The worst shift ever.

[PokeMoney]

 

I was the captain... Somewhere in this I crack and decide to give myself all the medals, I also ended up grinding my teeth IRL (Which is random)

 

So the shift started out normally, we had confirmed reports of vampires, I wanted to do a bureaucracy run, and then it went to shit...

The clown got an unapproved implant of a fucking radio in his chest, and so I decided to order security to detain the clown (I gave the clown a warning to go get it taken out) so we could perform surgery on him and remove the implant. Security subdues the clown and takes him to surgery, and surgery is fucking packed to the brim, and when we try to put him on the table he keeps resisting, and screaming that we are murdering him. The fucking NT Rep (Who appeared to have a friendship with the clown because the clown was calling for his name), comes, and when the clown makes a break for the door, and makes it through, the NT rep whisks him away, whilst giving me shit as if I actually DID murder the clown. Some time passes by, I am still trying to diffuse to situation, meanwhile the fucking clown's chest radio is picking up EVERY FUCKING WORD SAID. They were apparently writing a report about the incident, so I quickly draw up a incident report for centcom. More time passes, more arguing ensues, the NT rep comes up to me and says something along the lines of "I have been watching you and I have been writing everything about you since the fucking shift started". He wanted my job, and he continued to follow me to my office and chew me out, whilst I am trying to put a pizza in my office. He notices I have the RD's reactive armor (We had no RD at the beginning of the round so I did his duties for him, and took the armor for protection), and he asks "Why do you have the RD's reactive armor?!" I don't answer him and just shut the door.

I message the HoS to arrest the NT Rep for Mutiny (Because by his actions, I judged that he was trying to get me fired (I have experience in finding this out, learned it the hard way when I super admined a Gmod server, everyone wants you job and will set you up)). I file a resolution report to centcom that I was having the NT Rep arrested for blatant mutiny and the clown's illegal implant removed (I had gotten a response from CentCom the first report and they told me to either deal with it or be fired). The clown was detained once again and was being taken to surgery and the NT Rep was arrested for Mutiny. I fought off the NT Rep in command chat whilst waiting for my reply from centcom. The reply never came. I had to order the NT Rep be released on parole (And the fucker was still trying to get me fired). Right then I had a message that the clown was teleported out of custody and so I ordered the security to swarm the Telescience. A few go there and someone suggests that we should dismantle it as it is aiding criminals so I give the Green Light. 5 minutes later I have reports by the CE that the fucking NT Rep keeps re-assembling the computers in Telescience and refusing to leave. I tell him to deal with it, and then out of nowhere THE FUCKING CLOWN BREAKS INTO MY OFFICE THROUGH THE TELEPORTER ROOM saying he "Wants to talk" so my immediate response it so shoot him with disabler beams and call for security. I had one security officer arrive, and I had to unload most of my gun into the clown.

 

With that one security officer there was an engineer carrying a locker, and I thought nothing of it, until he moved the locker into the corner, and jumped in saying "I am a locker" so I throw him out. The security officer leaves with the clown and of course the clown is screaming "WHY AM I BEING ARRESTED FOR WANTING TO TALK TO THE CAPTAIN?!" the NT Rep immediately jumps on my ass over this so I go follow the security officer to go charge the clown the shitlist of crimes that he has committed, enough to warrant perma brig (But I wanted to throw him in isolation), I go grab the law book to start listing off the crimes and the NT Rep chimes in (With a few random security officers suddenly mad at me) "You know you cannot make up crimes captain". I list off the crimes and the clown says he has committed no crimes, he just wanted to talk to me. The NT Rep swiftly teleports in then teleports out (Even though Telescience is supposed to be disabled).

