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Posted

Working sec most of the time I thought it'd be interesting to share stories of some of the crap we deal with. Maybe it will give people a better understanding of why we have an itchy trigger finger sometimes. If I tase you, cuff you, then discover you've done nothing wrong, I would have wasted a few moments of your time and release you. If I don't, there is an off chance you will kill me and destroy my body.

Maybe people who deal with Shitcurity can also share thier stories so we can use them to try to clean up things on our end.

This will go well ?

Commence dumping buckets of salt!

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Posted (edited)

My first story...how bout an antag I find in space, I hit them with a few lasers from my pod and they use the rest command and /deathgasp emote to pretend they've died. I exit my pod to retrieve the body, approach them, they jump up and kill me.

Since I've dealt with this multiple times and dies to it multiple times, I've now grown wise to this and hide behind my pod while examining to see if they are dead. I cannot examine them while inside the pod.

One time I literally waited in my pod telling a dude I know he's not dead for 10+ min until he got bored and finally got up n tried fighting again until he actually died.

Edited by ZN23X
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Posted

Story two. A potential antag that is unusually cooperative when I catch him. I decide not to tase and cuff him, he agrees to a search. As soon as I begin taking off his backpack  (so they know I have the window pulled up blocking my view) they proceed to knock me down and kill me. Pretty sure I should have reported that one but was fairly new at the time so I didn't know I could or should.

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Posted (edited)

Story three. I find a potential Vox antag in space. Doesn't respond to me at all, I warn I'll have to detain him if he doesn't, I end up detaining and bringing him in. Nothing on him. Released. Later in the round there are endless grates built outside my podbay, only way to remove them is to go through airlock and deal with them from the outside. On my way to the airlock I find and unknown Vox, same color as the one from space, grating off sec maint. Detained. Had contraband this time to sentence them. 

So...a mistake I'll never make again, I know I'm not supposed to remove his tank. However, his mask is making him an unknown. I mistakenly remove it thinking it's more like a helmet. This guy hasent talked AT ALL, makes no indication that he can't breath, doesn't try to alert me in any way. After he is brigged a Borg mentions he doesn't have a mask on, I grab a regular mask and put it on him not realizing Vox have different masks and he ends up needing medical treatment. 5 min later I get a message from an admin angirly asking me why I removed a Vox's mask and I explain the whole situation. I got off with a warning only because I TRIED to put a mask on them later. I assume the antag bitched at an admin despite making zero effort to notify me IC that they needed a mask. I didn't bring that up with the admin cuz the admin was pretty angry and I didn't want to make them angrier by trying to defend myself in any way. I was just super apologetic. 

Should I have reported him for failing to communicate anything about his mask? What about the griefing by making endless grates outside my pod bay? I don't even know.

Edited by ZN23X
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Posted (edited)

Stuff like this has led to me doing what I refer to as "ban denial therapy" where I read ban denials and am happy knowing the admins are working as hard if not harder than I am in security to try to clean up the garbage.

Alright...I'll let others speak now. What stories do you all have dealing with Shitcurity or power gaming antags? Share!

Edited by ZN23X
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Posted

OK, so about a year ago, I played ss13 a good bit later than my usual timezone, so most of the players were ones I was unfamiliar with. There was this IPC HoS, and he is behind one of the two or three times I've gotten truly mad while playing security.

I was the Warden, and it became apparent soon enough it was a traitor round. The HoS was one of the greatest valid hunters I've seen wear the coat.  This was before not killing antags who hadn't killed or stolen anything and didn't resist arrest was codified into space law, so the he just one-man firing-squaded every antag we brought in. Some antags didn't really mind, but some players, believe it or not, don't like being summarily murdered without a good reason. Now, the Captain and all the command people had done zilch to put an end to this funny business, so when he got ready to shoot some scientist that had contraband without any indication of Captain approval, I tasered him and cuffed him for attempted murder. About this time, a first-round sec officer shows up and tasers me.

I was hauled to processing, and the (IPC) Captain and grey HoP show up. I was given some ultra-vague charge, despite my having a valid reason for making the arrest. I asked the Captain about all the killings and he was like "Umm, maybe I authorized it, don't really remember." The HoP, in full powergaming gear, sat there and berated me while the HoS prattled on. I was dumped ID-less on the (broken) mining camp.

