Chronarch

*rumble

These are funny. I like

Welcome to Paradise! Enjoy your stay

6 errors detected in program. Shutting down for debugging.

Welcome to Paradise, enjoy your stay

New art by @Benjaminfallout! This is like the fifth ping they've gotten from me in the past 5 minutes

New art by @Benjaminfallout!

Very nice! I'll be updating my profiles now!

I am SO GLAD you did not add more bartenders. I really don't like the idea of more than one bartender in one bar

Here's to at least two more pages!

Feel free to do any of my characters in this style!

Teaaaa

Three people on one account? That's not confusing at all! See you folks onstation!

Welcome to Paradise, Psymon! B.E.E.R is always happy to see someone rational in the bar! As for my other characters, I'm sure they'd be glad to teach you a few things, they do love helping!

Oh, I didn't even know this existed. huh. Suppose I gotta keep an eye out for people to recommend now ;)

That was way two complex. Let's go back to just simple puns

HoP is too busy being acting captain, they should hire at least one assistant

I hear 5 people think ZN23X should get the Dumbdumn treatment

Welcome to the forums, Hox!

Six minutes per reprimand!

One mildly annoyed visit to the bar later...

I almost forgot about this! Still think it's awesome!

Psychologist's Report B.E.E.R ---------------click--------------- Recording starts: "I have a question for you, B.E.E.R." "Well, isn't that new? Shoot." "You keep talking about 'that night,' What do you mean about that?" "You want to hear that story, eh? Well, if ya insist." "Take your time." "So, this was... five years ago? Yeah, five. Anyway, I just got the Spigot, and got this contract for a party on a planet, forget the name. I come in and land by a city with a beautiful glass dome. They called it the Citadel, I believe." "I see..." "Anyway, I see this red glow over the horizon, I ignore it at the time, thinking it's the sunrise or whatever. I get set up, open the bar, and start serving drinks. It was a nice party, until it happened." "It?" "During the party, the red glow kept getting brighter and brighter. Nobody seemed too worried about it, but then again we were all a little too drunk. Except me of course. Around half an hour in, we hear this tearing noise, like someone ripped the very fabric of reality. Everyone starts running away, and a few moments later I see why." B.E.E.R sighs, and you can hear someone drinking something. "This beast was something out of nightmares. Skinless, all muscle and I swear this thing was breathing the upper atmosphere of the planet. Then, it starts walking. each step created a fucking shockwave. In three steps, it was at the city. Its next step shattered the dome." "Shattered? Good lord." "It looked like fucking snow raining down. This thing takes another step, and the air in the city starts turning red, you could see this fine mist floating out. This is when I finally stopped staring like an idiot, packed the Spigot up, and got the hell out of dodge. Problem is, I had to fly over the city to get out. So, I fly through the mist, and dodge these creatures that I swear only belong in Hell." There is a long pause. "When I eventually slow down, I'm halfway across the galaxy. I get into a parking orbit around the nearest star, and start scrubbing the Spigot clean. It took weeks, and the mist had stained the metal a slight crimson. Turns out, I flew through a cloud of fucking blood. I flew through the citizens of the Citadel. That fucking BEAST turned a city of millions to a mist." "Is that how you got that crack?" "When one of those shockwaves hit, I must have fallen, and cracked the screen. I- I'm not sure." PAUSE "I finally got to know that story... I won't lie, I see why his patrons were reporting him. All those lives, lost." He clears his throat, "B.E.E.R seems to be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He also is likely to be severely depressed, despite his quite chipper attitude. Given his large amount of drinking, it seems that he manages it through constantly being slightly inebriated. While unhealthy, it seems to work fine, and since there aren't many cases of IPC PTSD, this information will be quite useful to further research." END REPORT

@Sampaiii I was the warden that round, and dear lord was that shift a headache. From a rogue IAA, to suspected changelings not actually being changelings. Thankfully, the Magistrate, Hon. Han Sprite, helped keep my sanity.

5 gags to silence them