 

In my ear set, I hear reports of a GIANT clown demanding that the clown be released. I did not comply, until I saw the fucking thing. Then some dickfuck security guard lets the clown free whilst I am going to the clown to talk diplomacy. The giant clown did not want to talk diplomacy, and the normal clown commands the GIANT clown to chase me down. He chases me to the fitness room and corners me, so I try to talk diplomacy once again, and he starts hitting me. The reactive armors saves me and teleports me into the holographic room, which (With the aid of security shooting this shit out of it) I make my escape. People start to heckle me about running from it, EVEN THOUGH I AM NOT A FUCKING SECURITY OFFICER, and I go hide in a botany closet. At this point I am steaming mad, everyone is pissed at me for no reason and I got the adminbus trying to run me over. I vent into the ahelp and the admin apologizes. I feel bad at the point and say that is it my point for being so pissed off (In his defense, he was going after random people). I go to my office, and attempt to call the ERT, but I was unable because nobody would help card for it (I actually learned ERT comes in many classes, not just security). I bolt down the bridge, then had to open it back up for the CE, and when I open it back up, I see an angry mob outside the bridge with signs such as "Captain is Craptain". Fucking pissed off, and with security dealing with the honkmother still, I go and call the shuttle.

 

5 minutes passes, I am in a locker by arrivals, waiting for the pod. I still have the NT Rep being a complete douche, and the clown is depressed because.... They killed the Honkmother, in the chapel of all places (Where we had finished all our vampire issues), A new person spawns, I (In IC) tell him about the Honkmother and all that and then I say in OOC, "Never being captain again" and a handful of people say Good, saying that I was SHIT, and that. THE FUCKING GUY THAT PLAYED THE SELF-ANTAGGING CLOWN (And another guy was possibly the NT Rep), even spoke up and said I was bad. I dealt with their shit with minimum hostility, for nearly two hours, start to finish, and no fucking sympathy. (This got my grinding my teeth, which I never do). I have had issues with the guy who played the clown in the past, because (Even though being a veteran player) he (Or at least when he plays as a clown, which is always) acts like he is king shit. I had to stop playing as Juarez Ledezma because of this guy (And a few others) metagrudging. At this point I lose it, I completely withdraw and focus mainly on ending the round. And that is what I did, I finished the round without saying anything because I seem to be cursed by a thing of...

For every one community that likes me, Ten dislike/hate me.

I ranted about it in the minichat box an a wise man said something along the lines of...

 

"So to some extent actual leadership is basically that rant. It is herding cats, but half of them hate you and some portion of the other half want your job."

 

... and that was so true. I withdrew names to salvage any hurt feelings I caused by writing this up, instead of fucking writing a player report.

 

[KasparoVv]

Lmao, I hope they don't misunderstand this and get egostrokage. I was in that round and it was quite pitiful, but w/e. It's over!

[MrRogueAce]

soooo, make a player complaint?

[Spacemanspark]

 

I'm offended you left me out.

 

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

[Common] Ethan Burke asks, "Can we please avoid going to war with everyone's relligious deity?"

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

[Common] AERO says, "Either one, really"

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

[Common] Ethan Burke says, "A lot of people believe in Honkmother."

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

[Common] Spirit says, "The one the size of a small building, Mr. Dmitri."

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

[Common] HONKrade Dmitri stammers, "H-Hel-lp-p"

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

[Common] HONKrade Dmitri stammers, "K-Ky-y-y-yle p-p-pl-leas-se"

[security] Officer Beepsky says, "Detaining level 5 scumbag HONKrade Dmitri in the ÿCloning Lab."

Narayan Singh exclaims, "Aww yea im a free man!"

[Common] HONKrade Dmitri stammers, "Jus-st-t t-turn-n of-f t-t-the beep-p-p-ps-s-sk-ky-y."

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

[Common] Luke Northey asks, "Wher'd clown go?"

[Common] Colin Black says, "West of bridge"

[Common] Boris Vladyslav says, "Left side of the bridge"

[Common] Yachikikicha exclaims, "IT CHASE VOX AT BRIDGE!"

[Common] Frankie Moheicas says, "What the fuck is happening out here"

[Common] AERO asks, "Sec, can i shoot all these monkeys in front of the kitchen?"

[Common] Yachikikicha says, "SKRAAAAAAAW~|!~"

[Common] Ethan Burke yells, "ALL HAIL THE HONKMOTHER!"

[Common] HONKrade Dmitri says, "CREW"

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

[Common] HONKrade Dmitri says, "STOP SHOOTING MY HONKBROTHER"

[Common] HONKrade Dmitri says, "IT'S UNKIND"

[Common] Mateo Isemann says, "AI, please open"

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

Your arm is too tired to do that again so soon!

