necaladun Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 So, wanna know how to be a complete comdom? Worried you might be a good head? Read on, follow these tips, and the crew will be demanding you be lynched in no time! Comdom: A portmanteau of "Command" and "Condom", it's slang for a head of staff who is an idiot. Often screamed 4noraison, but generally deserved, it's what NT is known for in leadership! Now, you've selected a head of staff role. This gets you a shiny ID card, access to the bridge, a telebaton, and command channel. You're expected to know almost everything about your department, and be able to lead and have authority over them - show them wrong! The first thing you should do is completely ignore your entire department. It's best you leave it all together. (The CE is an exception here - throw yourself into the sing at once!). Don't even bother talking to them - you have command channel, you're too good for those plebs. May as well turn off your department channel. As a Comdom, the whole station, not just your department, is yours. Walk around into everyone elses departments, even if you don't have access. If you're the HoP, just give yourself access! Remind people of your position. Give orders to everyone and everything you can, and if they don't obey - beat them with your baton! Spacelaw is for those non-command plebs. You're immune to it! If security think otherwise, they're rouge. Now, things will eventually go wrong in your department, and you'll be blamed - which is stupid, as you haven't even been there, so it can't be your fault. Find the first member of it you can, blame them, and fire them. Speaking of firing - you can fire people in your department. It's best to do so as soon as possible to let people know you're boss. Beat them with a telebaton if they ask questions like, "Why?" or "Who are you anyway?". If you're not going to follow the advice and actually stay in your department, remember this one thing: It's your department, and is there for your own gain. RD? Make yourself shiny toys and DO NOT SHARE. CMO? Drugs and genetic powers ahoy! HoS? Gunsgunsguns. Now, the supreme Comdom of them all is the Captain. Here's a few special tips: Firstly - place the disk somewhere easy to get in case of emergency, like on the bridge, or in the bar. Or just ignore it all together. Secondly - Smash the case to your fancy gun, and take it out. You'll never need non-lethals. Thirdly - Full armour. All the time. No exceptions. Fourth - Give yourself a fancy title like "God emperor of NT". These a mandatory for ALL Comdoms. A few optional things: Invent new space laws! They're just a guideline anyway, right? Execute the clown, have the HoS borged, then have him locked down! Just leave the station. Gateway, space pod, whatever. Take some fancy toys and scoot! Try to be silent the whole round. Hell, ditch your headset. Communication is for the unrobust. Execute those who call you a comdom, of course. Now, should you follow these steps, you should be well on your way to a job ban and/or lynching. Best of luck out there! Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fj45 Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Give the AI godamn awful laws! Cry when people call you a condom! Do an awful job censoring T-coms so everyone just grabs a radio! Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-24949 Share on other sites More sharing options...
necaladun Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 A true comdom doesn't even know how to get to tcomms. Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-24950 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Regen Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Oh my god I just realized its comdom not condom My whole life isa lie Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-24962 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spacemanspark Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 How to be a Comdom: Look at Regen. Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-24972 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Dobbins Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 Or do communicate, and fill the command channel and main channel with drivel. Also, to be great as Captain, play a supercop sec officer. Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-24986 Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeletedUser Posted March 19, 2015 Posted March 19, 2015 I hate to be the no-fun-allowed guy, but oh boy i can already see the influx of komdoms, so before it happens lemme say that THIS GUIDE IS JUST A JOKE NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. If you try to be a smartass by being a shitlord and then excusing yourself with "BUT I IS FOLLOING GUID WRITEN BY HEADMUN" then yer gonna git ban'd even harder. Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-24988 Share on other sites More sharing options...
