Expendable: A Collection of my Greatest Deaths and Misfortunes

[ImmortalRedshirt]

There are few who know the one known as Rebekah Hunter, and of those few, most probably know her for one thing: the countless deaths and disasters to befall her. Many of these incidents have memorable results, or memorable buildups, and I feel it is time to share a few of those.

The Nerd Next Door

Up until this point, I was having a nice, pleasant day with no incidents. Then I rolled Captain. I went through the typical motions of Captaining, up until I started hearing things about some goofy nerd in dumb robes, who just so happened to be the schmuck the Wizard Federation sent that was closest and most willing to wreak havoc on the station. As soon as the announcement was made, I made a run for my office to grab my gun, just in case they tried to get close. Mere moments later, I hear the sounds of a jaunt, then the firing of turrets, and all of a sudden, a strange sound and a buzzing from my headset. My character then slows down, and collapses, the HUD indicating that they are in crit. It is at this point I should mention that all of my characters' organs, except the eyes and ears, are cybernetic.

Oops.

"Hey, why is the turret control light red?"

Another round as Captain. Normal Captain things done? Check. I sit back, relax, and wait for things to happen. It's a pretty quiet shift. Too quiet. No comms chatter at all. I glance down at the bottom of the screen, and notice something peculiar. The Upload Turret Control light was a menacing red. A few seconds later, an engiborg walks in. All of a sudden, Rebekah is on the floor, stunned by the borg. They drag her towards the upload, where it suddenly becomes clear: the AI has been either subverted or was malf. There's nothing I can do, she's dead within seconds. One by one, various heads of staff and security members come to the bridge, and they too all are stunned and dragged into the upload individually. Soon, only the RD remains.

Eventually, the cameras are cut and the turrets are set back to normal. A scientist walks in with a locker, offering to take the bodies to cloning.They scoop 'em all up and drag them away, but not to medbay, but to a door into maintenance. They root through Rebekah's stuff, then curses their misfortune, for the rapier was still in my locker. The scientist then unceremoniously throws the locker into space, never to be seen again.

The locker was eventually emagged into.

How did it all go so wrong so quickly?

Oh look, Captain again! The first hour was some of the smoothest sailing I had ever experienced, and I started to wonder whether or not it was Extended. That's the moment where everything fell to pieces.

The first incident was the random EMPs in various places. One went off near the RD, so the Blueshield went to make sure they were OK, leaving the bridge empty, save for my character and the NTR. Abductors were confirmed shortly after. The second incident was the CE running into the bridge, brandishing a chainsaw. They hit me once, throw some N2O grenades around just to incapacitate everyone else, then drags me into maints, chainsawing my character all the way for good measure. Fortunately, they were a decent enough person to not gib me. After a short spacewalk, we end up at the Turbine, where my character's corpse is stripped of literally everything(the CE was looking for the medal of captaincy and the NAD), including the jumpsuit, and thrown into space near the atmos reservoirs.

Later, a wandering paramedic notices a certain corpse floating about and drags it back in. Minutes later, I'm back in the game, albeit with nothing. Fortunately, the Blueshield had the spare ID and a spare jacket, so I was back in the office, until I was declared an imposter. The HoS asks questions only I would know the answer to, proving my identity. I then got abducted, then dropped back down near escape. Convenient.

That Time with the Abductors

[REDACTED]

That OTHER Time with the Abductors

Okay, so let's try to forget that little incident that was not caused by abductors but was a consequence of their actions and move on to another story about them. This is yet another roundstart Abductor round and I am the Captain. The Abductors don't see much success, because the round went on long enough that a midround blob happened, deciding to burst in my bedroom. It turns out this is a really good place to burst, because they had spread like crazy. I managed to teleport out  of the bridge, which the blob had surrounded, and ran to get the nuke. As I was dragging it to the brig, a scientist runs up and stuns my character. Moments later, we're on the Abductor ship. They take their sweet time, but eventually I find myself in the cargo bay, with not even a jumpsuit and my name completely changed, and the blob was expanding into cargo. Fortunately, the warehouse was open and had an intercom and camera. I call for help, and the maintenance door opens and I make it onto the ERT shuttle.

That Time I got Mindswapped

CMO is a fun job. Plenty to do, and you're pretty much a magnet for antags. I ask one of my surgeons to implant a MedHUD in me and they accept. As soon as my character goes under, the shutters are dropped. I can see my character get grabbed, and suddenly, I am now playing as the surgeon, who was apparently a changeling. I panic, knowing that if the changeling wakes up, I will be unable to prove my identity. Unfortunately for me, a random doctors walks in and asks what's going on. I quickly try to tell them what's happening, but alas, it's too late. They've woken up the changeling, now in what used to be my body. I run to the front of the bridge, warning the Captain of what's happening, but the changeling said that I was the real changeling and I got arrested. The officer tells me to state my ID, but I did not know that my memories transferred over, so I tried to use other things that only I would know, but they didn't buy it. Besides, why waste time on a criminal when there's a blob to fight?

Disgraced, I wander the station, absolutely wasting this guy's liver. After a drunken confrontation, I get a devious idea. Within Rebekah's body, as mentioned, are cybernetic organs. All I need to do is get two large beakers, one filled with iron and the other with uranium, and combine them near the changeling to set off an EMP. Next, I would drag them away and lock them in an ID-locked locker before they revive themselves. I once again realize that the chem dispenser doesn't have uranium, so I run to the ORM, which is empty, and then I run to R&D, which had a chunk of uranium and a wide open windoor. When I had left, the blob was pushing into medbay, and when I got back, they had made it to the lobby. I narrowly dodge some blobbernaughts and jump into a broken window into chem. I grind the uranium and put it in a beaker, with iron in the other. Using the monitor, I tracked down my old body and let the EMP loose.

As it turned out, the body I got swapped into also had cyberorgans. Oops.

That Time I got Mindslaved
Another CMO shift. After a while, a surgeon offers to install an implant in me. To their credit, they actually installed an implant. Points off for said implant being a mindslave, though. What they want me to do is trick the Captain into falling into the exact same trap I did. I bring them in, but unfortunately, the surgeon seemed to have forgotten the existence of the mindshield, but plays it off like it's no big deal, and they leave none the wiser. Later, he tells me that he wants to talk in private. We go to my office, and that's when they demand that I retire and make them CMO. Around this time, a whole bunch of plasma fires were happening, but I manage to resign anyway. The shuttle is called shortly after, but the HoP stuns me and drags me to the freezer. They decide against killing me, though, because "Professionals have STANDARDS." They drag me to the escape pod, and we get away.

Proof of the Curse

I am once again CMO, and medbay is operating as normal. No nefarious schemes, no nothing. I'm beginning to think the curse has been lifted. We're forced to abandon medbay to a blob, and after healing some people, I manage to find a talking sword. I take it to the bridge to show the Captain, but someone rushed in and threw an EMP grenade. I wasn't an assassination target, I didn't have any items that any traitors had to steal, and I died anyway. Cursed, I tell you.