Bright's Guidelines on Detective Duty

[TullyBBurnalot]

 

So, you want to be part of the proud few? Feel like donning a longcoat and cool hat and go around chain smoking and solving crimes?

 

Well beat that out of your head, that's not how a Detective works. You're a Forensic Technician, not a Film Noir actor.

 

Step 1: Your Tools

 

You can find most of your crime fighting tools inside your office, but some of them you'll need to go further away. Here's a full list of what you'll need as a proper Detective:

 

The Scanner: This is your bread and butter. With the recent changes, you no longer have a High-Res Scanner computer in your office. Instead, the new scanner shows you prints, blood types and whatever fibers were in that thing you scanned on the spot. I don't think I need to explain to you why this is useful as all hell.

 

The Laptop: Related to the above, it is EXTREMELY important (seriously, can't stress this enough) to carry around a laptop at all times. Seeing as you can now scan things on the spot, carrying around a laptop will give you quick access to both medical and security records (you get those by default as a Detective) so you can match records to evidence. From personal experience, carrying around a laptop is what distinguishes a case well solved from a murder investigation that drags on for 2 hours. Obtainable from the laptop vendor near Cargo.

 

The Revolver: This is your baby. Treat is as such. And reskin it to The Peacemaker option. Accept no substitutes.

In all seriousness, this is your own personal taser. It fires .38 rubber bullets, but can also chamber the VERY LETHAL .357 rounds. In no circumstance should you carry these around unless given specific permission by the HoS and/or Captain. Couple of .357s to the face will kill anything. As it stands, the .38 round can instantly stun regardless of where you hit, and can easily be made via autolathe (usually, Cargo will ask no questions). Make sure to keep it on "instant fire" rather than the "hostage" option, as the latter WILL waste all your bullets in a half-second if the person being aimed at moves. Remember, the revolver will teach you how to shoot properly, as one round is more than enough.

 

The Handcuffs: You're not a Security Officer, but carry around at least two pairs at all times, for quite obvious reasons. Obtainable from your office and any SecVendor in the station.

 

The Seclite: Keep this in your suit slot and on at all times, it will save your life. Comes with every Security Belt.

 

The Security Belt: Keeps your cuffs and ammo in an easy to access package. Obtainable from Security Lockers.

 

The HUD Sunglasses: Allows for quick identification of wanted personnel, as well as jobs. For obvious reasons, incredibly useful, and should really come by default. Also stops flashes from working on you. Obtainable from Security Lockers.

 

Smokes and Lighter: Fine, you can chain smoke.

 

Hat and Longcoat: And yes, you can look cool doing your job. Your coat also serves the purpose of holding two extra items. I recommend the police tape and custom flask. Which, of course, leads to...

 

The Tape: The police tape serves a dual purpose: first, it allows you to cordon off areas to law-abiding citizens and keep crime scenes clear from any disturbance. Second, it gives you reasonable justification to shoot someone in the groin and throw them out if they decide to ignore the very obvious "STAY OUT" sign and break it so they can robust you can take the body away. On a side note, if one of your fellow officers does that, follow the same logic. Being a Sec Officer does not give you the authority to desecrate a crime scene. Obtainable from your office and Security Lockers.

 

The Flask: As a Detective, you can't get drunk. You also get a custom flask that holds 60 units of any liquid. Do the math.

 

The Recorder: Useful for taking witness statements or for those pesky criminals who insist on having every conversation recorded so they can b*tch to the IAA and still get brigged because they obviously committed a crime. Also useful for when you have an anal-retentive Magistrate who insists on having everything done by the book or else he releases the prisoner (PS: don't be that guy).

 

The Spares: You'll find a bunch more stuff in your office you'll never use. The camera is borderline useless, the armor takes away your suit slots for a defensive bonus you shouldn't really need in the first place, f*ck Space Law, we've read that a million times already, and none of the other suits look as awesome. Keep in mind, your closet does contain a spare scanner in the off chance you lost yours, as well as serving as a convenient hiding place for whatever you have to hide.

 

The Evidence Lockers: Evidence goes here, logically. Don't keep it in bags, you need those, just dump the actual items in the thing and close it. If it's a particularly sensitive item, you might want to weld it shut or transfer the item to the Evidence Lockers north of the Brig.

 

I believe that is all. Let's move on.

 

Step 2: Understand your access

 

In terms of access, you differ from the Security Officer in two points:

First, you have access to the morgue, granting you a second point of entry to Medbay and a convenient way of analyzing murder victims without having to pester a doctor to do it.

Second, while you can go into them, you can't set the timers on the cells. That goes in line with your RP orientation, as you are meant to conduct investigations, not detain criminals.