I've never seen the HoP or HoS players again, and if I never do it'll be too soon.

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Posted (edited)

Now this brings up a few good ones for me, but I'll keep it to two good stories for now.

 

First one is a rather short one, it was the start of a lowpop round, everything calm, first thing over comms comes from the HoS,

"No prisoners, only bodies."

About ten seconds later you hear this over comms, from the AI this time,

"The HoS is being murdered by their pet spider."

No one really bothered to revive that HoS after Araneus killed them, because well... I don't think I really have to explain

 

And the next one comes from a nuke ops round, where I'll let the screenshots explain...

AraStrikesAgain.png.debf072729ecfb8aa0e1e5ab78735b59.png

 

The HoS attempted to implant a death alarm into Araneus, little does he know Araneus doesn't fear death, he embraces it!

FlukeOpsSecEdition.png.ab9e59d92730b94acdf62a4a6ee0638f.png

And after killing the HoS and putting two security members and the mime into critical, his fury is finally calmed.

And the funny thing... this was all happening while there were nuke ops active on station, shooting crew in the halls while they screamed for help.

Edited by DarkPyrolord
Missed a ckey there.
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Posted

Alright another story from me about one of my own flukes that led to a memorable shift.

This is actually the longer version of the Major Crime part of Tetra's security record.

I go to join an early low population shift that is about 10 minutes in...depleted security force...I decide that having SOMEONE as HOS is better than nobody, so I take the job. This was my first time as HOS aside from 1 or 2 shifts where I was Acting HOS for a short while.

I'm very inexperienced and inform command of this but they (which was literally just a captain and HOP) are glad to have me. Mostly had only dealt with cultists and traitors at this point. 

There are vampires on the station. Okay I've got this. Call the chaplain, get a tank blessed, 2 fire extinguishers in processing, we are good to go. My officers bring in our first vamp. Due to my experience with cultists I proceed to force feed this vamp enough holy water to de-convert a cultists. Despite emptying both extinguishers on the vampire they continue to burn.

After we clean up that mess the magistrate bring me aside and informs me that I'm being demoted and arrested for manslaughter. I'm unhappy with this but accept my punishment without much resistance.

Served the rest of the shift in perma. My officers did a good job making me comfortable, didn't put me in prison gear, giving me cigs and a botany bag. Kept me company and even still consulted with me about things.

Eventually got a few vampire roommates that attempted to eat me and led to a lock down, one of them being executed, and the other agreeing to be a civil roommate with me. 

Appealed to central after working with IAA. Denied. I was super salty about this at the time but looking back now, just yet another unique experience given to me by SS13.

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Posted (edited)

Another old story...this one probably deserves it's own topic but it fits in with "Tales from Shitcurity"...the story of the "PIMP WARDEN"

I'm playing as sec and we don't have a warden long enough for me to volunteer. I get my ID changed from pilot to warden, but the HOP doesn't close the warden slot so within 10 minutes another warden shows up. Can't remember his last name but his first name was Ricky. I meet him in the wardens office to give him a rundown of what's been happening, he opens his locker, points at me and says "BITCH! GIVE ME MY PIMP GLOVES!"

I'm thinking great...another asshole warden who just wants to be a glorified officer with cool gloves. I give him the gloves and beg him not to be bad at his job. He's just like "BITCH I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, DON'T ORDER ME AROUND, I OWN YOU"

Oh lord...I go to the HOP and revert to pilot. This warden is acting very questionable. I run into him walking around the ship and his title has been changed to "Pimp" and he points at me as says "Hoe, how are you supposed to service customers in all that armor?" (Was wearing my EVA) I'm like "Are you fucking kidding me?" Tell him to get back to the brig and do his damned job. I inform the HOS and captain of his antics and the round proceeds with him continuing this routine, butting heads with everyone in Sec, various complaints about him doing a bad job to which he argues "You bitches may not understand my methods, but I'm really INSPIRING you to work harder"

HOS either dies or cryos...can't remember, Captain asks me to come be promoted to acting HOS, Ricky argues it's his job per SOP. I'm mortified by the notion of this fool being HOS so I protest, but IAA gets involved and the Pimp is now our HOS. He does this routine where he literally refers to officers as his "product" and criminals as "customers" and keeps complaining that he shouldn't have to service customers  (process prisoners) and that his hoes (officers) aren't doing thier job.

