Pantalone, the Sad Clown

[FeiH]

Name: Pantalone Du Rigaletto

Age: "rather not specify" [Clearance: Medical] 46

Gender: Male

Race: Vulpkanin

Blood Type: B-

General Occupational Role(s): Clown, Assistant, Sad Clown 

 

Biography: aside from extensive records that catalogue every major event in Pantalone's life from the moment of his birth to the present day, not much is known about the somber entertainer. From the moment he emerged crying from the womb of his clown mother young Pantalone was destined for the stage - that is, until a freak accident involving a clown car, two knife jugglers, and an ill-fated trip to a cream pie factory led to several casualties, leaving the poor child traumatized and unable to jape for most of his formative years.

A native of the clown planet, Pantalone's devotion to the Honkmother was unquestioned. his stunted growth as a clown child plagued his clown adult years, his grasp on comedy as weak as his grasp on anything, had his hands been replaced with prosthetic hands made of rubber chickens. He had the comedic timing of a stopped clock and the wit of a bowl of sliced fruit, his pranks as limp as his clown wig's stupid floppy hair. His continued existence as a clown was only permitted because the higher echelons of clown society found his situation comedic. The honkmother, ever fickle, cursed his clownly visage to be forever visible under whatever mask he wore - devoid of even the joys of red hair and white makeup, any mask Pantalone wears is rendered invisible. A scarlet letter of his failure as a clown, drawn in crayon.

[Clearance: Clown]

Pantalone's very employment on the cyberiad is considered an insulting gesture among the most erudite of harlequins and jesters. A symbol of the unchecked greed running rampant through NanoTrasen, obfuscated under a veneer of barely competent leadership. Pantalone is trapped in limbo, a victim of circumstance led along by higher beings who enjoy watching him stumble along and fail at even the simplest of japes and pranks.

In the end, the only differentiating factor between a comedy and a tragedy is a change of perspective.

Qualifications: graduate of the clown academy of japery with a Phloppy Deploma in Sad Clownery And You Suck, Pantalone, And This Document Is Official So You Will Have To Present It To Everyone You Will Ever Be Employed By, Ha Ha Ha.

 

Employment Records: freelance clownery and japery, it it can be called that.

 

Security Records: Classified an EoC (Eheheheh, oh Clown!) as well as a really bad clown but we can't arrest him for that unless we get a fax from the clown high council of fools.

 

Medical Records: a healthy comedy gland, for some reason.

 

Personnel Photo (Appearance text): You see Pantalone, a Vulpkanin! He is wearing clothes befitting a clown, though he is not wearing a clown mask or wig. His face looks oddly funny, though, even if he looks almost constantly tired. Any attempt at looking whimsical fails, his air of clownishness diminished by how stiff his movements are. His clothes are disheveled, his clown shoes lack shine, and overall he looks less like a clown and more like... a clown, but in a derogatory way, but not in like, a racist way.

 

Commendations [only to be added by admin]:

 

 

Reprimands [only to be added by admin]:

 

Other Notes: 

pantalone's invisible mask is a reference to a bug with "the madman" clown mask on Vulpkanin that render their heads the "template" entity as a placeholder. I sincerely hope this never gets fixed.

Edited September 16, 2017 by FeiH