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Xray vision has been a pretty controversial topic. Many of us have stories about when it has screwed us over and ended our round pre-maturely. Here is a story of a unique problem I had with Xray… I am the Blueshield. I slide a cig out of my pack of Robusts and fire one up. I grab my gear and take a peek at the manifest to see who I’m keeping an eye on this shift. The captain is Gerhard Van Lutz. Been a long time since I’ve worked with Gerhard…haven’t seen him much since the accident that changed him from a human to a vulp. This will be interesting…I think to myself. I head to the bridge. As I enter I see a male vulp partially hidden by the chair he is occupying in front of the crew monitor terminal. I say “Sup bos---ohhh you aren’t the captain.” Stupid me…mistaking one vulp for another. This particular specimen happened to be the NT Rep, Wolf O’Shaw. How could I NOT notice it was him? He’s not wearing a shirt, I mean…he NEVER wears a shirt…and those muscles….oh my…get it together Tet... He grins and says “Nah, I’m the more handsome one” Such ARROGANCE but…well…who am I kidding… Flustered, I stammer “You all look magnificent to me…” as I look away shyly. YOU ALL LOOK MAGNIFICENT TO ME? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? STUPID! GET IT TOGETHER! Seemingly unphased by my blunder he reinforces his previous statement saying “But I’m better” as the captain emerges from his quarters. We exchange salutes and he greets me with a familiar “Hello there, madam” He’s always been so proper…so much less brash than Wolf. I’ve mostly only worked with him back when he was human…he’s…well he’s different now… FOCUS!! I shake away my thoughts. Over comms we are hearing confirmations of a cult. So soon? I haven’t even finished my first cig yet. This reminds me, the one I’m currently working on has lost its flavor, so I stomp it out on the floor and swap it out for a new one. Confirmed cult and I am stuck on the bridge babysitting these two? Lucky me! NO! BE PROFFESSIONAL! This is gonna be a looong shift…I should take a walk to get my mind off things. I inform the two of my intentions and begin hunting down the rest of command to implant them, as well as gather supplies from Security. Now that I’m fully geared up I start making my way back to the bridge. What is that GODAWFUL sound I hear echoing down the hallway?! The clown, Loud (yes...thats his name) is standing in front of the bridge, playing as many instruments as they can at once, as awful as they possibly can. The noise was disabling. I swiftly draw my revolver from its holster and silence the noise with one golden bolt. The NT Rep and captain both protest my action over comms. I plainly respond “I had to end the noise” Wolf counters “I’ll end your noise in a minute” I continue with “It was dangerous to your ears.” I glide past the still convulsing clown heading towards the locker room. At the beginning of the shift Slith recommended I dye my hair blue, voicing some complaint about a Redshield. I figured I’d give it a shot. I stand in front of the mirror and use its built in RHD (Rapid Hair Dyer…kek) to change my hair to various shades of blue. AWFUL! I dye it back to its unnatural bright anime gurl red and I notify Slith that the blue hair is a no-go and head back to the bridge. The clown is gone now. No more noise. “See?” I say “Threat neutralized.” Gerhard questions “The clown?” “Yea…notice how your ears don’t hurt anymore? Your welcome.” Wolf grumbles “You are making my ears hurt” Gerhard says “As I was just saying to the NT rep…I am pretty sure that ‘song’ will keep anyone away, cultist or not…” We enjoy a moment or two of peace until… Gerhard groans “There it is again!” as he retreats to the conference room. Wolf leans back in his chair and sighs. I screech “Oh—god—its—AWFUL!” as cover my ears. Through the now muffled noise I hears a report of someone being attacked on security comms. Annoyed I respond “My EARS are under attack by the CLOWN!” Gerhard returns holding an unopened pack of Robusts and morbidly says "I think I need an additional pack today..." I perk up and exclaim "Aha! Cheers!" as I rattle the last cigarette out of my first pack. I swiftly swap out the old with the new as I adjust my vision in Wolf's direction. My eyes widen as I watch him pull a cigarette out of his pack of Uplifts with his fangs. My mechanical heart begins to overclock as I am filled with uneasiness. Oh dear… I stammer "Oh my...I need to uh...get some stuff from Medbay..." I quickly rush off while keeping my eyes fixed to the floor in front of me. I don’t NEED anything from Medbay but...I needed a change of scenery... Be careful what you wish for. As I stand in front of the Nanomed stuffing the basics into my bag, the geneticist, Val Ragnar waves me in his direction. Val offers “Xray?” I reluctantly say “Eh…sure…though it always makes me a bit queasy…” He preps the syringe and injects me. “GAH!” I blink rapidly as my vision alters “I’ll never get used to that” Not even sure why I agreed to this…but…whatever…can’t hurt…right? I receive a non-supportive “Walk it off weakling!” from Val as I rub my eyes and return to the bridge. The captain and NT rep are chatting in some language I don’t understand as I come into their view. Oh god… I stiffen. I stammer “Oh my…this xray vision may not have been the best choice…” I begin to sweat as I try to process what I am seeing. Gerhard appears to be too focused on comms to notice. Wolf barks “Stop staring” I dart my eyes around the room looking for some recluse. “I’ll be uhhh” I barely manage to choke out as I quickly move over to the crew monitor console and bury my face in it. Gerhard finishes what he was doing on comms and says “wait a second...did you...do you...are you able to see through clothing Tetra?” He DID notice! CRAP! Trying to hide how my emotions, I laugh out nervously “NOPE! JUST…WALLS…” Wolf prods “Why are you blushing?” What the hell have I gotten myself INTO!? Gerhard raises and eyebrow and questions “Just walls?” “YUP!” I lie again. Wolf retorts “You’re blushing more red…you are filth” as he blows a large cloud of smoke and rolls his eyes. I can’t help but glance over at Gerhard, then quickly dart my eyes back to the console in front of me. You aren’t fooling anyone. They KNOW! With a resigned tone I pointlessly repeat “Just….walls.…” Gerhard coughs “Aha…ehm…yes…surely…just walls.” Wolf laughs to himself and then begins another conversation with Gerhard in the unknown language. What are they talking about? Are they talking about me? I'd kill to know what they are saying! To add to my annoyance, there is a Medibot in front of the bridge that is repeatedly announcing that I require attention. My readings are probably a bit off due to the alteration. I frown. “This medibot aint gonna shut up” I state angrily as I exit the bridge to seek its treatment. As I walk back onto the bridge Wolf and Gerhard continue their conversation. Wolf has an amused look on his face and Gerhard appears worried. My face contorts as I weakly leak out a “Ehm…” Gerhard echos “Ehm…anyways...” Wolf instructs “Stop. Staring.” My shoulders sink as I slink over to the crew monitor once more. Looking for a distraction himself, Gerhard says “Right…new cigs…that’s what I wanted to do…” and he walks into his quarters. “You’re lewd” Wolf accuses. I offer no argument but glance over at him and quickly look away again. Wolf says “I’m not covering myself up for your benefit” Chewing on my cigarette I grumble “I don’t think it’ll help” Gerhard chimes in as he returns to the room “Help with what?” Frustrated, I stand and point accusingly at both of them “I TOLD YOU BOTH! JUST---WALLS!” as I cross my arms, scoff, and turn away. Wolf heckles “You keep blushing, I wasn’t born yesterday” Why am I even bothering to attempt this charade…this is the WORST! There is an uncomfortable silence for a moment, broken by Gerhard barking “God damnit!” I become alert and raise an eyebrow as I turn towards him “Hmmm?” He gestures around the room “I need a janitor stationed right here for the whole shift!” he angrily scurries around the room picking up the cigarette butts that have accumulated. Sorry boss I DIDN’T NOTICE. I’ve been DISTRACTED! Is THIS his idea of trying to change the subject?! Does he think this HELPS?! I frown and take a long drag to finish off my current cig. Wolf scratches the back of his neck and grins. As he finishes cleaning up the mess Gerhard exclaims “This was one of my main duties so far! Collecting trash in the bridge!” followed by a sarcastic clap. “Fucking glorious!” I defiantly throw my first empty pack on a table as Gerhard finishes depositing the mess in his quarters and returns. Sadly he doesn't notice. As I light up the first cig from my freshly opened pack, I glance back and forth between the two of them scanning them up and down. Less flustered than I initially was, I’m now filled with a bit