting. I tried to rationalise with myself, with him, as we waited. "For what it's worth, I really did try to help you," I mumbled. "But I guess, the technology isn't there yet," It was an excuse, and I knew it. I had grown too complacent in my job, and now it cost me. And then, something happened. We embraced. And he said the first, and only thing that he hadn't excitedly yelled at me since I had flagrantly shown off my undeserved powers in that hallway: