Canaids

Oh you flatterer you :3

Its a nice coincidence, since thats when the voices in his head started telling him that hes the prettiest. Which is completely true.

Also Im pretty sure that first surgeon who helped you work on me the first time was a vampire...I saw him getting "worked over" by Sec in Interrogation before my second stint as a medical wreck. I just went "Welp. Shit."

Alright kiddie winks, its time for a story about how my life got turned upside down about...six times and I lost a part of my sweet soul. This is a bit of a long read. CHAPTER ONE: THE PONCHOING Shift started, Collin Bastille rolling in his old role as a Forensic Technician (Its a BETTER title). Figured I'd go down and get myself some swanky new clothes. Rolled up to the vending machine and realised that the Hispanic Special was still up for grabs. Forensic suit, poncho, sombrero, set to go. Took a walk around the station, started hearing reports of fools turning up in mainty without any blood. Fun. Me, HoS, Captain and some other losers were about to storm the engi outpost going after one of those blood draining emos, yeah, the whole gun squad. Anyway, we realised we probably looked like idiots and we left. Soon after, my left hand man Taggart called out that he was getting accosted in maint by some emo, so I sped over. CHAPTER TWO: THE SHUTDOWNING So I run up to where I can hear some robusting, revolver drawn, ready to pounce like a panther or a really aggressive housecat. I turn the corner to see Taggard laying in a puddle of ketchup, wasteful, then I see the perp holding a ketchupy stun baton, eyes slowly focussing on me. I leap around the corner, firing my revolver ineffectively into the door frame since I cant fucking aim and getting thwacked in the face by the baton. The second part repeats about 8 times before Taggerd stumbles to his feet and backhands the crim, knocking the baton away. The scuffle quickly turns into a good a proppa SS13 lynching, even the NT Rep gets involved in beating this poor felon into fatal submission. In the room, we find Kitty and...my dear Sergey, deaded. Fiona, a helpful miner, brings the vics to medbay while I carry out my quest to turn the vampy into a VERY well done vampire steak. Along the way I can feel my skull shifting about with all the broken bits, but I think "Eh, I'll be fiiiiine" WRONG. After I torched the vamp I was on my way to medical when it happened. I walked into the door, became immediately blind due to the brain damage, walked into medical, lost control of my legs/arse, fell down, screamed. Sloan, my human surgeon, dragged my sorry ass into surgery. Then I died. I was defibbed on the spot by my borg surgeon BrightOS (thanks for not leaving me to die, like, five times). Then I died again. During this time I heard a voice in my head, instilling me with confident words like "Should your lungs be crushing your intestines? Man, thats a LOT of blood there. Look, your intestines are spilling out! You should lose like, 15 pounds." Or things to that effect. During this time I was repeatedly defibbed, surgeried, deaded, defibbed. Just as I lost hope I was thrown in cryo for the final time and...I lived. Epic. Turns out lethal doses of Radium heal the shutdown syndrome, go figure. I donned my noble poncho and set out again. CHAPTER 3: THE SHUTDOWNING: RETRIBUTION This ones a short chapter, the entire time on my way to the Brig I was having a..lovely..conversation with the revenant voice in my head. Not crazy. Though, it did shock me during my shower which was a bit rude. Anyway, turns out he absorbed the part of my soul that craved for sweet sweet nicotine, which was nice of him. He warned me and stuff about how if I died next he'd take the rest of my soul but promised to shock the shit outta the HoS. So hes pretty cool. I was called into Interrogation to interrogate someone (I wasnt really paying attention at this point since I was ranting and no one listens to a ranting man in a poncho) which seemed easy enough. I got my flask to fill with holy fukken water and opened the door. BAM, MY LEGS AND ARSE GIVE WAY AND I SLAM TO THE FLOOR WITH A MANLY SCREAM. Naturally I start ranting and yelling again which made everyone laugh and Sec hide their faces in shame. Taggert takes it upon himself to pull my shutdown ass to medbay, again. (Thanks brev) BrightOS sighs a robotic sigh (I think, I didnt really pay attention beyond screaming.) He pulls me into the cryo room and lifts a giant-ass needle, which is yet ANOTHER lethal dose of radium, yay me. After another walk on the edge between life and death I awaken to the soft sounds of death and malpractice. Once again I am kicked oot the door to the cheeky comments of that FUCKING REVENANT, who shocked the HoS earlier, which was hilarious. Ha. Guess you had to be there. CHAPTER FOUR: I FUCKING CALLED IT Anyway, I hadnt been doing my job for a while, which was cool and all but I couldnt sit around smoking all day since that craving was gone. THANKS REVENANT. Anywho, I was called to the scene of a break-in. On my way there I was surprised someone had gone to the trouble of breaking in since I...literally strolled in. Once there, I looked around, my keen detective eye noticing no sign of a break-in. Normally people would think this is suspicious, but I was thinking "Eh, guess I can dazzle this baffoon with my Forensic knowledge". The "witness" walks in and I say with hesitation. "Listen broski, if you turn out to be a fucking vampire-" and woe and behold hes a fucking vampire. Screams louder than a dying hyena, deafening me, I manage to finish my one liner and shout for help. As he strips me of my headset I manage to shout what I thought were my last words. "OF COURSE YOU'RE A FUCKING VAMPIRE. OF COURSE." I then hear a voice in my head, like when Luke heard Obi-Wan, except it wasnt my master, it was my own sweet tones echoing through my brain. "Scream." So I did, Sec charged in and bulldozed the vampire to the floor, saving my important life. He tried to escape but was caught by..someone, I took the responsibility of torching him myself. Extra salt. I strode like a conquerer onto the shuttle, tipping my sombrero at the ladies who were deffo checking my sweet Mexican style. I walked into the shuttle brig and tipped my hat low to catch some z's before reaching CC. Then I felt it. My legs, my arms...my...my arse. I CANNAE FEEL IT. The shuttle lands as I frantically try to stand, flopping like a handsome looking fish. As the curtains close over the bloodsoaked floors I close my eyes..and sleep. Until I wake up at home with several beakers of radium and a note with a love heart drawn on it. tl;dr - I got fucked up by shutdown syndrome and totally called an attempt on my life by a blood sucking emo. Thanks for reading. Buddo.