of excitement. I could get used to this… The thought is fleeting as Wolf interrupts “Tetra?” Innocently I say “Hmmmm?” “Who’s bigger?” he mocks with a wicked grin. I turn pale as I once again stiffen and weakly chirp “I….” Wait…did he just…? What…WHAT?!? I quickly retreat to the corner of the room and gasp out “OH MY GOD!” while covering my face. “What?” he chuckles innocently “I was just talking about our muscles” as he flexes. While I try to hide my embarrassment, they continue chatting in their unknown language while laughing and chuckling. This is a disaster… The cigarette I’ve been working on has yet again lost its flavor. There is not enough nicotine in the GALAXY to deal with this shit! As I shakily remove another cigarette from the pack I hear Gerhard reverts back to speaking a language I understand again “How many are left madam?” What?! Is this another attempt to diffuse the situation? I respond “Oh um…there’s…I’m on my second pack…” He exclaims “Really?! Impressive!” I quietly respond “They lose flavor quickly…and I’m KINDA stressed this shift” as I turn my attention to the greytide standing out front the bridge. THIS is a welcome distraction. A muffled voice comes through his gas mask “Open please” Very firmly Wolf says “You aren’t boarding a restricted area” Time to take out some frustration on this baldie. “What a lovely gas mask you have!” I say cheerily while clapping my hands together. I grin and change to a low mocking tone “All the cool kids wear those, don’t they?” He scurries off without another word. Skittish little shit. I turn my attention back towards the Wolf’s grinning face and he sarcastically asks “Stress? But Agent Vega, you have Gerhard and I here? You think it would be the opposite.” I glare at him and then quickly turn my back to him as he flexes again. I take a deep breath. He is enjoying this WAY too much! Maybe I’m enjoying it way too much… DO! YOUR! JOB! I get a bit lost in my thoughts as the familiar sounds of an unfamiliar language and laughter come from behind me. A familiar face returns to the front of the bridge. More accurately a familiar mask. The clown, Loud, living up to his name, loudly announces “WITNESS ME!” With a sigh of relief I say “Please, clown, I will welcome ANY distraction right now.” I hear Wolf’s voice increasingly unwelcome voice behind me “Agent Vega, you are in the gun show, there are no time for distractions.” There is a pause followed by a hearty “Ka-paw!” I catch a glimpse of Wolf’s reflection in the glass in front of the bridge. HE IS FLEXING AND POSING?!?! I gasp “MY GOD! I’M GOING TO GENETICS! RIGHT NOW!” Wolf victoriously states “You’re welcome” as I run past him towards Medbay. I frantically bang on the window for genetics while trying to catch my breath “I NEED….CLEAN…SE…SO…BADLY!” What appears to be a glowing and disfigured humanoid resembling the geneticist who bestowed this curse upon me answers the door and screams “DEAF! BORK BORK!” and points to his PDA. I pull out my PDA and frantically message my request to him, shortly after he tosses me a needle. I close my eyes, inject it in my arm, and let out a sigh of relief as my vision returns to normal. Finally this nightmare will come to an end. I return to the bridge. Gerhard is holding his cigarette in hand watching it burn off. Wolf is chewing his cigarette with an annoyed look on his face. “Say madam, would you like a new one?” Gerhard says while offering me a cig. This is much easier to digest. “I uhh…” I wave him off and light another of my own. He inquires “And let me guess, you had xray removed?” I scan both of them with my eyes, look sideways and sigh “Yes. It was---unnecessary…” This is still pretty distracting...hold it together... Wolf’s annoyed look returns to amusement “I think you did it intentionally” he grins. I frown. More unknown words and chuckling from them as I mumble to myself “I’ll never forget it…” That’s for damn sure. His ears twitch and he prods “What was that?” Attempting to maintain my innocence I lie “Hmmm? Nothing” He grins “It sounded like it wasn't nothing, but if you says so…” This son of a bitch won’t lay off! Gerhard offers “Don’t worry madam. We believe you!” followed with a clap. I clear my throat and grumble “Something new every time I work this job…” I plop down in front of the crew monitor yet again. At this point security has cleaned up most of the cult. I glance over at them and sigh “Yea…things are kinda boring now…” and quietly mumble to myself “Maybe I should have kept xray…” Gerhard says “Ohhh of course!” while waving around a cigarette butt he grabbed off the floor “Trash again!” I chuckle. At least I'm not the only one suffering discomfort this shift. Wolf nods towards me “Those were Vega’s. Wasn’t me. All Vega” Gerhard demands “Clean it up goddamnit!” I shrug and say “Yessir!” and begin to march around the bridge picking up all the trash. I deposit it in the trash can in the conference room, march back into the bridge, and stand at attention while saluting and announce “Mission complete. Sir!” That’ll show him. I hold the pose for a few seconds before I burst out laughing. Not seeming the least bit amused he points to a spot on the floor “Missed one” He groans and retreats to the conference room, but quickly returns. “You bought all of them?” he asks Me “Hmmmm?” He sighs “The Robusts.” Delighted I say “Oh you smoke Robusts too? Here, I’ll fetch some more” as I hand him an unopened pack from my bag. Wolf shakes his head and chuckles to himself. “Thank you madam” Gerhard says as I head towards the dorms to restock my supply. When I return to the bridge the Captain and NT Rep are having yet another conversation in their unknown language. I glance back and forth between them silently. Wolf squints at me “You got xray again, didn’t you?” REALLY?! Well…I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it… I remorsefully respond “No…” then murmur out of the corner of my mouth “…not yet” I scan them with my eyes once more, then let out a sigh. Wolf grins “Like what you see, Vega?” With a saddened look I turn away and say “I’ll live. I’m just uhh…just remembering what it was like when I could see through walls.” I begin twirling my hair and get lost in my thoughts again. Then the Head of Personnel, Aevon Cook, enters through the conference room. He greets “ ’Sup lads, this where all the cool kids hang out?” His voice has a bit of an accent to it. I respond “Doing our best to fill the bridge with smoke.” He scorns us “Smoking ain’t cool, aight? Stop hotboxing the fuckin’ bridge.” I retort “Ohhh trust me, you don’t want to see me without my nicotine.” as I fire up a fresh cig from my newly acquired pack. Aevon says “We should probs do somethin' about that cult.” Wolf says “Thats what security is there for” I agree “Thats right. Our job is to sit here and look pretty.” Then mumble to myself “…especially the Captain and NT rep…” I don’t have xray anymore but they are still easy on the eyes… Wolfs ears twitch and he raises an eyebrow towards me, flexes, and grins. Aevon replies “They dealin' with it?” Gerhard says “Of course they are, excuse me, Blueshield?” Annoyed, Aevon sarcastically says “Sure, lemme just pull out my security headset.” Aevon SHOULD have access to security comms... Ignoring the Captain I make my way over to him “Ohh you must not have security comms switched on, here” I help him adjust his headset. “There!” Wolf and Gerhard begin another conversation in their unknown language, and then Aevon joins them. Another one…great… I roll my eyes and say “Ohhh yall have your own special language…speaking of cool kids…” Annoyed, I demand “The fuck yall sayin?” Aevon chuckles and says “They talkin’ bout how big they dicks are” Gerhard quickly objects “Excuse me?” Wolf teases “Mines bigger” Gerhard commands “That’s highly inappropriate” Aevon chuckles “See?” I stiffen. What?! WHAT?! Wolf!? Gerard?! WOLF!!!! THIS WAS WOLF DOING!!! HE STARTED THIS!!! BUT GERHARD TOO?! NO! HES NOT LIKE THI--- My face red with anger and confusion, I explode “WHAAAAT!?!” Wolf laughs and Gerhard face palms himself. Aevon adds “Fuckin’ dodgy ass captain” I continue “OH—MY—GOD!!!” Through my blind rage I fail no notice Gerhard attempting to explain that this is all a ruse. Wolf rolls with it and can barely contain himself. Aevon has a sly smirk on his face. Terry Watson suddenly appears in front of the bridge and awoos “I thought I smelled something off” “YEA!” I point at Gerhard and Wolf accusingly “ITS THESE TWO!” I scoff at them and then stomp out of the bridge. As I leave Aevon pours on “HOLY SHITE SIR HOW COULD YA SAY THAT?!” while holding back his laughter. My mind races. There’s no way…what else have they been talking about?! DISGUSTING! UGH! MEN!! This is the worst day ever! I retreat to the familiarity of the brig to find some comfort. After a few moments sitting in the brig meeting room burning through the rest of my Robusts I hear Wolf through my headset “Vega, we