Unlucky Antags

[Fursamie]

It's the start of a round, and I'm the chaplain! I set my religion to Despakito and my deity to space spain - grab my null rod, change it to that one red chainsaw sword or whatever. OOC gets muted, and before I could spout something like "Come to the chapel and check out the new trendy religion!", that big, red coloured sentence cursed my entire round.

"You are the traitor."

So. My objectives were to steal an unused slime extract.. Easy enough.. Steal the CE's mag boots? Difficult, not impossible. Escape alive and free? This was going to be EASY greentext. First things first, I needed to buy a holoparasite. I headed into a locker in chapel maint, and got my holoparasite. Planned on cremating it, so I injected myself and put the box inside mybag. A paramedic came and awkwardly stood there, and I think he saw my holoparasite injector inhand since I couldn't put it in my bag quick enough. Thankfully, he walked off with no reports on the comms.

Turns out, I wasn't very proficient at cremating. My holoparasite (Titanium Orchid) had to teach me how to do it, and from that moment on I knew we'd be best friends. Also, my collaborator was a vox named Chayakriti or something along those lines - I asked something very simple of her, "If I get caught, I'll say the code words on comms so you can save me from perma." She agreed. I headed back to the chapel maint to make sure I didn't leave any evidence, when someone by the name of U.S.S.R strolled along. My holoparasite urged me to tell him the code words, so I did. Me and him said the codewords at the same time, so we both knew we were cool. I leaned in and whispered that Chayakriti, the roboticist, was on our side. I told him my objectives, and he said he could try to snag the magboots for me. We shared a nod and parted ways. 

Later, while I sat in the chapel, my holoparasite suggested a plan. We go to scimaint all the way to xenobiology and ask for an unused slime extract "for a ritual". Sounds good. I headed to scimaint, to xenobiology, where I sat with a 
"cat girl", where we waited for someone to open the xenobiology door. His name was Gavin, and again, my holoparasite urged me to say the codewords. I did, and at first he seemed oblivious to it but within maybe 10 seconds he caught on. He said "Oh, right, codewords! Peace test pride, yeah yeah, whatever." I told him that U.S.S.R and Chayakriti were friends, and eventually the RD came around. She asked why we wanted in and I said I needed a slime extract for a ritual. She was being annoying, saying that we had to wait for a xenobiologist to come, but amazingly, a xenobiologist walked through and we quickly followed. He gave me a yellow slime extract which I stuck in my internals box (no one ever looks there), and Gavin.. Did something. I didn't see to be honest. Once I left, I sat in the chapel some more when U.S.S.R PDA'd me about him mindslaving a vox. Cool! Later on, when I took a stroll out the chapel, I saw him implanting a roboticist and knew it was probably another mindslave. Now all of robotics and a vox, including a holoparasite, were now an unstoppable team.

The shift dragged on, and comms was screaming about Asrair having a holoparasite. None of my business, so I went to robotics where our CREW (some at least) were hanging out. Chayakriti tried to kill E-N with a fucking chainsaw. And everyone who passed by robotics didn't care. Even a security guard came to the desk and they didn't give a shit. I strolled in and asked if he had the magboots, he replied with a sad no. But this gave me an idea. 

Here's how theoretically it'd go down.

1. I ask the CE to a duel.
2. If he says yes, I say that "no machinery is allowed" and I throw away my PDA and headset, urging him to do the same.
3. We battle in the holodeck where instead of an actual honourable fight, me and my holoparasite beat him to death and stuff his body in some locker in maint.
4. ???
5. Steal his magboots and ID.

However, when me and U.S.S.R got to engineering to look for him, he declined. He called security but instead of harmbatoning hungry maniacs the NT rep Emily-7 came. She told me to get out, but luckily my chapel blew up a little prior to her coming in. So I used it as an excuse to stay here to "complain" because the CE let it happen(lol). She got tired of it and left, and U.S.S.R came to my side. We devised a plan. Here's what was supposed to happen.

1. We get the mindslaved vox with a chainsaw, U.S.S.R armed with some sort of weapon, my holy chainsaw sword, and the holoparasite all together.
2. We get soap.
3. Slip CE.
4. Beat into crit as a collective before he can even utter a word on comms.
5. Space the body in the airlock leading to the engine.
6. ???
7. Steal magboots, PDA and ID.

For the most part, it worked! We killed him in less than 15 seconds and I stuffed the magboots in my bag! I asked the vox to space the body, but he didn't listen and left. I didn't have access and gave the vox the CE's ID. I didn't think anyone would visit engineering's secure storage nor engine's airlock, so I left it.

God I was so wrong.