 

However, being a Detective carries a not-so-immediately-obvious perk: asking the HoP for improved access, as long as it's within reason (such as Medbay, Science, Kitchen and Hydroponics, and maybe even the ability to set timers on cells), will usually result in it being given to you without questions. You're a Detective, and as such are held to a higher standard than most Security Officers. Command trusts you, and they especially trust your ability to find criminals. They'll be willing to give you access most of the time. Make sure not to abuse it.

 

Step 3: Understand your role

 

You are not a Security Officer.

 

You are not meant to go around shooting people and brigging them for crimes real or imagined. Your job is to find crime scenes, investigate them to the best of your ability and then set Security on the right path to doing their job. The only situation where your direct intervention is required is when an investigation reveals an obvious culprit, in which case, go ahead and apprehend them before they do any more damage. If, however, your sleuthing reveals only possible suspects, let Security handle it.

 

Of course, all this goes out the window if Security is incompetent/nonexistent (ie: most of the time), in which case feel free to apply justice yourself. In all honesty, this is what's going to happen either way, as Security will almost always be too slow to react to get anything done in any feasible amount of time. Just remember that you're supposed to be an investigator, not a cop, and you should act as such. Act when you know that not doing so will result in unnecessary damage to station/crew.

 

Step 4: How to Act

 

How you go about your business is, of course, a matter of personal preference, as is your character personality. However, here are a few pointers:

 

Be Polite: Going "bad cop" on someone will result in precisely 0 results in 100% of cases (exception might be made if the person in question is really into roleplay and is willing to look past the apparent shitcurity facade). Be nice to people. Be nice to witnesses, suspects and criminals alike. It will make witnesses more cooperative, suspects more likely to come without a fight, and might even make actual criminals more likely to cooperate with Security and scratch out a deal. If nothing else, it will infuriate criminals who try to get a reaction out of you, and that's funny as hell. Not to mention, nice guys don't actually finish last. People will legitimately like you if you act nice towards them.

 

Be Efficient: Taking 15 minutes to investigate a crowbar left in maintenance will probably result in you getting your sorry ass fired. Taking 5 minutes to investigate a double homicide and producing evidence that link it to a specific person? I got medals for that (or should, at least, *grumble grumble*). Your job is to investigate, and a corollary to that is that you're supposed to do that without wasting any more time than is necessary. Learn to prioritize. Do you scan the body first or the surroundings? Do you go for an autopsy and then come back for the crime scene? Simple tricks like copy pasting the strings you get will save you a hell of a lot of time in the long run, allowing you to more effectively deal with crime.

 

Have a Plan: Learn people's jobs by sight. Know their patterns, their access levels, what they should be doing. Devise plans on how to arrest someone without them realizing you were even there (extra access helps). Know when to strike, or if you should even strike. Know the station inside-out, it's nooks and crannies, every spot that could be used to hide a body or murder weapon. Keep tabs on high-risk individuals, or even set up codewords (having the AI shout a codeword over radio if their Upload gets trespassed is a stupidly easy and stupidly useful idea).

"Know thy enemy and know thyself. In a hundred battles, you will lose not one" - Sun Tzu, The Art of War

 

Step 5: The Crew

 

Here's a handy breakdown of the types of people that you'll encounter and what to do with them:

 

Helpful Witness: Would you like to be pulled over by some random guy with a revolver drawn out who then starts frisking you without answering your questions and threatens to shoot you in the face every time you move? Related to the above point of being nice, tell the witness why you're there, what you're there for and what's expected of them. If they have questions, answer them to the best of your ability, and let them cooperate rather than forcing a cooperation. The Helpful Witness will provide you with everything you need, assuming you displayed some decency.

 

Unhelpful Witness: Same as the above, but you should kindly point out that it's Code Blue/Red and he/she is legally obliged to assist you. The Unhelpful can easily be turned to the Helpful if you treat them nice enough, but if they don't, keep it succinct and the to the point, and avoid pissing them off too much.

 

Willing Suspect: Related to the Helpful Witness. Tell them they're wanted in a current investigation and ask them to accompany you to the brig. More often than not, these are not the culprits, but don't let this serve as a rule of thumb. Plenty of criminals act unfailingly polite specifically to get your guard down.

 

Unwilling Suspect: You've tried your best to convince them to come quietly. Draw your revolver, maybe even point at it. Inform them that they are coming to the brig, and it's their choice on whether or not they come with their hands untied. More often than not will require a bullet to the face to be cooperative.

 

Cooperative Criminal: A rare breed. Will let you handcuff him/her and search through their belongings. Usually accompanied by fairly decent RP. Ask them about any collaborators or known accomplices. Make sure they get their sentences reduced, or, in extreme cases like being a traitor/changeling/vampire, get a loyalty implant so they can return to regular duties. Remember, they helped you. Now help them.

