Hairy Ban Jhankri

Everybody is a criminal. They just haven't been found out, yet. Justice will be served. Even to CC officials. No one breaks the law, on my goddamn station. Not today. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Even in death, will criminal scum serve their time. Running when there is a wet floor sign up? Criminal. Otherwise why would they run? Janitor slips me with a wet floor? Criminal. Otherwise, why would they not use space cleaner? Clown makes a joke? Put them in their rightful place; perma. Don't let the crew get the idea that jokes are tolerated. We're here to work. Scientists make weapons for security? Take them. Then arrest that arms dealer, and put them away until the body rots. Medical saves the person you just beat? Accomplices and accessory to crime. Engineers don't agree to make security a fortress? Revolutionaries, obviously, otherwise they would want security to be secure. Chef doesn't make the food you want? Obviously poisoned the food. Botanists... druggies. Chaplain? Cultist in disguise. Steal their holy book for yourself. Barman? A drunk running around with a firearm. HOP? Giving away access, and I don't like it. Captain? Condom is now illegal, asshole. RD? Supplying those damned arms dealers. AI doesn't open a door to get the criminals? "Rouge". Cargo? Probably ordered weapons, at one point. We just haven't found them, yet. Mime? Doesn't speak. Hiding something. Atmos techs? Plotting to release plasma, fucking terrorists, not on my watch. Blueshield -suggests- that a head isn't a criminal? Impersonating an officer and meddling in security affairs will get you thrown away for a long time, bub. Hope you like eating twinkies and candy corn, that's all you'll be eating where we are sending you, guy. NT Rep, suggesting we aren't being productive? How about you be productive with a pick on the mining rock. All you get is a pair of shoes. Magistrate, thinks they know the law? I AM THE LAW! Lets see, who else? H-WHATS THIS, A LATE JOINED SEC OFFICER LET A CRIMINAL OUT OF THEIR CELL? Traitor. Warden suggests we can't possibly fit the entire crew into the cells? Lazy, dereliction of duty. HOS says we've gone too far? No longer fit for duty to lead. Congratulations, you are promoted to Head of Security, and you sit on your throne, as the prince of Cyber-Air. EDIT: Also this

So first, it was clearly a "troll post" in the sense of it being a lampoon. "Troll" has the implication of it being for a malicious intent, same as "stir shit up". This was indeed a joke, a caricature, a lampoon, spoof, farce, parody, for enjoyment. A possible solution does not mean a good solution; the fact that it indeed is plausible was interesting to me, as I am not sure how often something so outlandish is actually indeed able to be plausible. I am certain, that with very few tweaks, someone could have a server without security, and be absolutely fine. There have been plenty of servers without rules, even, that are dictated purely by RP, and they have surprisingly been fine. But the implication of malicious intent, is disheartening. This was, or so I thought, clearly light-hearted, and meant for the casual discussion for the purpose of opening up serious dialogue from a place of comedy and community. I think most people got the joke; I'm not sure people got the intent of the joke, though, and that it is meant to spark discussion and "think tank". These sorts of posts were quite common and well received years prior; if they are no longer welcome, or they are no longer understood, let me know, and I will cease further humour. For everything else; I'm not sure people remember what shitcurity means. It is the same as "captain is comdom" "ai is rouge" "George Melons is griffing me 4no Raisins". Memes. Common jokes, with associated meanings. Almost never serious. Here are some links to help explain the jokes versus when it is actually serious https://tgstation13.org/wiki/Shitcurity https://www.reddit.com/r/SS13/comments/3174il/what_do_you_consider_shitcurity/ Shitcurity is a prevalent meme, because of how almost every security player falls into learning the ropes. For example; harmbatoning, which is also a meme, because of how often it happens. It is only after learning what to do, not do, how, when, why, etc, that if certain things are repeated, that it becomes an unironic use of shitsec. Or comdom. Or "Rouge". Or what have you. I'm not sure how it is derogatory, because it has never been, nor am I sure how it compares to "furry". If the meanings have evolved as such, then I must have missed a mile stone, in which the user demographics have drastically changed beyond the point of comparison. Shitsec used to mean "don't do that". If it is now a derogatory term, which compares to a term that dances on being a bannable offense, then it should be made known that insulting security dances on the line of being punishable. Officially, or unofficially, IC or OOC. As far as kicking and screaming; it is more likely the people who use the word often; are doing so out of jokes, doing so out of intent to cause greytide, or intent to demoralize and aggravate. I strongly doubt the terms are used seriously in any real context, outside of shorthand, usually by staff. The people who use it are likely to not be very consistent in making an appearance, they probably aren't likely to care, and it is likely to be premeditated to find themselves in such a situation where they can spout off as such. IE; the problem, if it is indeed a problem to such a scale; then there is a troll problem, and not a child problem. Still children, but not the children you seem to imply. Which is probably really important to note, if no one has yet to note it. To make that more clear; there are people who value their time, and people who don't. Then there are people who like to waste other peoples time; in this context, grey tide. Grey tide can log on, cause problems, leave, and not break any rules. Equally, so can security, but perhaps that is beside the point. People who are vested and immersed in a round, can have it broken by someone who doesn't care. If that happens once every round, ruining each one, and someone chooses to play for an entire day; they have effectively wasted their entire day, and they are likely to feel that. What did the other person waste? Nothing. They got what they wanted. Others simply don't value their time, and won't care if they have several rounds ruined or not. The motivations are different. Understanding that is kind of important.