The shuttle was coincidentally called BECAUSE of Asrair's shenanigans, so we all huddled over at the waiting room for the shuttle. I heard outcry like "recall the shuttle!" and after 3 minutes, the Captain caved in. I thought nothing of it, until I heard these horrible words on comms.

[Common][NT rep]Emily-7:"Blueshield, go check engineering."

FUCK. I told U.S.S.R, since he had access to engineering to go try and space the body. He argued a bit but he submitted. I didn't hear from him again. So it was me and Gavin sitting on those chairs. I got continously more and more anxious, until I decided to fuck it and head to a pod with Gavin. My holoparasite said to ask if he had a holoparasite, so I did and he said yes. THIS IS IMPORTANT. We headed to the pod, and our holoparasites had a conversation we couldn't understand. The crew transfer vote activated and, like usual, everyone said yes. So we were in that pod for 3 minutes until the door opened. It was a security officer. He tased me and immediately I knew why. The CE must've been cloned. Gavin and I summoned our holoparasites but the officer killed me quickly, and Gavin's holoparasite failed him too, him getting clawed while on the floor to death.

The shuttle flied off while I was in the brigbay, where I saw Asrair's body whilst in the after life.

Only 2 more minutes and I would've been let off scot-free.

 

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

 

 

Edited May 24, 2019 by Fursamie
Other gamemodes than tator

[Biffthegreat]

Unlucky.

 

I was the blueshield there, you did get quite unlucky because I was just chilling out on the bridge and CE was pretty terrible (no engine at 1 h 45 mins) and hadn't bothered to get a death alarm and was a nightmare to track down, part of me didn't even really want to find him to be frank. 

So went down to engineering to find CE checking every locker (its a chore to search for bodies properly) and wow, he was lying dead right in the open next to storage, not even hidden in a locker or anything.

I did an autopsy on him - nothing. I remember "pellet" being the main cause of death... Revived him and he shopped you specifically, although he seemed to think the holoparasite was a cyborg? Guess he did at least one thing right. 

 

Next time take the head, they can be stored in toilets (crowbar), disposal chute's(disabled) or your bag till you can cremate it. Chainsaw hand will remove heads if applied repeatedly.

Edited August 12, 2018 by Biffthegreat

[Fursamie]

I'll take this into major consideration. Thanks, Bogolyubov.

[Fursamie]

Alright, this is a round that JUST occured.

A bit of context - Zebhiki is infamous/famous as a mechanic for always breaking into the Syndicate Depot, and blowing it up or looting it to no end. It's horribly difficult but they just stride in like it's nothing.

I'm a cargo tech, a bit late to the shift. Usual. I spew my xenophobe shit at my quartermaster who tells the HoP they didn't close the cargo tech slot and they have all these useless cargo techs IMMEDIATELY when I walk in cargo. Usual. We have to collect fish for some reason and a drask CC officer tells us via announcements to get to it. I tell him via comms that if he likes fish so much he should check out wetskrell.nt.

 

I got BSA'd.

 

So I get revived and head back to the delivery office, when a syndicate announcement blares on comms.

"lol kill zabawaka XD hurt our depot   now we hurt u  "

So I think nothing of it, maybe they send in a SIT or SST, doesn't really matter. Until I get the message "You are the traitor" immediately afterwards. I know I'm fucked now. They tell me the location of Zebhiki and low and behold, when I arrive in the operating room he's in, there's two security guards watching him. The doctor, Ophelia Mason (lovely doctor btw), once finished with Zebhiki tells him to make a dash for it, letting him go to the surgery storage room. I figure I'll have a better chance later, so I go back to my Delivery office. I think the QM came and we gave each other code words? Not really sure. I tell whoever it was that I'll bomb the mech's office and right as I said that somebody passed by in the hallway. I figured they reported me, and my suspicions came true when I got searched, AND arrested JUST to be searched in security again. I was let go since I didn't have the bomb yet and used the grace period to get into scichem to make a potassium water bomb. 

Headed to the mech's office and broke my way in, and threw the bomb next to his teleporter. CE was on his way to engineering and saw me, baton'd me and threw me in a locker. I was fucking lucky he didn't go to Zebhiki's office otherwise he'd put two and two together. I headed back to cargo and on the way the syndicate made an announcement that they'd send in Bravo. Whatever that was. Probably a SST to be honest. I headed to cargo and found TWO durands wanting to get into the cargo bay. Inside, a bunch of shitbirds vox were screaming about "KINSIES" or some shit like that. They knew me as a xenophobe so one even tased me while the others disarmed me. One agent  suicide bombed the place because they were holding Zebhiki there for protection, mechanic ending up dying. The vox who had me handcuffed and tased threw me into the hull damage and so I died. And thus, this was the end of my round.

