Funniest stories that happened to you on SS13

[Jzoid]

 

Title says it all

Post your funniest story

Doesn't have to be PS (As I think mine isn't on here) so go ahead and just post it

 

Mine was the second time ever playing

I was playing as the Chaplain, preaching Allahism like the 14 year old I was

Someone comes up to me, I'm intesrested as it was a potential follower

They start to strangle me, slamming me down on the table

Before forcing a grenade in my mouth

He whispers gently into my ear

"Allahu Akbar" and the whole Chapail blows up

 

 

Another time, it didn't happen to me but I was there when it happened

 

The wizard hired a clown as a friend, the two would go around the station cluwning people

Then suddenly, the clown, unarmed started to strangle the wizard for an unknown reason, ending his life winning the round for everyone

Thought that was pretty funny.

 

[Grongo]

 

Simple story. I was playing K.A.N.G, doing my rounds as a scientist. I'd basically maxxed out research, so I had a bag of holding on me. Out of nowhere, as I really hadnt been paying attention to the radio

NAR-SIE HAS RISEN

I go over to R&D, grabbing a bag of holding from the protolathe before running towards Nar-Nar, letting loose the power of the singulo upon the beast, hoping to slow it down.

The singulo ate nar-sie.

i spent the rest of the round confused in deadchat.

 

[saywat_the_15th]

I was a detective, this one dude came up to me and asked if i could show him what kind of job detective was, he tagged along to some minor crime scenes and asked things about detective work and such, almost at the end of the shift he wants to practise cuffing me, he does, turns out he was a changeling *cue absorbing*

[DarkPyrolord]

My one has to be a stealtcult round, most of the crew were playing a station-wide game of laser tag including all of security + command and that alone was amazing, so the cult objectives were to sacrifice the detective and summon Nar'sie, what we did was down the detective with laser tag guns, stunpaper, then sacrifice in maintenance below the paramedic's office, then we head off to summon Nar'sie while the game of laser tag is still going on, we all gather and summon, at that moment all of security and command just stand still for a few seconds, drop laser tag guns and run for it while they probably thought back to the clown's first question before the laser tag game, "What team is Nar'sie on?"

Edited September 6, 2016 by Guest

[FPK]

 

I've got one, but this was on LLJK #2

 

Roundstart, and I'm a changeling chef. My only objective is to absorb 10 people by the shift's end, so I decide to make a ton of poisonous and fattening foods to feed my victims. What happened was absolute hilarity.

 

I'm making deep-fried burgers of doom, along with shots of Bo Jack to knock people over and get them horribly intoxicated. I'd say something like, "Oh you skinny boy, you need to eat! Mangia, Mangia!" Sometimes they'd go along with it, and we'd both shove tons of food down their gullet until they collapsed on the floor. One assistant I was feeding when a radiation storm hit. Rather than go inside maintenance, he insisted he stay outside to gorge himself on fancy beer and food. Whoever that assistant was, god bless man.

 

This goes on for awhile, and no one suspects a thing. I strip people in the meat locker, then gib their bodies to make more burgers to feed to people. Eventually, some guy comes in and sees like, 6 different IDs and backpacks strewn across the meat locker floor. This is how that encounter went down.

 

"Oh no, you know where my meat comes from."

I close the door behind him.

"You can never leave here alive."

Acid spit, followed up with a rolling pin to the head, and he's on the floor. He tries to crawl for the knife, but I knock him down before he can get a blow off. I eat him up, throw the body in the gibber, and make some hotdogs.

 

I continue my stealthy but ravenous murdering spree, while the other changelings go loud and are eventually gunned down by the crew. By the end of the shift, I've absorbed 11 different people. To celebrate, I went full-on shambler on the escape shuttle, while the entire crew watched dumbfounded that the innocent chef was a changeling.

 

[Sothangel]

 

most of the crew were playing a station-wide game of laser tag including all of security + command and that alone was amazing

 

Only a comdom would arrange such an event :^) and it was super fun to learn the cult were just sneaking around, I didn't know they actually took part in the game to get their objective, that was really neat

 

[Purpose2]

 

This one happened recently, which is probably my favourite moment in SS13 for quite some time.

