TullyBBurnalot

Two prayers that no admin is camping the thread.

1 Banish Spell cast on Dumbdumn5.

3 shadowlings abusing the system and joining Sec for stunbatons.

1 goat sacrificed for Admin Warding.

3 vampires feeding on a shadow person.

1 blob eating Singuloth.

1 little vampire stealing the Captain's ID.

Log Indicator: #346 Username: Jonah Marigold Bright Authorization Code: Ocean042 Log: So apparently I received a complaint over religious intolerance by some random psychologist who heard I was fighting a cult. I didn't even know we hired psychologists. Fuck knows I'd need to see one. Anyway, today's shift started just as normally as the rest. I call in, Security's silent, Pod Pilot's fucked off to adventure in space because he can afford to, Warden decides his particular brand of talents is better exercised in full riot gear with beanbag shotgun rounds. All in all, simple and easy. Nothing much. Fifteen minutes of calm we manage to scrounge up. FIFTEEN! I was certain the Captain had sacrificed a Tajaran to the great gods of Central, so calm it was. I daresay I even thought we'd only have half a dozen major scares before shit inevitably went down. And, well, I was completely wrong. Fifteen minutes in, someone yells that the Virologist just exploded outside Hydroponics. No bible, no nothing, just splat. I rush over, and to my surprise find out that his valuables haven't been looted by anyone. At this point, I wish they had been. Inside his backpack were two things. A small book with squiggles and a piece of paper with a rune written in blood. Preliminary forensic analysis revealed the blood belonged to the Virologist. So naturally, Security immediately calls Code Red, the Chaplain is given full access to the station and two heavily armed guards, and he runs around blessing anything that can be called water, up to and including the kitchen sink. At this point, I can hear the Sec Monkeys getting all jacked up on excess adrenaline their abominable little brains produce whenever an opportunity to harmbaton someone shows up, so I decide to go prowling the maintenance tunnels. Final inventory: Fifteen (15) runes written in blood, all matched to DNA records, no one arrested; Three (3) runic papers, all matched to fingerprint records, no one arrested; Six (6) apparent cult tomes, all matched to fingerprint records, no one arrested Needless to say, it was quite the productive shift. By the time the first hour rolled over, I was sure every department but Security was entirely comprised of cultists, so I decide to head towards my office and pack up. No sooner am I leaving and telling the AI to bolt down the door, than I hear what I can only describe is the sound the dead make whenever the Fel Eldricht Gods of Old decide to reap the souls of the living through a portal cast by the blood power of millions. It was quite awful. Immediately, I hear people screaming. Some are praising Nar-Sie, others are begging for mercy. I hear talk of "ticks" or "flying bugs", so I wisely decide to high-tail towards Arrivals, as that... thing had been summoned near the Chapel (oh the irony). Then, I saw them. Large bug things, floating around and dragging people towards desecrated soil. Whenever those fucking ticks touched anything, it turned dark and started glowing in brown purplish hues. Swear to God I could feel my heart being ripped out of my chest just looking at... it. Seriously, have I mentioned how fucked up the whole thing was? I might be trying to keep professionalism to an all-time high, but a bunch of fucking wackjobs just [REDACTED] and the fucking thing was [DATA EXPUNGED] with the corpses! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? ... [5 MINUTES REMOVED] Anyway, I manage to get onto the first pod out of that forsaken hellhole and end up in some outpost with barely enough of a bar to make me forget the past ten minutes, much less the past hour and a half. I heard the NT Representative say Central was gonna BSA the monstrosity. I doubt that will help much. Hopefully it gets bored easily. Shift Rating: Request psychological consultation.

Because it's scary enough. Revving noise should be louder, though.