necaladun Posted March 19, 2015 Author Posted March 19, 2015 Or do communicate, and fill the command channel and main channel with drivel.Also, to be great as Captain, play a supercop sec officer. Only if there is heaps of security. If there isn't any security though, you shouldn't at all do with criminals. Let them have free reign! That'll teach sec for not showing up! Give the AI godamn awful laws! This almost could be it's own section but indeed yes - the laws NT sent are obviously just there to get in the way of the true masters of the station, command. Rewrite the laws as often as you can, in the most complicated ways. Then add a few dozen extra meaningless laws. Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-24989 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rumiluntti Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 You are the most important person on the station, hire random civilians as personal bodyguards. Arm them with riot gear and all access. Entirety of armory should be relocated into your office at round start for easy gearing of your guards. Leave the disk on your desk. If nukeops come you must run to it and put it in your pocket before going SSD, if they have taken it from your SSD body when you come back, you must spam ahelps about them breaking rules. Admins never pay attention to anything so be sure to send multiple ahelps [spoiler2]per second[/spoiler2] with all caps and as many swears as you can fit in your message. Never proofread your shitty laws before uploading them to the AI. What could go wrong? Your time is most valuable, feel free to use shortened netspeak for the few times you are forced to communicate with someone. "lol ur cop u cant arrest me noob" Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-25033 Share on other sites More sharing options...
belarion Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 As CMO, it is your duty to drain the chem machines to fill your hypospray with chloral hydrate, it is your responsibility to go around giving small pricks to anyone and everyone, it is your burden to telebaton them straight to the brig! Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-25036 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Telvayne Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Please, if you suspect a Captain may be a comdom, make them fill out this form and fax it to Centcomm. An ERT will be sent to deal with him if he violates it. [b][large]Anticomdomancy Contract[/large][/b][hr] I, [field], hereby swear that, during my time as Captain of the NCS Cyberiad, I will not engage in any activities that may label me as a 'Comdom', 'Condom', or other derogatory term. These activites include, but are not limited to: Changing my title to 'King', 'Emperor', 'God', or anything other than 'Captain' Approving all-access for any Non-loyalty-implanted persons. Open carry of lethal weapons during non-red-alert times. Telling any department how to do their job when the crew does not have complaints against them. Not signing this form. Executing any crew without cause or due processes. Changing the AIs laws excessively. Calling an ERT then treating them like your personal army. Abusing the Communicator to send pointless messages. [br] As Captain I verify I have read the above-written information and give my signature, [field], and my stamp of authenticity. I understand that violation of this contract will subject me to the full extent of space vigilante justice, including and up to being lynched or turned into a monkey. Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-25066 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nomzy Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I followed this guide to a T, and I got jobbaned! 10/10, real good stuff in here. Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-25074 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackmage199 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Joined late and someone has your job? How DARE they? "Politely" ask them to return your *Read, YOUR, not the station's* belongings, then brig them for insubordination, along with the HoP! That'll teach him to assign somebody to YOUR job! Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-25092 Share on other sites More sharing options...
necaladun Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 They got promoted to YOUR job? They clearly did it to steal the jumpsuit because they're a traitor. Just kill them. Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-25139 Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeysfist101 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 They got promoted to YOUR job? They clearly did it to steal the jumpsuit because they're a traitor. Just kill them. Fun fact, of the ten times that I've late-joined to find two captains, 8 of them were traitors that got promoted. Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-25378 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fox McCloud Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 I think this is one of the best guides on all of Paradise. Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-25562 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumbdumn5 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Missed a spot there. Even if it is a little late. If a person has powers, be sure to bash their skull in ASAP. No exceptions. Remember that because they're not part of NanoTrasen they must be cold blooded murderers, and they must have done something wrong, right? Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-26620 Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisuke08 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 The gateway is to be bolted at all times and no one is allowed EVA access. The gateway will always have highly dangerous weapons that can be used to end your reign of comdomcy and should be closed at all times. If the RD insists on opening the gateway for science, he's most likely a traitor and should be spaced ASAP. Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-26697 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nomzy Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 The lockbox the RD wants you to unlock is clearly a trap laid by the syndicate, make sure to pull him into interrogation and teach him the true meaning of your Chain of Command. Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-26954 Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeletedUser Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 ^ That post was the 666th post on this sub-forum. This thread is hereby cursed. Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-26966 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garoon Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 The curse of Eternal Comdomancy begins NOW Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-26978 Share on other sites More sharing options...
John_bigless Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 It's all fun and games until Central Command blasts you with the BSA. Link to comment https://www.paradisestation.org/forum/topic/3822-how-to-be-a-comdom/#findComment-133757 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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