 

 

I get traitor as Plasmaman Civilian, have a couple objectives that frankly I forgot about... because I was having too much fun with my own imposed objective of helping as many traitors as I could by spreading chaos without murder.

 

Round starts, I ahelp to get permission to bomb Engineering - BEFORE the Engine gets setup - and in a location that won't damage any of the 4 SMES - JUST....

 

While the bomb is ticking, I go and get myself assigned to Engineering - "I'll help fix Engineering! Fucking traitors!"... As I'm helping patch the damage, the Chief Engineer transfers aboard the station, and I do what I assumed would be an amusing trick to play on the CE... I had a pair of 'insulated gloves' that didn't feel like rubber... but weren't obviously budget gloves.... I swap out the Chief Engineers gloves for the fake gloves.... and carry on my merry way.

 

CE arrives in Engineering, I give him a sit-rep, most of the damage is now fixed. CE begins doing double checks over engineering before starting the engine. I then spend the next 15 minutes cutting and re-routing wires and cables all over the station so that large sections of the station weren't powered.

 

Engine goes up. Loads of complaints that they still don't have power. I think the CE catches me, but I thankfully accidentally placed wire rather than pick it up, right as he shows up, and it looks like I'm fixing the sabotage.

 

This continues for a while longer.

 

Then the angriest message over comms about the CE wanting to kill the tratior that swapped out his gloves for fake ones comes over the radio, as he has just shocked himself on a door...

 

Unable to control myself, I ahelp "Sorry, I have to tell someone.... I swapped the CE's gloves for fake ones, and he got shocked and is super pissed". And I get the immediate response from Necaladun "I hate you so much but that was amazing"... Yep, I just bragged about my prank to the Head of Staff who I played it on without knowing.

 

Anyway, I don't end up green texting, but loads of my fellow traitors do, and we end up having to call the shuttle after 45 minutes because nobody can find all my cable sabotage... and it remains a super memorable round for me, for ignoring greentext and just trying to make an interesting round.

 

[necaladun]

 

most of the crew were playing a station-wide game of laser tag including all of security + command and that alone was amazing

 

Only a comdom would arrange such an event :^) and it was super fun to learn the cult were just sneaking around, I didn't know they actually took part in the game to get their objective, that was really neat

 

Ikr. What shitbird clown would organise that.

 

(rematch soon?)

 

[Keroman]

 

My go-to story whenever I'm telling someone about SS13 who hasn't experienced it for themselves yet is this one.

 

This was back when I still played Maxwell Edison and he was still Tajaran. I was the Detective and it was early in the shift so of course I was hanging out in the bar. Thanks to Nat Adams I wound up with pink fur/hair and of course Nat hits me with a gender-swap UI from genetics. So pink female Maxwell, drunk off her ass, wanders back to the brig. My in-game speech was alternating between normal and slurred which for Detectives (who start with the sober gene) means you have gone way overboard. I get back to the brig and find the HoS and Warden waiting. I slur a greeting and one of them says, "Detective Edison, are you drunk?"

 

I reply, "No," and immediately pass out. I mean it was so perfectly timed that I couldn't have made it happen if I was trying.

 

[Captain Cardgage]

 

During a random time in SS13 i decided to become a drone, little did i realize there was slings. not good ones either they seemed fairly new as i decided to crept through maintenece fixing the bulbs from what i assumed was a random greytider being a greytider and destroying bulbs. I kept replacing them when no one was around found em later broken again. then I realized I saw a shadowling so I decided to leave.

 

 

Moments later they caught a atmostech and thralled him, from what I assumed was to deactivate me due to me constantly fixing the lights they try to smash out in the hallways and got themselves seen and I was pinged back to those areas with smashed lights.

The Atmostech runs to the drone console from that point I just sat there in the pipe awaiting deactivation only to see him disassemble the console. I just sat there, laughing silently as I resume cleaning the hallways and nearby lights they keep smashing by escape and the bar until they finally got picked off.

 

I sat there just contemplating my luck. and that i realized that maybe being a drone so much isn't the best course of action anymore...

 

[LittleBigKid2000]

One shift, I was I.D.E., the CE, getting drunk in my office. Somehow, atmosia got filled with plasma and N2O. I went in there and sparked, lighting the entire place on fire.