Log Indicator: #345 Username: Jonah Marigold Bright Authorization Code: Ocean042 Log: Another shift ends, and with it a couple of arms. Every day I thank my lucky stars I decided to change my prosthetics to the Bishop Plug, otherwise I'd still be crawling around Maintenance trying to escape some insane janitor or overzealous Sec Monkey who doesn't know that I'm supposed to be carrying around a revolver. Main threat today just happened to be my favourite friends, the vermin known only as changelings. Bloody bastards are the reason I'm on my seventh heart, and if it weren't for the EMP-proof coating I paid a literal arm and a leg for, I'd probably be in cryostorage waiting for my eighth. As it stands, losing my arms and a leg is an acceptable trade-off. Shift started as usual. I call in, no one else does, Head of Security decides to raid the armoury while we're still on Green Alert and hoard all the guns "for later". Don't get me wrong, I know shit's gonna hit the fan (as it always does), but I still felt like shooting the bastard in the face and throwing his ID card into the nearest disposal outlet. One of the two Sec Monkeys decides to get shitfaced in the bar, while the other instinctively searches for the clown, like a lion preys upon the gazelle. The Warden immediately fell asleep on his chair and the Brig Doc decided to fuck off to wherever. Later, I'd find out he spent the whole shift in the bar acting like some sort of deranged pet to the NT Representative. Bloody Vox. I go through my usual proceedings. Grab the telebaton, pocket the cigs and zippo, stuff all my stuff into my satchel, grab the revolver and extra ammunition, then go run to Tool Storage to get myself a laptop. Within five minutes, I was patrolling maintenance while the station began its slow, inevitable decline into chaos. Eventually, someone screams bloody murder in Cargo. I beeline towards it, and find the door into the Warehouse was bolted open, with a husked corpse just inside. A Sec Monkey shows up, sees me taking the restraints off the corpse, and proceeds to put his single brain cell in action by tasing me and applying a pair of cuffs. It took the AI speaking up to get him to release me, because apparently Sec Monkeys are being hired from asylums now. Handcuffs on the corpse had the prints of one of the other Cargo Techs, who just happened to be missing. I find his ID and clothing further ahead in the maintenance tunnels, so I alert the AI to be on the lookout for a greyshirt with no ID card. AI kindly sets Beepsky to arrest anyone without one. A sad day when the most sane person with access to the Security Comms happens to be a pile of circuits in a box. The hunt begins. The number of attacks is low during the shift, and the rest of the crew was nice enough not to commit any major crimes (save for Chemistry making meth. Again). A couple more people were assaulted by a changeling, eventually leading to me cornering a possible suspect in the maintenance tunnels north of the Chapel. Seeing as the Sec Monkeys refused to answer my calls for help (all six of them, please kill me), I move in for the arrest. What followed next can only be described as an absolute clusterfuck. With the lights non-existent and my trusty seclite being the only source of vision, I end up missing a monkey scurrying between my legs. As I turn around, I barely have any time to react before the fucking pest turns into a Tajaran and lunges at me with a sword made out of what used to be its arm. Instinctively, I turn around and start running, hoping to find a large enough space that I could keep the thing under my aim. That's when it screeches at me. Immediately, I feel my arms and one of my legs quiver, short-circuit, and then immediately explode, knocking me flat on my ass over a table. Now possessing only one limb, again, and sure that I was about to get eaten, I decided it'd be a great time to start praying for divine intervention. And that's when I heard the honking. As per divine providence, the ling's footing is lost, and behind him I can see the pasty skin of the station's clown. He looks at me, shoots a quick smile, then proceeds to drag off the changeling towards the Chapel. Before I know it, Common Comms are flooded with the clown's taunts, and I can't help but smile. Then again, I'm also armless, missing a leg, and stuck on a table. I sigh, and begin the arduous process of rolling myself to Robotics again. Fifteen minutes later, I'm walking out with crude replacements that just don't feel the way my usual Bishops do. Thank goodness I have limb insurance. Shift Rating: Godawful. Recommend Nanotrasen hires better Sec Monkeys.