So on one hand, thanks, GB, for the in depth analysis. On the other for a lot of people here; I'm poking fun at the state of security, and how it'd be easier to remove the whole thing with a higher success rate, than keeping it as is, or trying to improve anything. Generally poking fun at security, security players, and the way security is being handled. While serious points are being raised, though; let's break it down. So, the joke is that antags can already have free reign, and they sometimes do, as well as there is already constant valid hunting. "Security would no longer be security" right, so, if security were removed, right. There would be no security. Which is making fun of the fact that there really isn't security to begin with. That's the joke. Security is so bad; others even have the opportunity or the inkling, to stop their own jobs, to form vigilante mobs. What is more hilarious; they actually have better capability in doing so, than security. Everything you just said; is already happening, so I don't know if you are parodying the situation as I am, or not. Sorry if I ruined the ruse and joke, if so. RP is actually at it's all time low, by the way, as well as "play the role you've chosen". Those are separate topics, though. Those points aren't apart of the joke. Dragging a beepsky in tow is the hilarious opposite of robust. Relying on gear, especially in excess, is the opposite of robust. Leaving coworkers behind in dangerous situations isn't robust. As far as shitcurity as a word goes; it used to be used by anyone and everyone. Including security players to other security players. It tests temperament, it's trolling, I guess, used to be used ironically, and almost nearly never used unironically. As far as everything else... People probably value their time a lot more, than those who don't mind. Simple as that, really. Falling back on the shitcurity point; hazing was a good teaching method. If an officer fucks up, and the detainee, fellow officers, command, and the rest of the crew all weigh in on saying "that move/behaviour is/was shitcurity" then lesson is learned a lot quicker, of to not do that again. So, dealing with a pissed off person is part of the learning and teaching process. Moreover; it is natural to range anywhere from mildly upset to stark raving mad when unlawfully/unnecessarily bothered by authority figures. It isn't something that some people grasp as a concept, until they are in some form of authority, in game or otherwise. Out of character; I imagine more so for the demographics to play this game. That isn't even touching upon the vast sociological and psychological differences that you get in an multinational game. So, to wrap up this bit, it doesn't help anyone learn, not as effectively, anyway, and as far as people getting pissed; the reasons are vast. Individually, you might have to ask what exactly it is that bothers people, in the moment. Beyond that, though; law should be enforced uniformly, so it doesn't cause confusion and upset in those who emulate common behaviours. I don't know about you, but I value 15 minutes of my life. Most people do, hence why they get so upset about trivial things causing a disruption. Even 5 minutes, will usually be pretty potent. A buddy once asked my why I don't take the toll roads. I said I didn't mind the 10 minutes, and I didn't want to spend the money. He said if he could buy ten minutes of life, he would. Again, that sociological and psychological diversity facet should at least be acknowledged, for better understanding. Maybe for someone who plays several rounds a day, 15, or even 5 minutes every so often isn't a big deal. For others who play a couple rounds a week or month, it might mean more. Or it could go the other way. However you want to look at it. People vary. As far as greytide; I'd imagine those types to either want to be caught, or just want to cause problems and then leave. I don't think they are really the issue. If they are; that should be addressed immediately. As far as being meek and passive to get out of trouble; that is a fair tactic, I'm certain everyone has used it, before. Others aren't like that, and that is equally fair RP. Being horrible to deal with means you probably won't be dealt with very much in the future. I should know; I hate bothering with the meta-cliques that do it all the time. Which to be clear; I was a well known, and well liked HOS player, by antag and loyalist alike. None of this is speaking out of my ass; I'm approaching from the perspective of a clown, security, and command. All angles. I shouldn't have to play the identity card, but there you go. "expert opinion".