At this point I've had enough and I AHELP because this is just absurd. I explain a routine like this would be sort of acceptable for a greytide but we can't have something as important as the warden and especially the HOS acting like this. I was fairly new at the time so wasn't aware something like this could be handled IC. I beleive the captain was one of the admins so we end up going through a process IC where he gets demoted...forcefully...and that's pretty much that..

Edited by ZN23X
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  • 3 weeks later...
Posted (edited)

Here's a new one. Hot off the presses.

I'll name this one "Riot or Wrong?"

I'm an officer, early on we catch a traitor with a pen sword and emag who attempted to kill someone. We put em in perma. Captain orders we borg them.

There is some opposition amongst command that delays the borgification but it finally is complete. The opposition was made public somewhere along the way and riots began in front of the bridge. 

It was really confusing for a while but at some point security needed to don riot gear to break up the crowd. We told them to disperse, some refused, we began arresting, uncuffed rioters began dragging cuffed ones away, a civilian who, as far as I knew wasn't a rioter, started dragging a cuffed rioter off. I tase and cuff them, another officer gets the rioter, I start bringing the civ to the brig. 

Here's where it got...interesting. in LOOC they say "Why am I being arrested? I've committed no crime, answer or I'll AHELP" 

I stop and IC I say "you are being arrested for helping a criminal, you tried to drag away a cuffed rioter that we were arresting"

I can't remember what was IC or LOOC at this point but from this point forward there was a mixture of the two with them telling me that's not a law, I'm not allowed to search them.

Despite them being SO cooperative I say I'm going to search them and if they have nothing on them they get off with a warning. I find a stunprod on them. Tell them I need to brig them for weapons possession.

They keep arguing IC and OOC that I can't do this, so I say in LOOC "Alright I'll amuse you, I'll AHELP this"

I end up MHELPing explaining that I've arrested a civilian that was helping a rioter get away, am I allowed to arrest and search them? Mentors get back saying "yes, aiding and abetting." So I've now confirmed with mentors I'm in the right, inform the civ in LOOC, they continue arguing. I confiscate the weapons, bring them to a cell, and say all I'm gonna brig them for is weapons charge, 10 min. I COULD have given them another 10 for helping the rioter and lack of cooperation but I felt bad cuz they were already in a bad mood.

Before leaving I say in LOOC "while you are in your cell, go read space law, look up weapons posession under medium crimes, then scroll below capital crimes and find aiding and abetting" 

They respond in LOOC "Fuck you, I've read it enough...I'm right..also 'while you are in your cell?' ICKY OOCKY!"

I respond "ICKY OOCKY? Like asking me why you are under arrest in LOOC? or arguing the arrest in LOOC?"

He's says "FUCK YOU" admin turns off LOOC

Sort of felt like I needed to report their behavior but again, they were already having a bad enough time, so I didn't bother. Already felt bad enough about all the stuff I put the guy through already but, I've got a job to do. Pretty sure the admins were already dealing with the situation. I never got bwoinked so I'm all good. Just another day in shitcurity.

AS FOR THE RIOTS.

The round ended with the AI being pitted against the captain, AI obviously siding with rioters. Security was divided, some trying to arrest the captain, some trying to help captain. I believe the HOS remained neutral through the whole thing, and kept a fairly cool head despite the situation. Good HOS. Karma for him. I didn't know what the hell to do so aside from a few confused tase and handcuffs, I was just trying to prevent violence. I believe the captain ended up getting spaced. Shuttle was emagged. GAME OVER YEAAAAAAA!!!

If anyone wonders why someone would primarily work security, notably I've read someone saying "Anyone who works security primarily is a masochist"...once you get adjusted to the stress it initially causes, and are adept at dealing with all the various situations that are thrown at you, it leads to a hell of alot of interesting stories.

Seclife.

EDIT: I explained this story to my spouse, and we've now decided any time we get in an argument where one of us is clearly wrong, when the party who is wrong realizes they are wrong they are to end the argument by saying "FUCK YOU! I KNOW SPACE LAW!"

Edited by ZN23X
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Posted

I've got a quick, old story. It involves vampires and trials that no one needs.

It was a vampire round, and I was the IAA. Security was acting up here and there, but nothing I couldn't manage. That is, until the detective caught a vampire in maintenance.