[Aza]

One Extended Round ago, the crew was relatively peaceful... and that was boring as hell! When it's extended and you have no antagonists, you gotta make up your antagonists. So security finally gets an alert from the mining crew and AI that there are a bunch of syndicates stationed at an outpost in lavaland. Security knew it was finally their moment, so they geared themselves up, went down in groups and prepared to lay siege to the syndicate outpost. I was late to the assault and I decided to join in after hearing how bad our security department was doing. Our Head of Security fell down a chasm. Our Warden went looking for our Head of Security; he fell down the chasm, too. Two of our officers got their heads deleted by a sniper rifle. I arrive to lavaland, find two officers there, and I basically tell them, "I'm Bolton Grey, pod pilot. You know I'm better than you because I get my own office. Now you two wait here, and I'll-" And then I get my head deleted by sniper rifle.

So now most of security is either a spooky ghost or stranded in lavaland. I get to talking in dchat and then I find out something... The lavaland syndicate outpost was an elaborate bait that gambled on annoying the Cyberiad station so much that they would send down their security team by themselves. Turns out this Extended round is actually a stealthy Nukestended round. So the nuclear operatives pose as pizza delivery men. They get the captain to open the pizza box and "bam" a locker full of nukies come out, kill the captain, steal the nuke disk, and proceed to nuke our station. Everyone gets played hard.

Edited November 21, 2020 by Aza

[KennyMazzle]

Traitor round - spawned as a virologist. Did the usual healing virus which was ready in about 15 minutes into the shift and decided on emag/storage implant/that thing that lets you remotely connect to doors. Put said items into my storage implant and had a few TK left and the injector pipette was on sale so it ended up being my last item. Managed to emag a borg as well as contact another traitor. Deleted the messages from the other syndie and told the borg to murder and space someone who was an objective of mine. 

 

Skip about 15 minutes and I'm on security being searched and questioned. I'm handcuffed and they're going through my gear. Officer starts to take my PDA and then BEEP "delete all conversation my identity has been compromised" from the other syndie. Literally as it's being taken from me - could not have had worse timing. 

 

Ended up getting a lethal injection after emagging the arcade in perma and Cuban-Pete bombed the doors then emagged my way to evidence and wearing all the gear inside. No regrets. 

[Nazsgull]

I was Neil Enet, traitor assistant. Had to assasinate 2 targets and get out.
Tried killing one of them but failed misserably. Hid in maintenance for 20 minutes disguised as a cigarette butt (charmeleon projector) to avoid security patrols. Then decided I had had enough, I was going to erase myself from the database.

So, I go to security east maintenance, emag my way into detective office and I get disguised as a cigarette butt again. Not even 10 seconds later a security officer notices the break in but obviously does not see me (I'm a cigarette butt after all, what am I going to do, give him cancer?). He calls the Detective (Lytic Lere if I remember correctly) and they have a chat about who could have been.

The Detective calls an engineer to repair the door and I wait for him to fix the door (I needed it fixed to emag it open hehe). They keep not repairing the door while I'm between crying of laughter and afraid of being caught. Finally, when it's done, I wait for the detective to leave and I remove my disguise.

Turns out you cannot use an emag to log in into the security computers (I thought it would work, trust me it does not) and the Detective was right about to return. I promptly return to my cigarette form and hope he did not saw me moving back to my original position.

 

He did.

I thought about running but I knew they would spot me sooner or later now that they knew I had a charmeleon projector, so I surrendered. Aside of that, IRL I was going through a laughter attack. Got processed, all my syndie gear, my ID, toolbelt, insulated gloves... standard greytider equipment ya know, all gone.

Fast forward a few minutes, warden is about to dress me as prisioner, then I look to the top left of the screen and I see it, the freedom implant icon. Turns out I had bough it roundstart but forgot I did. At that exact moment I was talking to the warden, commenting on how wacky the Emag was for failing at what I had tried to do. Then I said "Nevermind, gotta go", used the implant, ran through security to an opened door to the Main Hallway, dodged tasers and such, turned arround in engineering and got in a closet to hide and try to breathe IRL.

Edited December 30, 2020 by Nazsgull