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

Chichikeitichi waves around "CAPTAINS IS CRAPTAINS." sign.

[Common] Luke Northey yells, "Let's kill them!"

[Common] Tikitiiirawkahk exclaims, "He a big big big brother!"

 

 

[Allfd]

 

Let’s not lose sight of the real Comdoms, shitcurity.

 

About the first quarter of that round was the Magistrates vampire inquisition, security did not have the appetite to RP so we ended up moving off of that right before everything struck.

 

Security (possibly) killed the Honkmother, Cyberiad security is now the true embodiment of shitcurity and has earned that noble title by ridding the universe of laughter.

 

 

I will tell the abridged side of my story from log excerpts, I was Yachikikicha, Head of Shitcurity.

 

[Common] HONKrade Dmitri says, "Brig me for 15 minutes"

[Common] Luke Northey says, "A FUCKING CLOWN GIANT"

[security] Nicholas Wonton says, "HoS I need to talk to you about sentencing the clown"

[security] Yachikikicha says, "Should talk to magistrate."

[Discussions over common radio about sentencing guidelines]

[security] Boris Vladyslav says, "Ehh giant cluwne near bar"

[Common] P.I.N says, "WAIT"

[Common] P.I.N says, "There's a giant clown near the bar?!"

 

I have walked to the bar at this point, have seen the giant clown , it looked at me, and I ran back to the brig screaming. It looked like it was very much hostile although this is through the lens of security witnessing a giant clown.

 

[security] Yachikikicha shouts, "ALARMS!"

[security] Yachikikicha yells, "IS GIANT HONKS IN BAR!"

[insert Captain/Station Clown/NT Rep arguing over radio]

[security] P.I.N says, "Is there actually a giant clown?"

[security] Yachikikicha yells, "ALL SECURITY FOR WEAPON NOW!"

[security] P.I.N says, "Where's the Cluwne?"

[security] P.I.N says, "OH GOD I SEE IT"

[More arguing over radio about what crimes the clown may/may not have committed]

[security] Yachikikicha yells, "ARMORY!"

[Arguing about major trespass being 15minutes or a capitol offense]

[security] Colin Black says, "GIANT CLOWN coming to sec"

 

Taser fire outside sec lobby, looks like security has already engaged the clown then.

 

[someone listing off possible charges for the clown and/or NT Rep]

[security] Colin Black says, "Like, holy shit"

 

[security] Yachikikicha yells, "YA YA PREPARE DEFEND SEC!"

Tatum Buchanan says, "OH GOD!"

[People over radio questioning if captain is making up laws]

 

P.I.N says, "HELP"

The giant clown apparently does not respect personal space

 

[A civilian in security complains about lethal weapons being everywhere for some reason]

[someone talking on radio about how you can’t perma the clown for a 15 minutes sentence]

[CE threatening to cut power to NT Reps office for exceeding his authority]

Yachikikicha says, "Hold fires =" (panicked typing)

 

ITS NOT STOPPING!

 

Yachikikicha yells, "FIRES!"

 

[Vox making fun of captain over coms]

[More yelling over coms about the captain and what is a perma briggable offense]

 

Laser fire as the clown moves across the sec lobby to the brig

 

Taser fire

 

Magistrate hitting his gavel

 

Vikk says, "Order"

 

[More over coms about the clown being charged for things nobody witnessed]

 

Stanley Braken says, "CLOWN"

Clown says, "HONK"

 

All sorts of people running to see the clown, just so happen to be running between it and security.

 

Nicholas Wonton says, "HOLY SHIT"

 

Clown says, "Welcome to clown planet!"

 

Clown chases Captain to the dorms

 

[security] Ethan Burke asks, "WHY ARE YOU SHOOTING THEM?"

[security] Yachikikicha shouts, "IT AFTER QUILL!"

[security] Yachikikicha exclaims, "SAVE QUILL!"

Clown says, "Welcome to clown planet!"

 

[Common] Bianca Larkens says, "AHHAAHAHHA"

[Common] Bianca Larkens says, "CLOWN!"

 

[Arguing over coms about who is responsible for the riot outside the bridge]

 

Too many people getting in the mix and a sec officer and the captain are now going hand to hand with the giant clown

 

[security] Yachikikicha exclaims, "Hold fire!"

