Hellbent Chaplain

[Spyder904]

So. This wasn't actually on Paradise, this time. Oh no, this was on one of the most whacky servers I've ever played... just last night. Get ready folks, for the gripping tale of...

THE HELL-BENT CHAPLAIN

I spawn as a Chaplain. A traitor Chaplain. A traitor Chaplain on Goon Station.

hmm.

I buy a floor locker, a target tracker and a garrote.

pretty robust, I know.

Anyways, it takes me a few minutes to buy these, and when i'm done, I walk out to find... pentagrams all over the floor.

New Religion!

Maybe.

I roll with it; I see my first target, the clown, walking through the hallway, then enter. He enters the chapel and stands in the middle of all the pentagrams.

In my drawl, I say 'awh, yew ere thee pearfact deaiteey!'

The clown somehow actually successfully translated to 'Oh, you are the perfect deity!' And responds with, 'yes. I am your god now.'

So, I say, (not in my drawl anymore so I can save effort, but just note that everything I say is just throwing alcohol and a southern accent into a blender, blending it, and applying it to my vocal cords) 'You must get dressed up, yes, yes, I must prepare you. Come, come.' The clown follows.

What a fool.

He enters my office, and I ask him a few questions concerning his past devious experiences. He says that he has done nothing sinful, except pranks. I ask him to step into the morgue (On Goon, there is a Morgue attached to the Chaplain's office that has a few more body storages than Paradise, and has a few items inside) and tell him to dress. He does so, and I say that there is one step left.

The cleansing ritual.

I tell him to turn around, with a spray bottle in my hand.

Here comes the fun part.

I drop the bottle, get the garrote out, put it in both of my hands, and begin to choke.

The clown barely resists, their neck being slowly cut open, giving more access to air, yet being choked from it by the very thing giving it oxygen. Their lifeforce slowly drains from their beating corpse, their mind, body and soul gasping for air. But it does not come. For holy retribution is afoot. For none shall stand in the way of my mission.

The mission. To kill all.

So, the clown dies with a nice little last gasp, and I stuff its body into the crematorium and fire it up. All that remains is their lung, horn and shoes.

Step one complete.

Step two: Kill a medical doctor.

Thing is, I try to find them, but I fail, and completely forget about my tracker. I go back to my office, and lo and behold, there's a braindead guy just sitting there.

Wow! Free kill!

So, I do the same process, with just less effort. Then, I realize something:

I'm the Chaplain

And I pray to demons

So, I realize, I can pray over this still-bleeding corpse and summon some sort of demon.

I start praying.

And something appears.

It was this weird creature that kept poking and prodding at me; It did that for a while, before I was gibbed.

Then, I got turned into a revenant.

Revenant.

Welp. That praying sure payed off.

The rest of the round wasn't really that interesting, but it's fun to share stories where admins answer prayers.

and that, my friends, believe or not, was the gripping tale of...

THE HELL-BENT CHAPLAIN, BEING OF DARKNESS AND SUMMONER OF DEMONS

yeet