Allow me to start by saying I hate the current method of deconverting cultists, that being Holy Water. It's cheap, it's easy, and it quickly devolves into the Chaplain and Security blessing every fucking water tank and feeding it to random people JUST IN CASE. Hell, I was recently a HoS, and found myself unable to do anything to the cult without using Holy Water. I just had to keep it locked up tight where the Chaplain couldn't just run off with it and go full Inquisition. As such, I propose... Exorcism! It would act much like the Shadowling's Enthrall ability. You'd need to keep someone immobile (preferably tied to a chair), as you use the ability, and it would take around 15-20 seconds to take effect, during which you'd say some Latin nonsense (run it through Google Translate for maximum hilarity). After the ability runs its course, the person is exorcised, and no longer belongs to the cult. They can, however, be reconverted. As for the ability itself, it would be a default ability of the Chaplain, as long as he joins the actual round as one. However, sometimes you don't have a Chaplain, and you really need to combat the cult. Don't fear! If you don't have a Chaplain, you can pick up a Holy Bible, use a new verb, such as "Study", and after about a minute or two, you would have the ability to exorcise people as well. However, because you're not an ordained Chaplain, trying to exorcise someone has a chance to fail, and the same person can't be exorcized more than once in, say, ten minutes.

Quick Tips: When experimenting with runes (Spell Research), activating the rune itself is not required! If you draw the rune and the Geometer blesses you with one that glows bright red, rather than saying dull, it means it is blessed with the power of Great Nar-Nar; The Engineering Outpost is a fantastic place for Spell Research, as rarely anyone ever goes there. The bathroom, especially, is a great location, since it has no windows; Several types of runes can be imbued into papers, but these papers need to be blank (so no grabbing a bunch of supply requests from Cargo)! Perhaps the most useful of those are the Stun Papers! If imbued with a stun rune, you can have about 15 seconds of freedom over whoever you just smacked on the face; Wall Runes are a fantastic way of keeping enemies away if you happen to be cornered, and give you plenty of time to either prepare an escape plan, or be teleported out! Related to the above, make sure to grab two Brethren of the Hood and make a Summon Cultist rune if you happen to know one of your Brothers or Sisters is imprisoned. If executed correctly, they will vanish from thin air and reappear on the rune! Related to the above, Communication Runes are perhaps one of the most useful things you can use, allowing you to send a message to every cultist, everywhere (actual cultist action not guaranteed); Whacking a new tome with a tome that already has all the Words scribbled into it will transmit the Words in the tome, allowing for quick and easy distribution of brochures; You can retrace your runes, destroying them, by using your Arcane Tome on them! This is instantaneous and great if you need to quickly erase any evidence!

Well, considering we're still using what is, in essence, a Colt Revolver...

I think the main problem here is that it's a CHAINSAW. As in, a run-of-the-mill, 20th century fucking chainsaw. E-swords I can see deflecting energy projectiles. CHAINSAWS? No. Just no. They're a piece of metal with a long belt of razor-sharp teeth fed by a motor. The second that thing takes structural damage, the belt snaps and rips you in half. It simply should not act like an e-sword, at all. That's what the e-sword's there for.

Keep up the good work Tully. Learned from the best!

An atmos system that loops around Security then back to Atmos, and vents into Toxins.

Agreed. Murderboner went on a killing spree that only ended when ANOTHER ANTAG threw a pizza bomb at him. It's a fucking chainsaw, not a lightsaber.

EIGHT!!

OBJECTION!

SIX!

This. This is the crux of my argument. Real bombs leave so much evidence behind that you can actually make PATTERNS out of them and find serial bombers if they keep using the same materials/methods.

I forgot to mention that, on the way to bringing me to the brig, he drops the medal box at the Head of Personnel's office and thanks him, so either Command was a massive comdom, or the HoS had just gone full Rambo.

Of course, like all things, the specifics of the law need to be investigated/looked into by Security. Obviously, if it turns out no one is cloning anyone because there's no biomass, then that's a problem with Chemistry, not Medbay in general.

Are we allowed to bum rush it in sequence? If so, Quatro.

Didn't I see Emilia Cristopher working in Sec? Because I'm pretty sure she was sane, and it struck me as odd.