KennyMazzle

Quite a short story here but did you know it's possible to consume infinite amounts of cheese? My most recent shift had me as the virologist after creating a good healing virus 15 minutes into the shift and being (un)helpful when there was an outbreak of GBS. Went to the arcades for a while, won some tickets and bought a fake chainsaw then a fake tommy gun. Fake murdered some random people and most of them were kind enough to scream and fall over which is always lovely! But then the SM went pop and for some reason someone was pushing around a locker with a whole bunch of cheese wheels in it. I thought, why not? Ate an entire cheese wheel. Another crew member was watching me with morbid fascination. Ate another cheese wheel. Couldn't finish it though, the crewmember helpfully force-fed it to me until I was literally full of cheese. I went to buy some weight-loss shakes only to remember I lost all my money playing the slot machines earlier in the shift. Went back to the cheese locker in shame and admitted my poverty to the helpful guy. Then he had a brilliant idea. "Have you tried injecting it?" I immediately raced to virology to use the grinder. In goes the cheese wheel, out comes liquid cheese. I downed the large beaker and went to get more cheese. The cheese was calling to me and by golly I was going to answer. Stuffing two more wheels into my backpack and holding one in each hand I again went back to virology and learned 2 cheese wheels in the grinder filled up the beaker quite nicely! I drank the entire thing then did it again with another 2 wheels. My PDA pinged, it was the helpful cheese man again. He messaged me as he brought more cheese! This time he came in with me to witness my achieving the pinnacle of lactose-human hybridising. The final 2 wheels went into the grinder and I spent the next minute injecting them straight into my bloodstream. We then fled to the escape shuttle and I was entirely satisfied with myself. I was more cheese than man and nobody could take that away from me other than the bear that mauled me to death once we landed.

So yesterday I was Kenny Mazzle, grizzled detective out to solve crimes and keep the station lawful and safe. This shift though I encountered something that's never happened to me before - mindswap! I was just about to be murdered by a slime person and their accomplice when they managed to swap minds. Now I was the slime person. Now they were the detective. But I'd been around before, done some other things including a small investigation into a broken camera in virology. Surely it would just be a case of pointing this out, letting security know about the paperwork and what it had in it plus mention previous encounters with other crew that only the detective would know, right? Wrong! Security let the person in my detective body go collect the witnesses. They let the person in my detective body go and gather evidence that I mentioned. I had a tape recorder in my backpack running before I went to act on a message I received on my PDA on the off-chance I was murdered so it would record what happened. The 'detective' supplied a tape recorder and said it had not been recording. Was he searched? Nope! Did anyone check the recorder? Probably not! Other key points were people I'd spoken to previously - another security officer vouched for me (kinda) by our brief conversation in maints about finding a headset and blood stain. I also spoke to the viro who had a Swedish accent at the time. I mentioned this, for some reason he no longer had an accent when security spoke to him. Did they ask if he had a Swedish accent earlier when he spoke to the detective? Nope! There was also someone who wanted a spare pair of sunglasses to help them build a cool looking HUD. It's all about style, you see. Something I mentioned. But the 'detective' also managed to answer the same thing because he was the one who got the witness. I'll probably never know how he knew those things. Then the salt happened. From me. So much salt! Security weren't following protocol as far as I could see, they were letting the accused gather evidence and witnesses that would incriminate them! Why was nobody listening to me?! I was close to being incinerated when the HoS talked the captain down to just putting me in perma where I could sit and stew in all my salt. I whinged and complained to anyone unfortunate enough to be within talking distance to me, the 'detective' came back and basically said they still had to kill me but for what it's worth they were sorry. Seemed like a nice person - antags gotta antag! Then I got halfway through writing a salty suicide note when sec came and dragged me into a cell adjacent to the now-arrested 'detective'. Then I ripped out my slime core. So to everyone who was on the receiving end of my salty whinge-stick: I apologise. I stopped having fun and just became a complaining pain in the arse. Moan, moan moan. I'm normally quite chipper! To the antag who did the singularly best example of identity theft I've ever seen - well played! Hats off to you, I genuinely have no idea how you managed to come by a lot of the information that you had and I'm still very impressed at how well you managed to persuade security that you were still the detective. I know there were cortical borers about so suspect that might have had something to do with it and I have a few theories but otherwise I'm just left amazed and impressed. Finally my salt has gone and been replaced with some slightly sheepish humility.

