More Cheese Than Man

[KennyMazzle]

Quite a short story here but did you know it's possible to consume infinite amounts of cheese?

 

My most recent shift had me as the virologist after creating a good healing virus 15 minutes into the shift and being (un)helpful when there was an outbreak of GBS. Went to the arcades for a while, won some tickets and bought a fake chainsaw then a fake tommy gun. Fake murdered some random people and most of them were kind enough to scream and fall over which is always lovely! But then the SM went pop and for some reason someone was pushing around a locker with a whole bunch of cheese wheels in it. I thought, why not? Ate an entire cheese wheel. Another crew member was watching me with morbid fascination. Ate another cheese wheel. Couldn't finish it though, the crewmember helpfully force-fed it to me until I was literally full of cheese. I went to buy some weight-loss shakes only to remember I lost all my money playing the slot machines earlier in the shift. Went back to the cheese locker in shame and admitted my poverty to the helpful guy. Then he had a brilliant idea.

"Have you tried injecting it?"

I immediately raced to virology to use the grinder. In goes the cheese wheel, out comes liquid cheese. I downed the large beaker and went to get more cheese. The cheese was calling to me and by golly I was going to answer. Stuffing two more wheels into my backpack and holding one in each hand I again went back to virology and learned 2 cheese wheels in the grinder filled up the beaker quite nicely! I drank the entire thing then did it again with another 2 wheels. My PDA pinged, it was the helpful cheese man again. He messaged me as he brought more cheese! This time he came in with me to witness my achieving the pinnacle of lactose-human hybridising. The final 2 wheels went into the grinder and I spent the next minute injecting them straight into my bloodstream.

We then fled to the escape shuttle and I was entirely satisfied with myself. I was more cheese than man and nobody could take that away from me other than the bear that mauled me to death once we landed.