Splgrk

Who had the brilliant idea to change the hotkeys for blob. There you are, first time playing blob for fucking months, and nothing works. You go to the wiki, nope, still the same hotkeys, except they don't work. You scroll through the changelog, it's not on the first page. You come back, oh, wait, you're already dead. Isn't that fucking genius. The entire point of hotkeys is that you get them in your muscle memory so you're faster. If you've played blob a dozen times, you don't just change the fucking hotkeys. I mean, imagine if they just took out what Control+C or something does in windows. How utterly that would throw everyone off for ages. What an absolutely fantastic way to murder a rare antag that you only get to play a few times a year for no reason whatsoever.

So, 20 minutes into the shift, fastmos throws a floor tile at me and breaks a bone. I go into surgery, as one would. I wake up and the surgeon proudly proclaims that he IMPROVED my hands. By replacing them with monkey arms. I demand my own hands back, as this wasn't even a hand operation, and he refuses. So I text Internal affairs and the CMO. The surgeon still refuses, but now claims that I actually consented to this operation. I deny that and the surgeon gets fired. So far, normal medical misshap, one might think. Except this is where things really start. The CMO puts my old hands back. Except by now, they have rotted. I die during surgery, still unconscious, from massive infection. She tries to drag my body to the defib to bring me back, except at that moment, WORMHOLES open and my body falls through and to engineering. Eventually, someone discovery my rotting body. I'm brought to medbay and cloned. Except something goes wrong during the cloning process. I wake up naked, brain damaged and... blind. No worries, says the CMO, just some oculine. The oculine doesn't help. Must be genetic then! Nope, resetting my genes does nothing either. Wait, where my eyes always a dark red? No, they used to be blue... Turns out, I was cloned without eyes. So I'm brought to surgery, where monkey's eyes are removed. Except... the monkey's eyes can't be put into my sockets. Because, even though I don't have eyse, there is no room for eyes in my eyes. Turns out that's the wrong way to do that surgery. Second time, the surgeon slips and breaks my skull. Also, I'm losing a lot of blood. The shuttle is called.Finally, third attempt, the new eyes go in. Skull still broken, I'm dragged out and into the tubes. Back for another surgery. This time without anesthetic, so the surgeon slips four times. Blood loss is adding up again, so I'm now dizzy and getting brain damage. But the shuttle is here now, so enough surgery for today. Total time spent on this odyssey of surgery: over 90 minutes. For a tile to the chest. This may have been the most SS13 shift of all shifts ever.

That's why you combine it with lying. "Officer, I just found this tome, I was bringing it to the chapel, I swear. Look, the holy water isn't doing anything. I've been here for ten minutes, can I go now?"

Huh. I had no idea that you could chemically counter holy water. Never even occured to me to look it up. Bravo.

Some lizards are parthenogenic.

Suggestion instead of the McDonalds: interstellar fast food truck. Essentially, similar to Sol traders, but they sell specialty foods.

For the record, SINA- was never on Mars, doesn't know anything about explosives and any records of her being near any bar in 2498 are expunged.

I really don't think you should have traitor goals that could conceivably happen by accident.

To: NAS Trurl Public Mailing List ([email protected] From: SINA-, Warden ([email protected]) Subject: IPC bodies Hey Jenkins, I know you said no the last 16 times I asked, but can I bring one of my own bodies to work next shift? The standard IPC bodies that Nanotrasen provides us electronic employees are total shit. I work security, I need armor. Not plastic that somehow manages to fall apart when hit by EMP. I mean, I understand you won't let me use my SolGov Special Forces body because of the orbital drop pack and the rocket launchers, but I have one that I built myself that has an inbuilt rapid-fire taser and environmentally built riot armour? Surely you can't object to that. SINA-

Killing doesn't have to be loud. Just strangle them, oxygen damage means you can't talk.

I've been morgued for no reason even when still defibbable and cloneable, simply because the doctor receiving my corpse couldn't find a defib and didn't know how the cloner worked. Removing the cloner would absolutely end with more people in the morgue.

Well, there's nothing wrong with that, is there? Nanotrasen surely will do the right thing with this. If you're worried, why not just visit medbay and see for yourself? You will feel better after a cloning or two.

The system really seems super deadly. I mean, maybe it was an extreme fluke, but... I went into medbay with some damage and a broken rib. I was in the red, not critical, just red. Could still walk and talk, didn't seem too bad. Surgeon scanned me, popped me on the table, put the nitreous oxide on and... I died. Immediately, from one second to the other. Asking back with an admin tells me that no, that wasn't an assassination attempt or a slow-acting poison, I just died from long- term wound effects. You know what would probably help? Buffing paramedics. Maybe for a start, larger shifts could have two paramedics and they could start with some more emergency gear to stabilize people? (Are Stasis Bags still a thing? I haven't played medbay in years.)

Why not just give people a slap on the wrist then? I've had plenty of cases as a warden where I just told people to be nice and not do it again for 5 minute crimes like very minor battery or trespass.

I feel like I'm missing context there.