"Hey, guys, I'm going to burn the vampire!" The detective said over the radio.

"DON'T FUCKING DO IT!" Replied me and the HoS, over and over.

Cue me rushing as fast as I could down to the chapel to stop the detective, as the entirety of security comes down to watch this vampire get burned. Meanwhile, Alex Rockwell, the unlucky vampire, is screaming over the radio that he's being dragged to the incinerator.

"DON'T BURN THE VAMPIRE" I yell again.

"Vampire is ash, mission accomplished!" calls back the detective.

Cue me shouting my lungs off at the detective for an illegal execution (Yes, I know it's silly that vampires can't be just killed on the spot. In my opinion, why bother having legitimate executions for vampires/changelings if CC won't let security detain vampires/changelings. But, I digress). Some officer then speaks up, and says, "Hey, why don't we have a trial!" If you know how I work in legal, you'll know that I absolutely abhor trials in any shape or form. This detective was clearly guilty of murder, even if he could have easily gotten parole considering he killed a vampire. None the less, everyone in security rushes back to the, at the time, newly added courthouse, to hold a kangaroo court for the detective. Seeing that there was going to be no reasoning with security, and being too tired to bother contacting CC, I opted to cryo.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Posted (edited)

There's just times where I think "Maybe getting banned wasn't so bad after all". My evenings are so much more relaxing now.

 

Honestly, looking back at two months ago, feels as if the accidental setting on fire of vampires was about every other round I was warden.

Edited by Splgrk
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Posted

Why do people even incinerate vampires anyways?

I've been asking this for years. They aren't changelings, they can't revive themselves.

Nobody burns traitors and it's an illegal execution method. It doesn't make sense.

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Posted
17 minutes ago, Spacemanspark said:

Why do people even incinerate vampires anyways?

I've been asking this for years. They aren't changelings, they can't revive themselves.

Nobody burns traitors and it's an illegal execution method. It doesn't make sense.

Probably because they get hauled into the chapel for Vamp testing anyway, so they just use the incinerator while there.
Why sec takes them all the way from brig to the chapel though, no idea.

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Posted

I was in a low pop round as a non antag engineer. Someone had been disabling cameras around the halls so i decided to be a good worker and fix them.

Nek minut an officer charges in tazes me and radios in that ive been wrecking all the cameras. I get dragged off to the brig screaming at him the whole way. Get interrogated as they think im a traitor. Despite my constant denials I'm considered a risk and thrown in perma with the other 2 "traitors" for doing my job.

Turns out one of them was a ling and and had already eaten the other guy. After pleading with him not to eat me i realised that the half assed officer only took my hardsuit,pda,radio and backpack but not my insulated gloves or toolbelt. Decided to bargain

i let the ling out in exchange for not eating me and was promptly lasered to death on site by the same officer who arrested me for now being "a fucking ling". ?

 

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Posted (edited)

@apneaman the only response I have to that one is ????

I don't know how in God's name they managed to perma you with no real evidence of you being a traitor. Technically if they thought you were disabling cameras the most they could give you is vandalism and maybe workplace hazard.

Awful and paranoid sec crew...RIP

@Spacemanspark Come to think of it, I have no idea why either. I think it's for fear they will be cloned but you could argue that fear for any antag.

Edited by ZN23X
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Posted
2 hours ago, ZN23X said:

@apneaman the only response I have to that one is ????

I don't know how in God's name they managed to perma you with no real evidence of you being a traitor. Technically if they thought you were disabling cameras the most they could give you is vandalism and maybe workplace hazard.

 

In low pop there's not many in the brig to hear you scream. It was pretty average from the sec involved but i dont tend to ahelp that sort of stuff if i can rp my way out of it somehow.

 

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Posted
19 hours ago, Spacemanspark said:

Why do people even incinerate vampires anyways?

I've been asking this for years. They aren't changelings, they can't revive themselves.

Nobody burns traitors and it's an illegal execution method. It doesn't make sense.

I've talked to a few people who did this OOC. Apparently, a good segment of the population thinks that vampires come back from the dead unless burnt or borged (like changelings), since they do in pretty much every other medium.