 

Uncooperative Criminal: The easiest one to deal with, honestly. Being a dick to Security? Check. Insulting your mother? Check. Yelling "shitcurity!"? Triple check. Complaining to the admins about abuse? You'd be depressed how often this happens. This guy has all the evidence in the world thrown at him and refuses to do anything but yell expletives at you. Brig him with a harsher sentence (throw in Insulting an Officer on Duty and stack it up, always works) or, in worse cases, give them a front row seat to the incinerator/crematorium.

 

Neutral Criminal: These ones come in without a word or struggle and get out without a word or struggle. Apply regular sentences.

 

Step 6: The Crime Scene Investigation

 

Your job. Here's a handy breakdown of what you'll find.

 

The Body: Obviously someone who got murdered. Remove their clothing and check their items for prints or blood. Checking their coats and uniforms is a great way of finding fibers and prints (or would be, it seems to only rarely work). Bringing this body to the morgue and performing an autopsy can break a case wide open, and has in fact led to me several times figuring out there were changelings operating on the station.

 

Prints: The manna of the gods. Leads to a very clear and defined suspect. Can be found on pretty much any surface, but can also be thwarted by wearing any glove that isn't latex. Remember, scan everything.

 

Blood: Perfect way of figuring out who or what was assaulted if no body is present, unless the murderer went the extra mile and got someone else's blood, put it in a vial, cleaned out the previous blood and splashed the new one in its place (PS: please don't do this). Can also break the case wide open when you figure out that what appeared to be a simple suicide can in fact turn out to be something far more sinister...

 

Fibers: Will almost never lead to a specific suspect (except in the case of Heads or unique-outfit jobs, like miners), but can almost always narrow down your list of suspects. Let's imagine you find three sets of prints on a murder weapon, one belonging to a Doctor, another to a Roboticist and another belonging to the Botanist. However, the body itself only has fibers from latex gloves. Do the math.

 

Witnesses: Useful beyond mortal comprehension. LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE, THEY CAN PRACTICALLY SOLVE YOUR CASE BY THEIR MERE EXISTENCE.

 

Final Step: Accept your fate

 

Everything you do is your job. Expect no special recognition for finding a thief or murderer beyond the occasional "Good job". You are here to solve crimes, and that's your satisfaction. You're doing it for Justice, not Honor or Glory.

 

Go out into the world, young Detective. A cosmos of psychopaths awaits.

 

Signed,

 

- Jonah Marigold Bright

 

[MarkvA]

Excellent guide, thanks for sharing. I'll have to play detective some day and give the new scanner a shot!

[TullyBBurnalot]

Once more, whoever coded that, THANK YOU SO UNBELIEVABLY MUCH.

[Sanpd]

Great guide.

[Streaky Haddock]

Great guide, except for the exclusion of the camera. The Camera is very good for preserving crime scenes in crowded areas, and the area it photographs can be changed using the 'set photo focus' verb. You can photograph anything from 1 specific tile to up to a 7x7 area. The camera by default is set to 3x3.

[TullyBBurnalot]

Well, if the area is crowded, odds are you're probably never going to get any forensics done, especially if it's a high civilian round. As for keeping records, I just tend to write down anything and record myself talking in the off-chance someone actually wants backup copies of my data (which usually doesn't happen, either because they trust me or because they don't care).

[Spacemanspark]

 

How to be the detective:

1. Spawn as detective.

2. Cry.

3. Commence to throw yourself out the airlock, because you won't ever solve a case.

 

[Fox McCloud]

 

How to be the detective:

1. Spawn as detective.

2. Cry.

3. Commence to throw yourself out the airlock, because you won't ever solve a case.

 

 

I'm disappointed you forgot the most important step.

 

4. Drink yourself to death at the bar (or at least try with your genes of insane alcohol metabolism).

 

[Streaky Haddock]

i think 4 should be 3 because 4 is hard to achieve when you've spaced yourself

[TullyBBurnalot]

3.5: Steal all the flasks from the bar and fill them with booze.

[Bone White]

The guide is missing information on fingerprints, scanning for evidence, evidence bags, comparing evidence, and basically the entire section about the analyzer. Also, you could go a little into autopsy reports, though it should be a MD performing these, and not yourself (even if the autopsy scanner and tools are in the morgue).

[TullyBBurnalot]

Well, technically speaking, using the analyzer is as simple as clicking something on the screen and waiting for the information to pop up. Comparing evidence really falls down to personal thought processes and logical thinking.

[Mrs Dobbins]

 

Well, technically speaking, using the analyzer is as simple as clicking something on the screen and waiting for the information to pop up. Comparing evidence really falls down to personal thought processes and logical thinking.

 

IC, its not that simple. An autopsy is an incredibly complex process that requires a professional. I'll accept that as detective you can pick an extra skill (same with any profession), and as long as you say that you know nothing about engineering, science or whatever you can do basic medicine and autopsies, provided you give some IC justfication for knowing how to do it.