Traitor round - spawned as a virologist. Did the usual healing virus which was ready in about 15 minutes into the shift and decided on emag/storage implant/that thing that lets you remotely connect to doors. Put said items into my storage implant and had a few TK left and the injector pipette was on sale so it ended up being my last item. Managed to emag a borg as well as contact another traitor. Deleted the messages from the other syndie and told the borg to murder and space someone who was an objective of mine. Skip about 15 minutes and I'm on security being searched and questioned. I'm handcuffed and they're going through my gear. Officer starts to take my PDA and then BEEP "delete all conversation my identity has been compromised" from the other syndie. Literally as it's being taken from me - could not have had worse timing. Ended up getting a lethal injection after emagging the arcade in perma and Cuban-Pete bombed the doors then emagged my way to evidence and wearing all the gear inside. No regrets.

I turned myself into a monkey using Lesser Form which should have enabled vent crawling? My mistake, I did mean alt+click in my original post so I'll change that now.

So I spawned as a viro ling in a shift today and thought perfect! Vent crawling and spraying viruses at people and generally enjoying some havoc. However I was unable to vent crawl. MentorHelped and was told I can't vent crawl while holding something. Fair enough! Dropped the spray bottle and tried again. Nothing. Wanting a safer place to try (I was in the barbers at the time so anyone could have wandered past and seen me) I went back to virology, opened an isolation room door, lesser formed in an open locker to hide my gear and tried again. Nothing. Sent some more mentor messages as alt+clicking was still not working. No reply. Messaged admins, no reply. Checked and saw there were no admins online. Bummer. So there I was locked in a tiny observation room as a monkey with my ID on the other side of the door with no vent CRAWLING and the only thing pressing Alt was doing was changing Walk to Run while Alt was being held dow. So decided to call it a day and SSD but feel quite down about it since it completely negated what could have been a very fun antag round. Anyone else have this issue? Is there a way I can avoid it? I've been cortical borers before and can vent crawl just fine.

Might have to take one to a... Chef? Chemist? Probably just a case of blending and analysing and I shall post my results on the off-chance someone else is interested.

Are they just food? Is there anything else in them? I can't seem to find any entry on them in the paradise wiki beyond the fact they're a hacked-available item in food vending machines.

Thanks for the tips! I thought I was just channelling the soul of a grumpy old man today but it's good to know it's happened to others and there is a solution for it.

Today I rage-quit the game for the first time since I started playing. Being a roboticist, build a nice mining Ripley and an Oddey for medical but I had a constant swarm of borgs coming in asking for upgrades. This is usually fine but a couple of them were constantly queuing up their upgrades on the machines while I was trying to use them and I found this incredibly frustrating. Then they'd stand in the corner and constantly point at the machine while chirping that those are the upgrades they wanted. When one was in the queue but red I had to go to the main menu to see what materials were in the machine and what I'd need to add into it. Low and behold though as I was looking the borg would go back to the upgrades menu and start adding in more. This must have happened 3 or 4 times before I ragequit. I logged in about 5 minutes later after cooling off, went back to robotics and there was already a borg waiting and also kept trying to use the machine while I was checking materials because they wanted a VTEC. Does anyone else experience this or did I just have an unlucky day?

I'm still quite new to the game but I've more-or-less got the hang of robotics. Surgeries are still an obstacle for me through due to different requirements for IPCs, cybernetics and flesh people. Exo-building is a joy though. Nice to be here.