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  • 1 month later...
Posted

Got a new one! So lately there's been a particular HOS who is rather absent on comms. I've grown accustomed to working with him when I'm Warden, doing my part as Warden while directing sec through comms.

This shift particularly I had the NT rep pull me into thier office to record a conversation about this. Asking me about the HOS performance and such. Apparently several officers complained about his absence saying he was too busy playing super commando, abusing his gear and access, to bother leading us. He also allowed the first ling we encountered to get away due to his super commando shenanigans. From my view, I noticed his absence but didn't care because I enjoy coordinating sec. Either way I was under the impression he was being demoted mostly due to the fact that he wasn't really leading security.

Not sure who's fault it was, but it took over an hour and a half to get him demoted and me promoted to the new HOS. During this time, Security managed to kill and dispose of 4-changelings. Some we burned, some we cut thier heads off. The only one that ever revived and got away was the one the original HOS allowed to get away.

As I am finally being promoted to HOS, another cling killed in chapel maint. I wasn't sure where it was killed myself but I ordered officers to have it's head cut off, which they did before it revived.

During this process the captain ordered it be burned, I informed the captain it's been dealt with as cutting the head off has the same effect, but the captain and AI spent the rest of the shift blasting me and security for failing to follow orders, on comms, via station wide, even in OOC after. 5 dead changelings, the only one that got away was the one the first HOS ramboed.

Captain and AI are freaking out because they think we are dragging around changeling bodies that are reviving, when we've decapitated them. Threatening to fire me and officers because we didn't burn them like they asked, despite the fact that we did ensure they won't revive. Good luck demoting me considering how long it took them to demote the first HOS.

Shift ended with the captain and AI blasting me and my sec crew over comms and station wide. When I did the same to defend sec they accused me of being unprofessional. Got nothing done the last 15 min of the shift because the captain was too busy power tripping about us not disposing of the ling the specific way they requested. The captain "fired" me over comms without faxing CC. Redefine comdom.

Code green shuttle on a changeling round. Given nothing but shit for it. No love for sec.

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Posted
7 minutes ago, ZN23X said:

Not sure who's fault it was

That would've been the NT rep. I was the HoP that round, and when I first tried to carry out the captain's order about demotion the rep came to me yelling about something. We did not see the HoS afterwards for a while, so as a HoP I did not went hunting after him. We tried to call him to the bridge, and he did not come. So the captain got mad, we set him to arrest, and once a beepsky found him I brought him in and took his stuff. Also, considering the agressive clings, the captain was somewhat right. I mean, I got killed 5 minutes into the round while I was SSD... Fun day, and also makes people pretty mad pretty fast. Let's face it, while you did not wrong it seems, the captain was already fed up with everyone, with a good reason.

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Posted

Need to add another verse to this because @Birdtalon a la Khakiri deserves recognition for his performance and that story itself is a long one.

So as said before. I started the shift as Warden. Early into the shift there is a breach in the armory and an e-gun missing. Reports of a vox on a purple coat seen in space around that time. 

A bit later as I walk by the lobby, Khakiri is standing there in a purple coat. I pause and raise an eyebrow.

He says "Hihi"

I say "What's up"

"Nothings"

I'm thinking how many vox can be in purple coats? Did a cling steal his identity? He's not doing anything wrong right now, we don't even know it was actually him who broke in. Whatever, I'm busy. I move on.

A bit later Khakiri gets dragged into processing for something, honestly can't remember what. Search his bag. E-Gun. While processing him I had a short RL issue I had to deal with, informed him in LOOC and I didn't go SSD for the few minutes I was away so he technically have pulled something if he wanted n didn't. I appreciate this.

He's been pleasant through this whole process so I tell him I'm giving him the minimum, 10 for weapons posession, 10 for breaking into the armory. As prisoners tend to do, as soon as I put him in his cell and remove his cuffs, he starts causing a ruckus. Bit of a scuffle. Officer assists me. We get him in his cell. Apparently he didn't want the minimum. I bump him up to 30 min and tell him why.

Now again this shift I've been dealing with coordinating sec as we have absentee super commando for a HOS. While dealing with comms and whatever else he's trying to break out of his cell. I go tell him if he keeps trying to break out I need to reset his timer every time he does, first and last warning.

He does repeatedly try to break out, I need to keep resetting his timer to the point where he is in there so long his original sentence would have been long over. Straight jacket time to give me a break. He's requesting perma but I told him he hasn't done anything worthy of it yet. Something he worked to correct shortly after.