Domitia's round.

OOOH BOY REMEMBER THAT FUCKING BRAVO SYNDICATE TEAM? YOU BETTER! Admemes spawned a SST and I clicked yes in a heartbeat. My name is no longer "Domitia Aquila". I have advanced. It's MASTER SERGEANT YESKEY NOW BITCH! We had to steal the captain's yellow documents, and so we got our guns, got in the shuttle and headed to that bitch NSS Cyberaid. Once we got on station, I spread an unusally wholesome code - "DON'T KILL INNOCENTS!" I was.. Ignored. We rushed the bridge but one officer with a riot shield managed to best us both, so I set some x-4 at the door, and walked away. I dragged some people to medbay for cloning when a teammate told me he got the folder. I boarded the shuttle so casually, but I tried to rush the "bridge" of the shuttle. Didn't go so well, I got BOTH my guns taken away and was held in cuffs. Didn't matter though, since we ended up getting the folder. I, ended up in the hands of that DICKHEAD nanotrasen, though, so I guess I really WAS unlucky this round..

 

 

[Irkalla]

The folder was empty and the docs with the weapon blueprints where in a cheese :P. Which was on the exfiltration shuttle... but,

A mech with the craptain boarded the SST shuttle and has beaten the two operatives to a pulp 2 seconds after round end. Why they did not leave immediatly after aqquiring the sensible docs is beyond me, probably something like "Leave noone behind" hehe. Outcome of that Encounter Unknown. Probably casualities for both sides and the random baldie walking in grabbed the fucking bag with the cheese wheel.

Edited August 15, 2018 by Irkalla

[Fursamie]

Captain is robust? Rare. Albeit it's with a mech..

[Irkalla]

Captain got taken out with a mech to be fair, I was just repaying the favor

[Fursamie]

I did see a SST operative with a durand, was that you?

[Irkalla]

I wasnt the operative I was the craptain of that round. The operative with the mechsuit mech punched me (dual eswords dont block that, a traitor "lost" that on the bridge). Later I punched said SST with the mechsuit to death.

[Fursamie]

Christ. I know it's all a game but it sounds so real. I think I'm going to write these stories IC instead of OOC now.

[Irkalla]

Yeah I know right. I loved that event 

[Fursamie]

"It was a dark day when Domitia arrived on station. The lizard cliques kept growing and growing! It was a xenophobe's nightmare.."

[bobybob2964]

I was the Holoparasite  

[Fursamie]

Haven't posted in a while due to my depressing lack of rolling untag, but I've FINALLY gotten another tale to tell.(Happened a bit ago tho) Albeit it's a bit mundane. But still super unlucky. This is also why I changed the title.

 

Alright, a round just ended and to improve my chances of rolling the godsend changeling I better fucking join roundstart. Luckily, I do, and hit ready. Read a few comments about the previous round, make a meme or two, and the game starts. I'm a roboticist and already I can see my coworker B.0.B in the corner. Before I could say, "hey man, let's build shit!", I was already greeted by a very intrusive force. Vampires. Already I was nervous because I've never been a vampire. Maybe it'd be fine,  I dunno. I tell my co worker as a secret that I'm a vampire and he agrees not to snitch. A few moments after I told him a lad wanted me to borg him so I obliged. I had a bit of difficulty since I hadn't been a roboticist for a while but still got the job done. I closed the shutters and got to sucking. After I got thermals after sucking the body dry, I'd go ahead and wander the station a bit. Kerri had made a little food court besides the gateway, but more importantly I saw two vox go into the maintenance shaft right next to it. Of course I followed. They went directly north to a new room caused by the map changes and just stared at me as I stared at them. Of course I wouldn't dare try to glare at one because of the rabid 'kinsies' mentality of them. I would get my fucking teeth kicked in.

I walked off where I found a cursing humanised monkey. Tourettes, probably. I took it back to the lab for later digging and decided to head into maintenance myself. I was walking around when I met a peculiar lad - "Sarei Rheon". Gas mask on, generic jumpsuit, figured they were just a greytider. Flexed on them with my  thermals until they asked if I was a vampire. I said yeah. Even if they planned to snitch I found cuffs early in maint which I could just glare + cuff with. Turns out, she tried glaring me! Didn't work obviously, and we had a laugh about it... Laugh being "oh cool". For context, I pointed to a lizard just standing around. Sarei asked if they could get em so I said sure. Later when I was scavenging maint she told me the lizard was a friend. Whatever. I got another body who wanted to be borged but instead it was the friendly lizard. Knew something was up so I asked if he was a vampire. Dude just said he wanted to be borged. I *shrug and wait for him to get ready and go ham on his head. His brain put in an MMI and then finally a borg. Took the body to a secret room in maint because too many people were visiting and sucked em there. I got a couple of neat powers but decided to do the right thing and  take the body to the morgue for the coroner to take care of. An IPC walked in, not sure if it was F.R.A.P.S or S.A.M. Either one, they got into a fight with a greyshit and lost their head after it.

