Spiders it is, then.

[Pckables]

I'm shocked this hasn't been made a suggestion yet, but here we go!

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The bartender's drink dispenser can now be emagged. When emagged, the drink dispenser can output two new drinks/chems:
Spiders    and    Clowns

A Brimming Glass of Spiders:
When drunk, spiders provide 1u of nutrients and 0.1u of toxin per 1u of spiders.
But if a bottle full of spiders is smashed over someone's head, they get the effect "Covered in Spiders"
Covered in Spiders makes the player flail around uncontrollably, scream, and fall to the floor frequently in a panic. This effect is removed after a shower or after being set on fire.

A Brimming Glass of Clowns:
When drunk, clowns provide 0.3u of nutrients (its junk food) and 1u of Jestosterone per 1u of clowns.
When smashed over someone's head, they get the effect "Covered in Clowns"
Covered in Clowns makes the player honk with every step until they shower or get set on fire.
Additionally, a Mime Covered in Clowns reacts similarly to being Covered in Spiders.

 

Coding required: A moderate amount. A machine would need to be made emaggable with a related effect, two new chems added, and two new "covered" effects (akin to being covered in something flammable) added.