I've put in about a collective week of playtime working out how to play Warden. It's been an interesting process, mostly a test on how much bullshit I'm willing to put up with on a regular basis. Still, starting to love the role, mostly because I'm not quite robust enough to act in field reliably and my security character is an IPC. Robot man likes paperwork and yelling. Robot man gets to watch the gun locker and brig.
There's been a trend I've noticed where non-antags give the most fuss and entertainment when it comes to processing. Save the odd freedom implant and one incredibly persistent vampire, if there's an antag in custody, the procedure goes like this:
Rifle through his goodies.
Check his PDA if it's a traitor round or you don't know.
Ask if he murdered anyone.
If yes, hurl his ass out an airlock legally execute him after a captain's fax.
If no, gulag him with the cuffs still on implant and perma.
Almost letter for boring as shit letter. Once an officer officially captures a baddie, I'm basically fluff protection.
No, the best ones are the obviously innocent civilians that totally didn't decide to break into chemistry because they had to wait two seconds. Because they're so obviously right, you're just being shitcurity for holding them for a clearly, totally, 100% just cause. Or, alternatively, the ones with snowflakey characters that have this one weird quirk or another that they will, without fail, act on, no matter how annoying or validating it is.
The case that taught me this lesson in force was Mask Guy. I don't recall his name, and I don't really want to, as I think he'd want to be remembered like this. Mask Guy got brought in on charges for breaking and entering and possession of a weapon in the form of a spear on his back. Story checked out and by how it was told, he sounded like he was going to be somewhat of an issue later. So I left the spear in evidence and was set to brig him for fifteen minutes.
Now, he didn't have his ID on, and he, as the title Mask Guy would suggest, was wearing a mask. So I had to take it off to get a name for the records.
Mask Guy did not like this.
Mask Guy didn't like this so much he began to *scream his head off, screeching "MY MASK" just slow enough to not be considered spam, and started wriggling out of his cuffs whenever he was left still. I ignored it, annoying as it was, and began moving his stuff into the cell locker. For some now unfathomable reason, I threw his mask in there as well. Mask Guy was distraught at this, even more so if that was at all possible. Once I set the timer and uncuffed him, he immediately started causing a ruckus, continuing the *screaming and cries for his mask. After a minute or so of this, I worked out that one, I didn't want to sit in my office and listen to this shit for fifteen minutes straight (because God knows he would've kept that up) and two, it was kinda a dick move on my end. So I walk down to the cell, ask him to step away from the door...and get promptly attacked by Mask Guy.
This began a routine of where someone would try to get Mask Guy's mask back while keeping him in containment, failing, and having to taser him and start the whole process over again. While Mask Guy was being a general shit about the whole situation, it was a bit of a fail on security's end as well. It took motherfucking three of us to actually get things calmed down enough to get a shrink on the case. And one of us, I.E me, had goddamn Krag Mava gloves that would've fixed at least part of the problem.
Lessons learned from that story: Get robust, don't take personal effects away. Fuck knows the repercussions it can have on your psyche.
While I'm here I may as well bring up the case of the Mystery Meth Generator. One shift, the detective came around with a handcuffed civie in hand, saying she broke into his office and began beating the hell out of him. Assault it is, throw her in the brig, same old same old. Except I go to update her security records, and her name isn't even on roster. Huh, that's weird. Even more weird is the fact she's spouting out nonsensical insults in a very pre programmed fashion. I had a test server on hand for para's code base so I put two and two and figured it wasn't an actual person. I assumed adminspawn at the time, but now that I know of the kind of random bullshit that can happen around here, I'm less sure.
I was fine with playing along. So I made a new record for her and began filling in the proper credentials. Then I start hearing punching noises. Uh oh. I go to the cell, and there's the brig phys, getting his shit kicked in by the inmate. Wanting to be fancy (as our doc was probably getting his bones broken, dumb I know), I went for a leg sweep....and absolutely nothing happened. Stun baton? Nope, nothing. And now I'm disarmed and on the floor. One random officer coming in for backup later, we manage to get her under control. The brig phys said they needed treatment for toxins damage. Later, she was scanned, and it said she had 100+u of Meth in her system. After another bout of attempted drug fueled escape, she finally stopped and calmed down. To this day, I have no clear idea what the fuck happened there.
Outside of a noteworthy HoS and a lightning fast Rev, things have calmed down for my Warden shifts. I'm no longer terribly un-robust, and I can remember Space Law charges pretty well. I like to think Security likes playing with BMU-Maverick. In reality I'm sure he's on the shit list. Ah well. I'm learning at least, that's the important part.