Making Cake Cats for Dummies

[Pckables]

What's this I hear? Some poor soul wishes to make an abomination between Cake, Cat, and Human? A lofty goal, I must say!
Fear not, for this achievement is possible for even the lowliest of civilians, provided you have the speed and charisma to back it up!

What you'll need:
In order of Most Difficult to Least Difficult to obtain:
1 Brain (If sentient, they will become the Cake Cat)
1 Beaker filled with:

• 5 units of Sprinkles
• 1 unit of Teslium
• 30 units of blood

1 Whole Birthday Cake
1 Heart
3 Pieces of Meat

Quite the shopping list, yes? It's nothing like making your typical makeshift weapon. You'll likely need to get help from the chef, chemistry/sci-chem, and Surgery if you can't get the access yourself.
Lets get hunting.

Getting the Goods:
Assuming this is the start of the shift:

1. First thing to do is run over to the kitchen counter and grab 3 Pink Frosted donuts from the donut box before anyone else can take them. Brown donuts are useless.
   You only need the pink ones, as each one grinds down into 2 units of sprinkles; you'll need 3 to get the 5 units needed for a single cat. If there aren't enough pink donuts by the kitchen, there are more donut boxes in security maintenance, the conference room, captain's office, and in the Security vendor.
    
2. Next, grab the cake hat from the bar before someone tries to use it for "Fashion" or the bartender tosses it down the trash.
   This is needed to make the birthday cake, and as far as i know, there is only one on the station. Don't lose it!
    
3. Go to the arrivals maintenance abandoned kitchen and pick up the 3 meat on the floor, and optionally, 3 dough.
   It's an easy, free 3 meat to grab. You can also butcher and animal or mix cryox and blood to get meat if someone else took it. The dough is if you want to make your own cake instead of trusting the chef to do it.
    
4. Make the cake!
   The cake takes 1 cake hat, 3 dough, 5 units of sugar, and 5 units of milk (Exact units. Don't put too much or too little in or you get a burnt mess!) If you took 3 dough from maintenance, you can ask the chef/bartender for the sugar/milk and make it yourself in the arrivals-maintenance oven (right above the vault). Otherwise, give your cake hat to the chef and have them make it for you. You can also wait for science to upgrade the kitchens oven so you get multiple birthday cakes!
   Make sure they don't slice the cake, you need it whole!
    
5. Get the Sprinkles!
   Beakers can be gotten from Cargo or Medbay, and grinders can be found in the kitchen, botany, chemistry, xenobio, and scichem. Break in (CRIMES) or just ask to use the grinder and grind up your pink donuts. You'll end up with a beaker of Sprinkles, but also Nutriment and Sugar. Use a chem master, preferably the hidden one in sci-maint, to remove the Sugar, Nutriment, and Excess sprinkles. If you've never used a chem master before: Transfer all the chems you DONT want into the lower menu, and keep what you DO want up top. When the only thing up top is 5u of sprinkles, eject the beaker.
    
6. Get the Teslium!
   If you can't make Teslium yourself, ask Chemistry or Scichem to do it for you. Like asking Mom or Dad for something, if one chemist says no, the other might say yes, so ask both. Use a dropper to put only 1u of teslium into your beaker, or use a ChemMaster again to separate the excess.
    
7. Kalimah! (If your Cake Cat Participant has their own blood and heart, skip to next step)
   Grab a syringe from medbay and a monkey, Pun Pun will likely be available, but Genetics always has spares. Inject two full syringes (30 units total) of blood into your beaker and seal it. You should now have a perfect 36 unit mix of sprinkles, teslium, and blood. Have a surgeon take out the monkey's heart, or do it yourself. No one really cares except for the Janitor. (Robotic hearts work too.)
    
8. A Willing Participant!
   Lastly, you need a brain that is willing to become a Cake Cat. While non-sentient brains work, it will result in a non-sentient cake cat (which a ghost can take over like any station pet). You can choose yourself, but then you have to trust someone else to put the Cake Cat together, else you might just end up a corpse. Robotic Brains do not work. Have a surgeon take their brain out, or do it yourself and get arrested. Additionally you can take their heart/blood if they have some and you haven't gotten that already.
    
9. Make a Pretty Cake Cat!
   Now that you have everything:
   Put the Birthday Cake, 3 Meat, Brain, Heart and Beaker (The beaker must be UNSEALED to craft with. Take off the lid if it's on!) onto a table next to you, open your crafting menu (The T looking button on the bottom right of your UI, above throw and resist buttons) and scroll over to the food section. Should you have all the ingredients correct, you can make a "Cake/Cat Hybrid" at the very top of the list. Should you be missing an ingredient, it'll be greyed out. Hit the craft button, and 3 second later VIOLA! You've created a sentient Cake Cat!
   
   Don't forget to take the volunteer's ID and pin it to a pet collar so the Cake Cat can keep their old access.
   They can't speak Galactic Common anymore, but who cares, they're a Cake Cat!
   Congratulations!

Edited June 18, 2021 by Pckables
Specifications + Spelling Corrections