Mavor's Custodial Tips

[TullyBBurnalot]

 

Alright, so you want to be a Janitor!

 

...

 

What the ever living hell is wrong with you?

 

Step 1: Your Equipment

 

Nanotrasen is so kind as to provide most of what you'll need for your custodial duties. Inside your office (don't listen to anyone that calls it the "janitor's closet") you'll find the following:

 

 

• One Level-3 Biosuit: Useful for whenever Virology fucks up (again) or if a random space virus somehow shows up on the station. Complement this with galoshes and a gas mask and you're pretty much immune to any pathogen. Plus it looks cool as heck.

   

  One pair of galoshes: These will prevent slipping, as well as provide an extra layer of defense for blood-borne viruses or any nasties that spread via fluid.

   

  One trash bag: Most junk fits in it. Strap it on you cart, then dump trash into it. Make sure to regularly check if its full, and dump the contents into a disposal chute whenever it is.

   

  One mop: Self-explanatory.

   

  One light replacer: You might have to manually insert lights into it, but it has the magical property of disregarding whatever is inside it. Just stick 20 lights into it, use it on a broken light, and it'll replace it instantaneously.

   

  One Holographic Sign Projector: Projects a holographic "wet floor" sign. To remove it, click on it again with the projector.

   

  A few physical "wet floor" signs: Disregard, see above.

   

  A flashlight: Keep this on AT ALL TIMES.

   

  One bottle of Space Cleaner: Your bread and butter. Usable on pretty much anything, scrubs away pretty much anything. Can be refilled at the Space Cleaner dispenser.

   

  Three cleaner grenades: When activated, will release a vast sea of cleaning agent, essentially scrubbing every surface it can reach. Also trips everyone not wearing galoshes and is great for taking down traitors and out-of-control civilians.

   

  One janibelt: Holds small janitorial items, excluding the light replacer.

   

  One Space Cleaner dispenser: Holds a gigantic amount of Space Cleaner. You can refill your bottle here, you'll probably never need to ask Chemistry for a refill.

   

  One bucket and one water tank: Refill your cart here.

   

  The Cart. AKA, the Pussy Wagon: You'll drag this around at all times. It can hold the trash bag and Space Cleaner bottle, as well as 100 units of water. Simply wet the mop on the cart and you're good to annoy literally everyone on the station.

 

 

As a personal recommendation, which will be explained afterwards:

 

 

• Tool Belt and Tools: You can get these from the various Tool Storages between Arrivals and the station proper, or from Engineering if they're feeling particularly generous;

   

  Insulated Gloves:Might want to run to grab these (or, again, just ask Engineering), you never know when you have to use them. Better you than any of those Civilians, am I right?

 

 

Step 2: Your Job

 

You're the Custodial Technician. The Janitor. The guy everyone expects to do his job when literally everything else fails. AI malfunctioning? Blob? Nuke Ops? As long as the station's dirty, these should present no obstacle to your mission.

 

Remember, you have a license to clean. And with it, comes an entirely separate level of existence. To explain.

 

The tools and the tool belt are there for one reason alone: hacking into everywhere. Your skeleton key is the Test Wire, and your backup plan the Bolt Wire. Find these two wires, and you have access to literally everywhere on the station. And the best part is, most of the time you'll get away with it. And you know why?

 

Because you're the Janitor.

 

No one expects the Janitor to be anything but the lowlife they imagine we are. So long as you keep your head down, your mouth shut and you parrot the words "Just doing my job", any intrusion can be forgiven. Hell, often you need only ask and you'll gain free access to literally anywhere on the station. So long as there's something there to clean, of course.

 

Because, really, that's what you're there to do. The AI and crew have more important things to deal with than opening doors for you. Just come in through Maintenance, clean up the place and leave the same way you came in. Make sure you close the access panel on the door, and you're golden. No one will ever know you were there.

 

When cleaning public areas, it's good form to use Space Cleaner, since it cleans vast areas quickly and efficiently, you have a bunch of it in reserve and, most importantly, it doesn't slip people. If, however, you need to use the mop (or you want to use the mop, for whatever reason), make sure you drop wet floor signs. That way, when people complain, they won't have a point.

 

Do remember that vertical surfaces can only be cleaned via mop, and the same goes for under tables (unless you dismantle the table). Remember, efficiency is the key.