They give me their  head and I do my magic. It's back on. A little internal damaging, external damaging, whatever, I got it all. I tell the IPC a secret and it's that I'm a vampire. One of my objectives is to steal a can of plasma - in toxins. I ask em for it and they let me in. Easy peasy. HoS comes and says to keep my ID on since it was in my PDA, whatever. Just need to assassinate one  dude and get some blood, was gonna be easy. I kept it one step at a time, and checked on the morgue. On my way there, heard on Comms that Sarei was caught trying to screech at the HoS. Felt bad but I still had to complete MY objectives after all. Coroner wasn't there AND the body was still there. I ctrl + clicked it and dragged it around saying on comms "Oi coroner! Come to the morgue!" Immediately afterwards, I got disabled by a borg. Had no idea why, to be frank.

So when I got to processing and asked why I was arrested, he said  the AI saw me  sucking somebody in the morgue... What? I told him it was false and that I was just calling for the coroner. The officer almost believed me and got me out but stalled for a bit when he saw the cuffs and plasma tank.

"Why do you have these cuffs?"

"Maintenance loot."

"..Confiscating that, why do you have the plasma tank?"

"Plasma huffing."

"..Confiscating that. I'll let you off with a warning, b-"

Before he could finish, the AI appeared within the form of a hologram. I knew I was absolutely and utterly fucked.

"Ey comrade, is vampire, no? With holy water!"

WHY IVAN. FUCKING WHY.

I tried to keep my cool but I was fucking FUCKED. They brought the tank, and I was force-fed with the HoS's mug. I was fine for a while but the constant shaking and stuttering gave me away. I burst into flames and no amount of extinguishers helped me. I died, husked, because of a misunderstanding with an AI.

[WingedYordle]

I wonder what their laws were?

[McRamon]

13 minutes ago, Trubus said:

I wonder what their laws were?

In situations like the one described, It often looks like this:

Law 1 - make sure law 2 is observed

Law 2 - make sure law 3 is observed

Law 3 - make sure law 4 is observed

Law 4 - purge the unclean

[Fursamie]

Also two things about that round

Sarei wasn't caught and ended up to become powered thralling 1-3 people

A Borg took my body and instead of listening to the Warden who said to Borg me decided to harmbaton my dead body and massdriver it

[Fursamie]

After quite some time of being bannu'd, and in general, not getting antagonist, I finally have another story to tell(In addition, I changed the title so it's more inclusive, #ImWithThem).

I'm a roboticist, and a vampire, too. Objectives : 320 u of blood, kill a scientist, steal the hand-tele, After I get over the feeling of butterflies in my stomach, I get to work. I work a bit as a robo but mostly spend my time in maintenance. Some guy wanted to be borged, so after I borged him, I took his body and went to le epic secret maintenance room, where a civilian in plague doctor garb(hereon referred to as PD) saw me, succ'd, and walked a bit in maintenance. This is where I found Lumpy sucking on a guy, so I walked in, introduced myself as a vampire, and we were about to succ on the guy, but he starts pleading for his life. I feel a bit guilty, only take a sip, and me and Lumpy let em go.

I walk a bit, find PD and a guy named Sully arguing. Sully tries glaring PD, but it doesn't work because both are vamps. I tell them to both knock it off, and try to find more people in maintenance. Succ a few more people, get a few more powers, etc etc.  Now, I met the mime in maintenance and someone she tried to succ (they were cuffed). I helped take off their headset, disabled suit sensors, and we both succed on the poor guy. I welded that room shut to make sure no one would go to it, and we went along our way.

After a bit of walking about, not really getting much blood, me and Lumpy found each other and decided to prowl maintenance together. Eventually we found the mime, and made a plan to get the tele-armour, which Lumpy needed for his objective.  In addition, the scientist I needed to kill was idling so with the help of Lumpy, kidnapped and succ'd him. All was well, all objectives met, and the shuttle was called. I succ'd on a clone, headed to the pods, but it was welded. I unwelded it, stepped into the first tile of the pod, and the pod rocketed off. I fell out of the pod, and into space.

LITERALLY just 3 seconds more and I would've greentexted. 
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE



 

Edited September 28, 2019 by Fursamie
lump