Roleplay Stories

[Streaky Haddock]

 

Voodoo's recent 4e thread made me think about ROLEPLAY. More specifically, the cool stories and anecdotes that come from roleplay. No restriction on system or setting (a statement I will probably regret) because I want to hear all the stories. All of them.

Particularly Voodoo's 4e stories when he starts roleplaying.

 

They don't have to be amazing grand adventures, I just really like hearing and talking about this kinda stuff.

 

[Hairy Ban Jhankri]

 

(Dawned on me halfway through there needs at least some back story, sorta. Planet: Etos. Start of Story: Northern Wastes. Governments: Baval, Snim, those are the big two. Nuclear war is on the line between the two of them. Other powers: The Corporation, basically a heavily militarized oil company, backed by the Bavalian government.)

 

The first and only campaign dealio I have ever played (short-ish version (True 20): Start as a tribal adept, get hired by a small military expedition force to scout out my native lands, in search of rebel bases. Commander guy tells my char to go with my buddies char to search a small outpost while the main force pushes up the mountain/hill thing. We encounter dogs. (this is one of the best parts) Dogs attack my buddy. Buddy attacks dogs. GM says if I roll a natural 20, I can make one dog friendly. NATURAL 20 BITCHES. Meanwhile, my other buddy is running all over the small map and getting eaten by this level one dog (We swear they were really level 9000 dogs) I continue to try to tame this one as my buddy continues to shoot and miss. He goes down, like, dieing down. Insert:

 

For real, only one shot. GM, myself, and my buddy are all nervous. Nobody wants me to do this, they need me to use my healing feat. I roll anyway. . . .TRUE 20. I GET ME TWO DOGS. They didn't like my buddy after that, though. Anyway, I healed my buddy, (actually right in here we meet up with two rebels, and my diplomacy check failed, so they got angry. We killed them, and then I raised them as skeletons.) we marched back up the mountain, meet up with the force, when the force gets ambushed. We tried fighting and all, but we failed. Black out. Wake up in the back of a van, captured by rebels. Thankfully, my buddies char was just mercenary, and the guy that captured us was a fellow tribesmen, although a rebel. We all make peace, right before our truck busts up, and a corporation truck pulls up behind us. Three people, a shotgun, a machine pistol and . . . Rope. That is all we have. So, a red coat hops out of the other truck, (redcoats are a decently high rank for the corp, they lead search and destroy parties, looking for rebels and stolen corp goods.) Because we are in a corp truck, the red coat may think it is just another party, so it is just him. This part of the story is going to end with my diplomacy check failing, the red coat being blown in half with a point blank shotgun blast, and three guys armed with I forget what charging us. All but one are obliterated, and offered peace. So, now we have a nice new truck, whatever was looted from the dead guys, and a new member. The rebel, Niltohk, brings us to the main compound to meet the main leader guy, Raphiel, not that he matters much. Anyway, we work for this dude now, and makes peace with my tribe. A few other minor bits happen throughout the story, including a prophecy bestowed upon me from good 70 foot tall storm crow that spat a ring at us, saying I will slaughter countless lives or some shit like that. The main thing my char did, though, was push for independence of the tribes fighting each other, being oppressed by the corporation, and being neglected by Baval, since the Northern Wastes were owned by Baval. Anyway, to do that took a lot, lead to a lot of chars being met, which most joined the rebels and tribes side. I was able to unite like 4 or so of the 6 to 8 tribes, and secured the main two fighting royal classes as allies, one in Baval, one in Snim. Unfortunately, we just called the campaign quits this summer, after keeping it going for . . . 4 years . . .? Pretty much, the end.

[Rumiluntti]

 

Of all the characters I have seen in my long path of being a massive nerd and roleplayer, one particular character has imprinted itself into my mind like a persistent shitstain on wooden flooring.

 

Warforged shapeshifter(druid variant)//Paladin

 

The player briefly described the character like this: "You notice that this particular warforged seems to be well optimized. It is not factory-new but far from expiration, one would say it's in its prime."

 

First fight with the brobot in team and he says the thing that made us realize something to our horror. "Autobots, roll out!" Was his way to activate morale boost aura from paladin skillset. He then activated his shapeshifter ability and transformed.

 

Motherfucking Optimus Prime.

 

[Streaky Haddock]

jesus christ

[HereticChurch]

 

I recall on one of my first characters, a Tiefling Warlock, I decided I hated some priest I saw walking in a town for some reason, so I threw a rock at him, expecting a laugh from some other party members. While the ranger and fighter thought it was funny, our Paladin decided at that point he wanted to get revenge on me. But not as you'd expect. No. He wanted to do something far worse than hurt me. He managed to convince the guards (and the DM) to capture me, bring me to court, and sue me for assaulting a member of the Church of the Silver Flame (Which I'm fairly sure wasn't even his faith).