After breaking out of his straight jacket he gets through the inner glass of his cell. Repeatedly tosses his nitrogen tank at the electrified grill sending out tesla arcs that manage to kill the brig doc, the magistrate, and nearly me. I survive because I managed to hide behind a wall and hit myself up with the first aid kit I carry around. He breaks into the lobby. My taser and baton are toast from previous encounters. A stunning display ensues as what appears to be all of Security swarms the lobby and fires disabled beams from all directions. He is hard to keep down but we manage. Up till this point I just assumed he had the combat virus virology developed that was helping assist him in getting up quicker, now I'm beginning to suspect there is a bit more in him.

As the entire security force dispersed from the lobby one officer comments "Damn, if we could respond to all threats like this..." and we all laugh. Now Khakiri in isolation awaiting approval for an execution. Because of his display in the lobby I decide to weld the vents in his cell, just in case.

Execution approval comes in. All of Security is excited for this one due to the trouble he's caused so I invite them to come watch. Get outside his cell.

"Its your lucky day! Execution approved!"

Open his cell. OH SHIT. AN ARMBLADE! Begins assaulting me, causing severe damage to my chest before the rest of sec kills him. I'm in bad shape, coughing up blood, clearly broken ribs, but refuse medical treatment till his head is removed in brigbay. Brig doc says in LOOC that he is having UI problems with the surgery so I say I'll handle it in LOOC, IC I say "Doc I can see your hands are shaking because you are nervous, let me handle this" Cut the head off. Done deal.

Doctor begins to try to fix me, but it was too late. I succumb to my wounds.

In deadchat "Welp...that ling did a number in me lol"

Birdtalon "Oh good Tetra, you died, that makes me somewhat happy"

I compliment him for his display and for hiding his abilities for so long, we chat about the whole encounter n have a laugh. I'm revived. Give him karma. I rarely give antags karma but the whole experience was just too entertaining.

Wasn't the first time a prisoner broke thier cell n zapped be but I've never seen  it done so efficiently and do so much damage. Well done.

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Posted

I've had a few good stories from playing Security.  (BRAG)Like the several times I've discovered cultists super early on by checking for falsewalls in maint.(/BRAG)

But my absolute favorite story from playing Security, the one that I share even with friends who aren't familiar with SS13, is from a round where I was playing Detective.

Playing as my character, Maxwell Edison, I decided to hit the bar and try to outdrink my "sober" gene.  As I downed more and more alcohol I noticed that the drunk speech effect, where it randomly capitalizes and misspells words in your speech, is coming and going with everything I say.  Eventually I get called to the brig for something and on my way over I get that hazy screen overlay that happens when you're super drunk.  The Captain, HoS, and Warden are all there, and they take note of my strange speech patterns.  The HoS asks, "Detective Edison, are you drunk?"  To which I reply, "No," and then immediately pass out drunk.

For reals, it couldn't have been timed more perfectly if I had planned it.

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Posted

Kudos back at you @ZN23X for not breaking under the pressure, you managed to keep me under wraps until the end regardless of my repeated attempts to break free and cause problems! It was frustrating at the time to be met at every turn but I can only compliment the rigidity of your security force, considering your Head of Security at the time also.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Posted (edited)

May not have been in security.. but as captain, I believe that qualifies in the sense what they do is still my responsibility.

I don't remember the exact details any more but as captain I had a HoS literally go rogue, throw insults over comms to the point even the NT rep came down on him in common... basically.. the epitome of shitcurity. It was bad enough Wolf who was NT rep recommended his removal.

Finally I had enough one more incident and 2 previous warnings, told him to come to the bridge. He didn't take demotion too well and went rogue. It took security and Alice (our blueshield that round) to finally bring him in. The problem? His warden came in, refused to accept this, and also tried to start a fight. Alice robusted both of those bastards, in full riot gear without even breaking a sweat.  AND NEITHER OF THEM WERE ANTAGS.

Soon enough we had replacement warden and HoS but that experience basically told me even as captain, I can't always trust security... and that's a bad position to be in.

This incident is one of those reasons I'll take the captain slot as a last resort or if I'm really in a mood to abuse myself...

Edited by whiskeyfur
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