It's boring and useless. /thread Just kidding. There's more to it than that. It's boring for all involved, it's useless as far as being reliable, and it almost always causes way more problems than the department mitigates or is even possible to mitigate, let alone mediate. The department could be removed, and there would only be positives to come out of it; no one will be harassed by shitsec, no more loot pinatas, no more arguing space law with admins, and it will increase RP. And I'm sure there are plenty of other positives. There are no negatives; security rarely has a good member, and they usually aren't listened to, anyway, and gets killed by the other members through negligence, ignorance, etc. Security doesn't, or isn't able to enforce the law to begin with, so removing them isn't a problem. There are usually scientists who end up being security, anyway, and that is all that is really needed for any sort of antag deterrent. Any significant need for security could be mitigated with ERT use. Minor needs for departmental discipline could be handled by the heads of each department as well as IA. As far as security players go; there are two main groups. Old veteran players, and the ones who are just starting to pick up the ropes. To the new ones; I'd say potentially being hired as some form of security by the HOP might be fun for you, or perhaps as a bouncer at the bar, if you are disappointed at the prospect of no longer having a security department. For the old ones; I'd say that to keep going back to security to try to make security good/fun again is like going back to an ex-girlfriend that does the thing you like, texting you at 3am, saying she wants to meet up, to do that thing you like, only to remember why you broke up in the first place; before she does the thing you like. It would probably be more enjoyable, less stressful, and provides more benefit to the rest of the crew, to move on to a new department. Really, when it comes down to it; there isn't really a need or use for security, nor benefit. It might as well be the new xeno-arch. Except for hiding bodies; it's for being a domineering asshole, and looting noobs as an antag. It would be more fun and less stressful for all, to remove security.

This is still going? The number of this post is equal to the most current number divided by zero.

I am disappoint that the Wendigo is a thing already in ss13, and has probably been butchered from the really cool idea of what it actually is. Oh well. But now I see, that totally makes way more sense now, wanting an actual snowflake creature as a race, with all things considered. I haven't been on in a really long time, but I have been trying to stay updated Mechanically animated snowmen that come from a distant planet and have a really in depth culture and is really "cool" and has more mannerisms than . . . snowflakes . . . I guess. A literal snowflake race. They need a really nerdy and long annoying name for full on snowflakey-ness. This idea is grand. Make it happen. I shall declare myself the king of the snowflake people. No, really, it will be in my flavour text: "In front of you, you see a massively large 9001 foot tall snowflake with all the right curves in all the right places. He has long flowing hair, and has inviting but still steely cold eyes that stare off into the distance, as if he has seen many things in his life .. . He is the king of all the snow people after fighting many snowball fights and losing almost all of his snowflake brothers, you can even still see his battle scars on his perfectly strong snowflake arms. He speaks with a booming voice. Also, he can deadlift the entire station and shoot lasers from his nostrils. He is also invincible. You get the impression that he is the most important person ever, and that he can role play better than anybody ever."

*cough* revisit old law/sop drafts? *cough* *cough* total station wide SOP revamp? *cough* Yeah, the new ones from a while ago seemed kind of lame, I could lawyer my way out of anything if I cared enough to, but as HOS, I was extremely limited, I felt. but I kind of haven't played here in 5ever, so . . . .

From the title alone, I thought this was going in a far different direction. So, a few tidbits that may be enjoyed: The Wampa and Wendigo are far different concepts, as far as I really care to know. A wampa, which I will not really look into further than what I saw in the movies, is just a really big animal, not really much more than that. The Wendigo, however, is far more in depth. It is not only a very symbolic creature, it is also dips into spirituality. The wendigo is the fate of those who fall into cannibalism, either by possession, or just simply transformation, depends on what you want to believe. Personally, I think the wendigo would be a really cool concept, but probably not appropriate here, like, at all, in any way. HOWEVER, I think you may enjoy a few other ideas stemming from these concepts, perhaps. If you are looking for a snowy creature, might I interest you in a bit of a shamanic twist on perhaps what you may have already been thinking? The Yeti, the Abominable Snowman, a shamanic guide. The Yeti is an illusive creature, a shamanic guide, a benevolent and teaching spirit. Some characteristics and lore behind such a concept would be an extremely low number of them, extremely "strong and silent" and otherworldly wise. If not what you may be looking for, exactly, and you simply just wanted to focus more on the snowy bits, then perhaps I may interest you in frost giants, or ice trolls? I mean, those can simply be looked up, easily. Even still, you can just use the concepts for making up names, or using base ideas. I had other ideas, I forgot them. Oh well.

I never made one of these, and I never intend to really make a proper one. I think it has been long enough to be forgotten by hopefully all but a select few. Greetings, each of you I more than likely have never met before. I have been busy traversing the Gucciverse, and shall remain there for some time.

Oh hey guys, what's going on in this thread? . . . . . . . . . oh lawdy . . . slaanesh heretics . . . I can't use space lube on them, or bananas . . . I am ill equipped . . .the mimes . . . no, that could take a wrong turn . . . Emperor have mercy, for my eyes have been tainted

That is a really big book to be holding with one hand. That dudes forearms must be the size of a bolter.