 

It was quite a long process. There was a lot of yelling, death threats, subtle magic use, bribery, and OBJECTIONS. The other party members didn't really contribute at all. They just waited outside. In the end, I was sued for 5000 gold for throwing a rock at a priest 4noraisins, along with losing about 300 gold in bribes. The Paladin wounded me financially as revenge.

 

Probably not the funniest story, but definitely one of the stranger things that I've gone through in my roleplays.

 

[Earthdivine]

 

Ahhh, nothing will be better then stories of pure incompetency, in my opinion. We have a Pathfinder game that has been going on for nearly 2 years now, the party is right at the doorstep, literally, of completing the campaign. One event sticks to my mind about my intrepid "heroes" is, the parties de facto leader, a Tiefling Magus and his trusty ally, a cat women barbarian, were out seeking supplies during a massive viral outbreak and needed to get potions of Cure Disease. They come across the potions shop to find it locked and the magus decides, not to use Knock or pick the lock, but rather, ram into the door to bust it down.

 

He succeeds, and he topples inwards, causing all the potions in the shop to shatter and combine their magic essence, completely petrifying the shop and the adjacent buildings. The Magus goes on to claim he meant to do that entirely on purpose that the owner was an evil man and this is retribution. However, while he's trying to keep his armor from going to stone, the town guard shows up.

 

At this time, the party is very not liked by the guard due to the de facto leader deciding to throw a fireball at the queen a few weeks ago. They begin to ask whats going on, not recognizing them due to disguises they are wearing. But then it really didn't matter, as the Magus Lightning bolts one guard nearly instantly and the other one is just taken back, giving the Magus enough time to Shocking Grasp him, cooking him from the inside out due to the full plate the guard wears. The Barbarian is just sitting there screaming, "WHY!" as the Magus begins to full on panic and drag the two bodies to the nearest building, which he then fireballs and lights on fire. He sits there proud of himself at covering his tracks so fully, and then the color drains from his face as he hears shouts of "THE ORPHANAGE! NO!" as denizens of the burg rush to save the place. The magus and barbarian got out of there at that point, but they are very not welcomed in that part of the town anymore.

 

I got more, far more from this one campaign, but I'll leave them to Macto to post his side of them and let some posts crop up before making any more.

 

[mrbits]

 

Once during the Bad Old Days of my tabletop group, our party was on the way back to town with an old relic we pried from a group of raiding lizardmen, eager to collect the large gold reward promised us. During the night one of the party's badass lone wolf assassins - lets call him Twiddle-Dee - was awoken by the party's OTHER badass lone wolf assassin - he'll be Twiddle-Dumbass.

 

Also yes, our group WAS choked with edgy loners and so on. I DID say this was the Bad Old Days of my group.

 

Anyhow. Twiddle-Dumbass had a simple proposition for Twiddle-Dee: "The reward for returning the relic will split much better 4 ways than 6 ways, and we can get rid of our goody-goody sorcerer and paladin." After a moment's consideration and collective groans of "not THIS shit again..." from the rest of the players at the table, Twiddle-Dee agreed to the plan and they set about thinning the ranks.

 

Twiddle-Dumbass passed his Stealth roll marvellously and, using his Sneak Attack damage, silently dispatched the elf Sorcerer on watch with a single strike. Twiddle-Dumbass then glanced over to see how Twiddle-Dee was doing with the sleeping dwarf Paladin they'd agreed to kill... Only to see that Dee had instead chosen to wake the Paladin and point out Twiddle-Dumbass' misdeeds.

 

A violent bout of smiting later and Twiddle-Dumbass was right: With the party down a sorcerer and an assassin, that reward DID split much more favourably.

 

[Fj45]

 

Ahhh, nothing will be better then stories of pure incompetency, in my opinion. We have a Pathfinder game that has been going on for nearly 2 years now, the party is right at the doorstep, literally, of completing the campaign. One event sticks to my mind about my intrepid "heroes" is, the parties de facto leader, a Tiefling Magus and his trusty ally, a cat women barbarian, were out seeking supplies during a massive viral outbreak and needed to get potions of Cure Disease. They come across the potions shop to find it locked and the magus decides, not to use Knock or pick the lock, but rather, ram into the door to bust it down.

 

He succeeds, and he topples inwards, causing all the potions in the shop to shatter and combine their magic essence, completely petrifying the shop and the adjacent buildings. The Magus goes on to claim he meant to do that entirely on purpose that the owner was an evil man and this is retribution. However, while he's trying to keep his armor from going to stone, the town guard shows up.