Uh, hi. I play the handsome bloke Collin Bastille. Hes like me except less witty and a bit of a prat. Played Paradise for almost 2 years now or something along those lines! Its a nice balance of stuff, can be serious but then the next moment you've been covered in paint and fliptonium. Good times. I like long walks under the stars and listening to people bitch about their problems. I like watching people fail to do simple tasks. I enjoy Archer. Honourable sidenote: #CollinXMalricXLoganXSergeyXOtherPeople4Lyfe

We need more Sergeys on the Sec force. One of the few proper upholders of the LAW.

Name: Collin Bastille Age: 26 Gender: Male Race: Human. Blood Type: O+ General Occupational Role(s): Forensic Technician Security Officer Blueshield Head of Security Security Pod Pilot Biography: Collin was born to a lower-middle class family in the North-East of England. He was an average academic for his school career. He went to university for Forensic Sciences and passed with a decent set of marks. After a few low level security occupations with different companies within the Sol system he was enlisted into the Mars Colonial Militia to deal with the different rebel groups and terrorist cells which had developed. He was set as a Field Medic for the 2nd Militia Battalion and was on the front line in fighting the insurgency. He was the only survivor in his squad after a devastating bio weapon attack on the Militia HQ from an unknown terrorist group. Since then, hes joined up with NT mostly as a Forensic Technician but has since branched out into other occupations. Qualifications: Forensic Science Militia Firearm Training Field Medical Procedures Militia Close Combat Training Militia Basic Technical Training Pod Pilot License Employment Records: Hired by NT at 24, has since preformed many Security roles combined with some some forced R&R as Medical or Service staff. Security Records: Recommended to be implanted due to a medical issue. Medical Records: Mild and random Schizophrenia due to a head injury. He has a prosthetic right arm after a brutal fight with a terrorist, ended with Collin shooting the terrorist with a revolver after having his arm severed. Also can have episodes of depression, usually brought on by Survivor's syndrome due to his unit's destruction. Personnel Photo (Appearance text): around 5'5 Black half banged hair. Medium Build Very dark eyes Tanned skin Always seems to have a slight grin. Tends to wear formal-ish clothing. Commendations [only to be added by admin]: -Medal of Bravery. Reprimands [only to be added by admin]: Other Notes: ((my ingame notes MIGHT not match the ones here but I'm probably gonna fix that..not like anyone cares THAT much though :L))