were just kidding. Don’t be sour.” I take a deep breath as I grab a new pack of cigs from the vending machine next to me, then nervously respond “I’m not sour about anything, just checking up on the HOS” No you aren’t. You are HIDING. Liar. Get off your ass. You have a job to do. Wolf informs me “Well…the CMO is on the bridge bleeding out” FUCK!!! I rush to the bridge to find the CMO perfectly fine. He apparently patched himself up. But there is blood everywhere. I gesture around the room while looking at Gerhard “You yelled at me for my cigs…just sayin” The AI chides off an annoyingly familiar “ASS BLAST USA” I scorn them “AI…stop talking nonsense about ancient civilizations” I swear to god it’s like NT is letting stupid teenagers program these AI’s lately… Gerhard looks at the floor with disgust. I persist “You made me clean up all my own shit. Maybe get the CMO in here with a spray bottle” I try to snap my finger but it snaps right off!! OHH GOD! THE PAIN!! I scream “OH MY GOD!!!” Gerhard winces “Tetra...thats...not healthy...maybe you can tell the CMO while having them reattach your finger..." I decide to seek treatment in the brig. I spend a few moments chatting with the brig doc about how things are going for them and complimenting their setup. Our conversation is interrupted by reports of spiderlings. Time to get back to work… I offer the brig doc a casual salute and take my leave. As I head back towards the bridge I notice the blast doors are down. I quickly unholster my revolver and press my back against the wall while scanning the room. I calmly say into comms “Why is the bridge locked down?” Gerhard replies “Noise control” and shortly after the lockdown is lifted. My posture relaxes as I holster my revolver. Must have been the fucking clown again… As I walk onto the bridge I glance around. The CMOs now dry blood on the floor. Other garbage laying around. I clap and sarcastically state “Good thing I cleaned up my cigs!” Gerhard agrees while looking around the room “Yes…this is a mess…a disgusting m---” A warning siren goes off. A radiation field is approaching. We need to retreat to maintenance. I escort the captain and NT rep to EVA maint. As we stand silently in maint waiting for the storm to pass I reflect on the craziness of this shift and whisper to myself “I can’t tell if this is one of my greatest dreams or worst nightmares” Both of their ears twitch. Freaking vulps. God I love and hate them so much at the same time. Wolf says “What was that?” Gerhard questions “Your greatest dream, madam?” I defensively say “It was nothing. I was talking to myself.” The janitor suddenly joins us. I point at him and say “HE! JANITOR!” and he zips away on his janicart. I pursue him. He cannot leave due to the radiation so I have him cornered. I request “Hey man, once this storm is over, come clean the bridge, ya?” He yells back at me “BLIND AND DEAF” I frown and walk away. I approach the NT Rep and Captain and say “WELP! I know why the station is such a goddamned mess! The JANITOR is blind AND deaf.” while clapping. We all chuckle and shake our heads while the radiation storm ends. As we return to the bridge from the shelter of maintenance, I glance at the clock. Finally, this shift is almost ov--- My thoughts are interrupted by another deafening siren. Oh god...Terror Spiders... THE SPIDERS SPREAD THRU THE STATION A DEATHSQUAD CAME IN TO PEW PEW THEN NUKE THE STATION AND EVERYONE DIED THE END!!! Special thanks to @Normalyman and @Trubus for playing their parts and anyone else who contributed to allowing this ridiculous story to become what it did. I did want to note that none of the quotes or emotes were embellished to make this more interesting. I used my evil admin powers to dig up the exact lines. It was all actually typed out and happened in the round. At times I simply added tone to the speech based on how I perceived it personally, though even the tone was sometimes typed out as well, and Tetra's THOUGHTS to add some flavor. Stories like this are why I continue to play this game.

This was one of the best if not the best round of spess I ever had and it wasn't due to some sick action or a story on how I managed to kill half of medbay and was robust. It was simply because 3 people who enjoy RP worked together to create a hilarious story that makes you roll around the floor from laughter. And that it did, at least for the three of us ? Put some effort into your RP and it'll motivate other people to join in!