First session, finally happens. Almost nobody shows up, and those that do, some of them have to peace out early. I show up late, and I have no idea what is going on. GM does some GM voodoo, and puts us in a pocket dimension for a moment to intro my char, and get a good feel for RP and all that between chars. So, Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked He's so mad, but he won't give up that Easy, no Anyway for real, snap back to reality, my party has killed a few goblins and all that, they are in some form of goblin castle, they need to reach the boss for information or something. They are all incredibly tanky fighters, but they still do the whole jedi mind tricks thing to make it so they don't have to kill everything in sight. They don't know I am a changeling psion, so GM and I are being hooligans over skype chat to do minor thing unnoticed. My party members suggest I try to pass as a goblin, since I am the shortest there, and dragonborns are totally not goblins. I am more than happy to do that. I tell them to go behind a corner or whatever, so I can do my ling power, and assume the form of a fallen goblin. So, I am a goblin, now, and we propose I scout. I come across a floor boss and his patrol goblins. Long story short with that one, I gather as much info as I can, and a team member use some stealth thing, turns invisible, kills three of the goblin guards. A few mind tricks later, goblin boss vaporizes his whole patrol, and we kill the boss, which I again assume the identity of behind a corner or whatever. I, being the floor boss, am to scout ahead. I drag along a fallen comrade for effect. I come across the next set of guards, and we are now in the inner areas of the castle. These guards are like super guards, but not as high up as a floor boss. Long story short on that one, I weave a tale of how all of the other previous floors were stormed by at least 60 soldiers, some of them being invisible, some being demons, and some casting magic. All but one is scared shitless. I suggest we could stand and fight, which we will surely die in moments, as the supposed army is right behind me, or we could simply join these killers, as the obvious leader is of poor quality. All but one casts out there new leader, and awaits to be spared by the supposed army coming to slaughter us. The other turns to tell the boss what has happened, however my party member turns invisible, runs up, and does like a war shout in his face. We now have 5 goblins at our side, 2 of them being elite guards. They have keys, and knowledge of the castle, and let us into some store closet with weapons, potions, and all, which we loot. And that, my dear children, is the end of the story for now. It was a very short session, with my involvement, me being late. I guess they did crazy weird shit like scaring off an entire force of like 60 somehow to actually get into the castle. Also, I am not going to proof read this shit, too lazy, so I might edit it later, maybe. Session 1: successful. they still think I am a bard, just being super shady about being a bard.

Smiles for Miles . . . that sounds like Miles of Smiles

Once upon a time, there was a youngster by the name of Jguytriple5. His(her?) (meh, who cares?) parents were rebels. "Fuck normal names" they said, and thus that is what their child's name was. All throughout his youth, J was a rambunctious little rebel, just like his parents. Sort of. See, his parents went all out, named their kid a weird name, partied, rioted, did all that shit. J parked in front of fire hydrants, "Fuck the pol- firemen" and littered. "Down with the man. The garbage man. Yeah, pick up my garbage, man." Sometimes, he would put a sticker or two on the sides of buildings "That'll show 'em". Mostly, the cops would just talk aggressively towards J. Sometimes, he'd get a parking ticket. He'd never pay them, though. Eventually, one day in his adult life, still a rebel, but less so in his more mature age, J decided to blow a stop sign. "The man is trying to make me stop, man. Fuck the man. I ain't eva gonna give you up, neva gon' let you down, neva gon' run 'round 'nd desert you. I mean, listen to the man. I ain't eve gon' listen to the man". At that moment, a cop nabbed him. "Well, J, we have a new system in place, looks like you are going away for a loooooooong time, looking at your record". "My record?! What the fuck kind of pig are you???! I can't go to jail!" "Well, son, you should have thought about that before you littered all those times, and stuck a spider man sticker on that drug store all those years ago. Stop breaking the law, asshole. Do not resist arrest". And that, my dear children, was the last anybody ever saw of J. He did indeed get a life sentence. Some say he even went brain dead the moment they stuck him in the cell. Others whisper that he was brain dead long before that, the moment we was put in cuffs. Some are more hopeful, and say he will wake up in a few years to see if he was let out yet, or maybe he will wake up just in time for the mysterious Not-Emergency-Shuttle-Because-I-Don't-Have-A-Witty-Analogy to come and possibly give him a second chance at being out in the open, once more, for but a stitch in time. The end.

I could explain. I am not sure you would enjoy it very much. Dost thou hast no imagination? I think you would be rather surprised how easily a hand could/would/should be dealt with. Also, only allowed to quote three quotes at a time? Damper.