 

 

[someone on coms requesting a demotion from the captain of a crew member]

 

This may be the point that we can deescalate this, I ask the heads but no response.)

 

Clown says, "Welcome to clown planet!"

Yachikikicha yells, "Officer no hurt!"

 

[security] Ethan Burke says, "Just saying, murdering clowns is not like murdering Diona. They are still people."

[security] Yachikikicha asks, "You see this one?"

 

Officer down!, Giant Clown has moved on and we are not sure where.

 

[Common] Tikitiiirawkahk asks, "How big he clown?"

[Common] Nicholas Wonton says, "The fucking honkmother is huge"

[Common] Tikitiiirawkahk asks, "Is doubler height of regular clowns?"

[Common] Spirit says, "I would hazard triple, Tikitiiirawkahk."

[Common] HONKrade Dmitri says, "Way more than triple"

[Common] HONKrade Dmitri says, "About 10x the size of me."

[Common] Spirit says, "It is quite a large clown."

[Common] Tikitiiirawkahk shrieks, "HONKMOTHER here! WOW!"

 

We are really not sure where it got off to at this point…. Then I find it...

 

[Common] Ethan Burke says, "Honkmother is probably angry since the entire sec team shot it."

[security] Yachikikicha exclaims, "IS AT ESCAPE!"

[Common] Frankie Moheicas asks, "Whats the official protocol for giant clowns?"

 

Clown points to Yachikikicha

Yachikikicha shouts, "RUN!"

Clown says, "Welcome to clown planet!"

Yachikikicha points to the floor

Yachikikicha aims a laser cannon at Clown!

 

I empty a laser cannon into it as I run away in the direction of the bridge (also into a bunch of stoks that are filling the hallway for reasons.

 

[More yelling over coms about the NT Rep]

 

Clown points to the floor

 

[security] Boris Vladyslav yells, "CLUWNE GET BIGGER MORE ATTACK!"

 

At this point the Giant clown is now bigger then the hallway.

 

[Common] Yachikikicha exclaims, "IT CHASE VOX AT BRIDGE!"

[Common] Ethan Burke yells, "ALL HAIL THE HONKMOTHER!"

[More complaints about the NT Rep over coms, the AI wants him terminated as he is helping “arrest targets”, others supporting the NT Rep]

[Common] Bianca Larkens says, "GENETICIST GOT MURDERED HONK"

[Common] Yachikikicha says, "We not letting it get back to CentCom."

 

[security] Yachikikicha asks, "Clown is weak to mime, where is mime?"

[security] Colin Black asks, "Wasn't mime vampire and burned?"

[security] P.I.N says, "Yes."

 

[Common] Felix King says, "He's gone..."

[Common] HONKrade Dmitri says, "You sons of bitches."

[Common] P.I.N says, "I AM GOING TO REASON WITH THE HON-"

[Common] HONKrade Dmitri says, "You killed my honkbrother."

[Common] P.I.N says, "NOOOo"

[Common] Felix King says, "GIANT CLOWN IN CHAPEL!"

[Common] HONKrade Dmitri says, "You KILLED HIM!"

[Common] Nicholas Wonton asks, "YOU KILLED THE GIANT CLOWN?"

[Common] HONKrade Dmitri says, "YOU FUCKING KILLED HIM"

[Common] Ethan Burke shouts, "THEY KILLED HONKMOTHER!"

[Common] HONKrade Dmitri says, "YOU MONSTERS"

[Common] Ethan Burke shouts, "THEY KILLED HONK MOTHER!".

 

[Common] Ethan Burke exclaims, "MURDERERS!"

 

Everyone seemed to have mostly redirected their attention to security after that. The shuttle arrived very shortly after

 

Priority Announcement

 

Great honor to Tyla Lithral, show no fear as fight hand to hand to slay Honkmother!

-Yachikikicha (Head of Security)

 

I love you admins and I am happy to have been in the right place at the right time to be run over with your adminbus.

 

[Tinfoiltophat]

 

as the clown, i'm gonna say getting a radio in my chest =/= self-antagging, and i don't metagrudge.

also i'm gonna say that an NT rep writing reports =/= mutiny.

that's all.