 

The cleaner grenades are your most valuable asset, and you really should not use them unless absolutely necessary. As a rule of thumb, use the cleaner 'nades whenever the mess you're dealing with occupies most of the room you're in (such as bar fights that leave the whole bar covered in blood). It's not necessary, but yelling "FIRE IN THE HOLE!" before throwing is legally considered due warning. Technically.

 

Step 3: Traitor Janitor

 

Probably one of the easiest when it comes to stealing things. As mentioned before, very few people bat an eye when they see the Janitor anywhere. Just loiter around enough until no one's watching and walk away with your booty.

 

As for assassination, cleaner grenades. No one else but you (and the Janitorial ERT) have the equipment needed not to slip on them. Pull the pin, throw, enjoy several seconds of complete free reign over your target. Just make sure to run afterwards, those things are LOUD and very noticeable.

 

Optional Step: Hero Janitor

 

The absolute hardest to pull off. When the station is in disarray and everyone is dying left and right, it falls to the Janitor to make things right.

 

AI malfunctioning? Grab an EVA suit, go around the southern edge of the AI Core Minisat destroy the SMES, two walls, second SMES, build tables to provide cover and either destroy or card the AI.

 

Nuke Ops not finding the nuke and Command is dead? Break into the Captain's office and pray that the spare ID is there so you can call the shuttle. If not, go the HoP's office and pray you can find his ID. I did once managed to pull this off, saved about ten people.

 

Blob and no one has the slightest clue what to do? Grab an emitter from Engineering Secure Storage, a bundle of wires, and pray to whatever god you believe in that it's not too late.

 

Xenos? Well, son, you're doomed.

 

Regardless, the point of the Hero Janitor is to be the ultimate backup plan. When all else fails, the Janitor springs into action and does his best at damage control. Just make sure you don't look important.

 

[Blackmage199]

 

You forgot the most IMPORTANT JOB AND VERY REASON of being the Janitor.

...

Pointing at signs when people slip on wet floor.

Also, one might not want to put their space cleaner in their cart, due to the fact that some jerk can steal it, with not chat log to signify someone took it from the cart.

 

[Rumiluntti]

 

You can fill the light replacer with glass sheets, that trick keeps you sane-ish on those cultists rounds where the mask decides to pop every light avaliable.

 

You can click on your holosign projector to clear all of the signs at once, no need to hunt every single one.

 

Pointing at the wet floor signs and just blankly staring at the screaming fool that slipped is about as important for your job as the cleaning itself.

 

[Fj45]

 

You can fill the light replacer with glass sheets, that trick keeps you sane-ish on those cultists rounds where the mask decides to pop every light avaliable.

 

Thats a really useful tip.

 

[Streaky Haddock]

worth noting that the mop can fit into the janicart. This is common knowledge, but your guide doesn't mention it.

[FreeStylaLT]

 

also the advanced mop cleans twice as fast, but can only be used twice after being wet, instead of the five uses the normal mop has.

 

So it's probably better to use the regular mop.

 

 

 

 

Or you know, space cleaner.

 

[Streaky Haddock]

I'm pretty sure the advanced cleaner has double the uses of a regular mop.

[Deanthelis]

 

Use your bucket on the space cleaner dispenser to fill your mop bucket with it.

Now you can mop without slipping.

Why?

Who knows.

 

[Deanthelis]

 

Also you say 'literally' way too often, including times in which the context did not imply otherwise whatsoever, which is rather annoying. It'd be one thing if you used it and meant 'figuratively', but this is just gross. My jimmenies are rustubuled.

 

And for the record, encouraging people to break into places while not an antagonist is generally a bad idea. They can ask an AI, borgs, or crewmember to be let in.

 

And because I'm a needless pedant, knowing the hack and bolt wires will not give you access to LITERALLY everywhere on the station. You cannot hack the armory windoors open with normal means.

 

[Shadeykins]

 

To hack the armoury doors, cut the power to the adjacent APC and crowbar them.

 

Problem solved!

 

[Deanthelis]

Does that work on windoors? Thought it was just airlocks.

[Shadeykins]

 

Nope. Unpowered windoors can be crowbar'd, too.

 

That's actually how you access their maintenance panels.

 

[necaladun]

I have to say I have a lot of respect for anyone who skirts space low to better clean the station.

[Malarks]

 

You can place the yellow "Wet Floor" signs on the cart, as well. That will save you a bunch of space in your backpack!

 

Also! If you don't want to be slipping on the wet floors, then stop bleedin' all over the floors, people! *points at sign as another fool slips*

 

^^