 

At this time, the party is very not liked by the guard due to the de facto leader deciding to throw a fireball at the queen a few weeks ago. They begin to ask whats going on, not recognizing them due to disguises they are wearing. But then it really didn't matter, as the Magus Lightning bolts one guard nearly instantly and the other one is just taken back, giving the Magus enough time to Shocking Grasp him, cooking him from the inside out due to the full plate the guard wears. The Barbarian is just sitting there screaming, "WHY!" as the Magus begins to full on panic and drag the two bodies to the nearest building, which he then fireballs and lights on fire. He sits there proud of himself at covering his tracks so fully, and then the color drains from his face as he hears shouts of "THE ORPHANAGE! NO!" as denizens of the burg rush to save the place. The magus and barbarian got out of there at that point, but they are very not welcomed in that part of the town anymore.

 

I got more, far more from this one campaign, but I'll leave them to Macto to post his side of them and let some posts crop up before making any more.

 

 

Complete, utter, murderhobo. Awesome.

 

[Hairy Ban Jhankri]

 

First session, finally happens. Almost nobody shows up, and those that do, some of them have to peace out early. I show up late, and I have no idea what is going on. GM does some GM voodoo, and puts us in a pocket dimension for a moment to intro my char, and get a good feel for RP and all that between chars. So, Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity

Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked

He's so mad, but he won't give up that

Easy, no

 

Anyway for real, snap back to reality, my party has killed a few goblins and all that, they are in some form of goblin castle, they need to reach the boss for information or something. They are all incredibly tanky fighters, but they still do the whole jedi mind tricks thing to make it so they don't have to kill everything in sight. They don't know I am a changeling psion, so GM and I are being hooligans over skype chat to do minor thing unnoticed. My party members suggest I try to pass as a goblin, since I am the shortest there, and dragonborns are totally not goblins. I am more than happy to do that. I tell them to go behind a corner or whatever, so I can do my ling power, and assume the form of a fallen goblin. So, I am a goblin, now, and we propose I scout. I come across a floor boss and his patrol goblins. Long story short with that one, I gather as much info as I can, and a team member use some stealth thing, turns invisible, kills three of the goblin guards. A few mind tricks later, goblin boss vaporizes his whole patrol, and we kill the boss, which I again assume the identity of behind a corner or whatever. I, being the floor boss, am to scout ahead. I drag along a fallen comrade for effect. I come across the next set of guards, and we are now in the inner areas of the castle. These guards are like super guards, but not as high up as a floor boss. Long story short on that one, I weave a tale of how all of the other previous floors were stormed by at least 60 soldiers, some of them being invisible, some being demons, and some casting magic. All but one is scared shitless. I suggest we could stand and fight, which we will surely die in moments, as the supposed army is right behind me, or we could simply join these killers, as the obvious leader is of poor quality. All but one casts out there new leader, and awaits to be spared by the supposed army coming to slaughter us. The other turns to tell the boss what has happened, however my party member turns invisible, runs up, and does like a war shout in his face. We now have 5 goblins at our side, 2 of them being elite guards. They have keys, and knowledge of the castle, and let us into some store closet with weapons, potions, and all, which we loot. And that, my dear children, is the end of the story for now. It was a very short session, with my involvement, me being late. I guess they did crazy weird shit like scaring off an entire force of like 60 somehow to actually get into the castle. Also, I am not going to proof read this shit, too lazy, so I might edit it later, maybe. Session 1: successful. they still think I am a bard, just being super shady about being a bard.

 

[Chicken12341]

 

Back in highschool I had a group of friends who would play 2nd Edition DnD with my one friend's dad as the DM. Our DM was awesome, and had played since he was in college, which made it a GREAT roleplay experience for us and we had a ton of fun.

 

I make my character - A human cleric of the diety Tyr, the god of justice. We played for a good while. I became the judge of the group and countless times would have the final say on what we do with the bandits we just captured. I remember one time we came across some goblins or bandits who had just killed a caravan, and I made a wicked roll on my Hold Person spell, which held them both. We subdued them and I issued the sentencing: Hanging for their crimes of murder and theft.

 

We had a really strong party and cleared dungeons and had a ton of fun. Some stupid things happen, like one of our warriors clad in all metal decided to touch a 'faintly glowing brass statue' and got the entire group chain-lightning shocked. He was basically vaporized. That was also the same place we figured out how dangerous slimes truly are.

 

One of the best moments from our group was when we were placed into a crystal maze, told we had a limited time to make it out. This maze was very long and was super complicated. For some odd reason I just randomly grabbed my sword and started carving into the crystal wall. Turns out, I carved the secret word (which was an x) and a door opened up to the end of the maze.

 

My group had its fair share of stupidity. There's always that person who thinks that violence is the best option, and gets us into a fight with a super high level that we had no need to fight, nearly killing everyone. Or the time where we were attacked by 3 beholders. These things were destroying us quickly. Turns out, they were all illusions and when one of us said "I disbelieve" they disappeared.

 

I have so many fun stories from this campaign. I really miss the tabletop days. Also, sorry for crappy formatting.