The Coffin, the Borer, and the Telepad

[IK3I]

 

Preface: If you've even seen a certain IPC by the name of ROBIT as the RD during a shift, then this story probably won't be overly surprising, though none the less, bizarre. If you haven't seen ROBIT before, then all you really need to know about him is that about half the time, he's completely mad. For instance, the most common thing you'll see him doing is taking the PDA monitor key, folding it up, and placing it on his head before announcing that he has donned the Paper Hat of Decryption and shouting nonsense about the scriptpocalipse.

 

Now then, to the true story of what happens when crazy meets needy:

 

We begin our adventure in the research department, where ROBIT has just finished researching and distributing all required tech and has delivered his discoveries to CentCom. Now free from the bondage of responsibility, he turns to the box of materials and an idea strikes him. "Of course, a telepad will provide hours of entertainment and research!"

 

Jump forward a short while and we find ROBIT sitting in his office holding a hand teleporter and a tracking beacon, the glow of the telepad console illuminates him as he finishes calibrating the beacon and activates it. With the beacon finished, only one thing remained. ROBIT pushes some buttons on the hand teleporter and the interface lights up briefly before a portal opens to the bridge and he steps through.

 

Now on the bridge, ROBIT just needed to calibrate the hub to target his office so he could return on a whim. Before he had the chance though, he heard someone call out to him. It was Kitsa and Linda, some Vulpakins that he had seen around the station but had never really talked to much. They wanted help providing a space burial for Linda's old body since she was a clone. Not one to miss an opportunity to science, ROBIT immediately agreed, set the hub, and activated the teleporter whisking the three of them to his lab.

 

Back in the seclusion of his office, the three discussed more of what was needed while ROBIT dialed in the telepad to the coffin storage area. He activated it just as they realized that they didn't know the exact location of Linda's old body. Jumping into action, ROBIT ran to the morgue and determined the location before prepping the body for transport. Not missing a beat, he activated the hand tele and stepped though to calibrate the telepad. Little did he know, he was not alone in the morgue.

 

Upon returning to the lab, the three found that a cortical borer had made it's way into the portal and followed ROBIT back. Not wanting to risk being killed, the borer gave a small cry before fleeing to the corner of the office and hiding. ROBIT told the borer that it would not be harmed if it stayed where it was. He wished to study it later after all. The borer let out a quiet noise and began watching the three intently while they made the final arrangements and prepared to move to the engineering shuttle for the service.

 

ROBIT, being adverse to walking such a long distance, decided to send the others via telepad. Surely he could do so without spacing them, right? Wrong. A small error in the calculations placed kitsa outside the station where her hardsuit was put to the test. She maneuvered back inside while ROBIT reassessed his calculations and found the error. Linda, understandably, was nervous at this point and wanted to walk, but ROBIT was having none of it, he adjusted his aim and sent the coffin away to land right at the feet of Kitsa, who was now waiting at the intended destination. Finally, it was Linda's turn, she was unfamiliar with teleportation and had just witnessed the dangers, but either trusted ROBIT, or was willing to risk the chance of an error, because she stepped on the pad. The crystals charged and she seems hesitant for a moment before a bright flash overtook her and she found herself next to Kitsa with the coffin. They said their goodbyes and went to the outpost to bury the body.

 

Meanwhile, back at ROBIT's office, the borer cowered in the corner while ROBIT told it to stay put for it's own safety. It made a noise that seemed to be an affirmation as ROBIT went back outside to discuss the situation with the NT Rep. Apparently, some strange things had been going on and the shuttle was being called early as a result. Naturally, ROBIT didn't like this as it meant cutting his research short, but it wouldn't stop him from having some fun before he left.

 

By now, the Borer had had enough of sitting around and tried to escape the office the only way it could, the disposals systems. Little did t know, however, that ROBIT had shut it off to prevent such action from occurring. Instead, ROBIT offered it a choice, get teleported to a destination he chooses, or sit in his office for the remainder of the shift. The borer was cautious, but after watching ROBIT teleport some items around, gained the confidence to accept his offer. The borer climbed on the pad and made a little squeak before ROBIT threw the switch and sent it off to botany.

 

Now finished dealing with all the problems in his office, ROBIT realized that he had some time to kill before the shuttle arrived. He decided to make a humanized monkey and teleport it to the bar in a body bag. On the way over to get this monkey however, he found that one of his test subjects employees had fallen asleep on the job. Seeing the opportunity for what it was, he stuffed the scientist into the bodybag and then began teleporting it back and forth between the bar and his lab, confusing patrons who tried to get a closer look. He then repeated this in the brig lobby and was about to do so in the escape lobby, before he realized that at some point in the most recent switch, he had infact lost the body.

 

His fun now over, ROBIT decided to wait for the shuttle to arrive before locking on to one of the people on board and calibrating the pad before stepping on. With one final flash, he was sent to the shuttle where he took his seat triumphantly as it departed for CentCom.