Tales from Shitcurity.

[ZN23X]

@FeiH I love how you wrote that out. Deserves more than just a like. Good stuff.

[FeiH]

33 minutes ago, ZN23X said:

@FeiH I love how you wrote that out. Deserves more than just a like. Good stuff.

Thanks :D

[WingedYordle]

Wolf as Warden

Round was changeling

Started off with me shirtless, wearing the red gloves and foot wraps. HoS comes in and sees me and informs me that while under her command, I need to wear a shirt. I was in the middle of processing the B&E inmate at the time and barked at her that I would only wear the armoured trench coat. She agreed and gave it to me.

Later on in the round, we caught our first changeling. Standing beside the changeling, ready to knock it on the floor if they try to move, HoS comes in running with a fire axe. Frowning, I stood and watched her hack the head off the changeling only to miss and hit me in the neck, causing bleeding. Cussing her out, I go see the vox medic in brig to get patched up. The HoS apologies while I continued to made fun of her abilities. She spiked the first head in lobby.

Later, medic voxxy came in and gave me the ability of invisibility thanks to his kin who found it in Genetics. Of course I took it when offered. Much later, second changeling was caught and I was promised to behead this one. Which I put the changeling in a choke hold and clawed his head off. Going invisible the HoS watched this happen and decided to start to axe it. I guess I took too long, anyway, she missed completely and hacked at my invisible body giving me internal bleeding and broken skull. I barked more threats and called her an idiot before going unconscious while vox doc fixed me. After surgery, told her to fuck and thrown her jacket on the table in my office. I believe we removed one more changeling before shuttle arrived. Awaiting to dock at central, the HoS fired a X-ray gun at an sentient xeno in the cockpit, which went through the walls and hit me twice and Sam once. He defence was she only fired once.

[FeiH]

I'm at the chapel investigating the usual DEUS VULT KILL THE CULT chaplain nonsense (in a traitor round no less!) when I spy the librarian beating someone to death through the south window. Naturally I shoot at him and he flees into his office, screaming at shitcurity. 

"IT WAS SELF DEFENCE"

When I spotted him I examined him and saw he was clean - no bloodstains or bruising. "really? Then why were you perfectly healthy and free of any bloodstains?"

"I WAS AT MEDBAY AND THEY HEALED ME!"

"as if medbay is known to give their patients a shower after treatment."

silence. 

"Fucking shitcurity."

he makes a run for it. I cuff him. He claims he has proof that he was at medbay for damage - a scanner log in his backpack that said he had a whopping three (3!) units of eye damage. 

Brig him for 10 minutes. He SSD's. 

[ParemberKennard]

I've put in about a collective week of playtime working out how to play Warden. It's been an interesting process, mostly a test on how much bullshit I'm willing to put up with on a regular basis. Still, starting to love the role, mostly because I'm not quite robust enough to act in field reliably and my security character is an IPC. Robot man likes paperwork and yelling. Robot man gets to watch the gun locker and brig.

There's been a trend I've noticed where non-antags give the most fuss and entertainment when it comes to processing. Save the odd freedom implant and one incredibly persistent vampire, if there's an antag in custody, the procedure goes like this:

1. Rifle through his goodies.
2. Check his PDA if it's a traitor round or you don't know.
3. Ask if he murdered anyone.
   1. If yes, hurl his ass out an airlock legally execute him after a captain's fax.
   2. If no, gulag him with the cuffs still on  implant and perma.

Almost letter for boring as shit letter. Once an officer officially captures a baddie, I'm basically fluff protection.

No, the best ones are the obviously innocent civilians that totally didn't decide to break into chemistry because they had to wait two seconds. Because they're so obviously right, you're just being shitcurity for holding them for a clearly, totally, 100% just cause. Or, alternatively, the ones with snowflakey characters that have this one weird quirk or another that they will, without fail, act on, no matter how annoying or validating it is.

The case that taught me this lesson in force was Mask Guy. I don't recall his name, and I don't really want to, as I think he'd want to be remembered like this. Mask Guy got brought in on charges for breaking and entering and possession of a weapon in the form of a spear on his back. Story checked out and by how it was told, he sounded like he was going to be somewhat of an issue later. So I left the spear in evidence and was set to brig him for fifteen minutes.

Now, he didn't have his ID on, and he, as the title Mask Guy would suggest, was wearing a mask. So I had to take it off to get a name for the records.

Mask Guy did not like this.

Mask Guy didn't like this so much he began to *scream his head off, screeching "MY MASK" just slow enough to not be considered spam, and started wriggling out of his cuffs whenever he was left still. I ignored it, annoying as it was, and began moving his stuff into the cell locker. For some now unfathomable reason, I threw his mask in there as well. Mask Guy was distraught at this, even more so if that was at all possible. Once I set the timer and uncuffed him, he immediately started causing a ruckus, continuing the *screaming and cries for his mask. After a minute or so of this, I worked out that one, I didn't want to sit in my office and listen to this shit for fifteen minutes straight (because God knows he would've kept that up) and two, it was kinda a dick move on my end. So I walk down to the cell, ask him to step away from the door...and get promptly attacked by Mask Guy.

This began a routine of where someone would try to get Mask Guy's mask back while keeping him in containment, failing, and having to taser him and start the whole process over again. While Mask Guy was being a general shit about the whole situation, it was a bit of a fail on security's end as well. It took motherfucking three of us to actually get things calmed down enough to get a shrink on the case. And one of us, I.E me, had goddamn Krag Mava gloves that would've fixed at least part of the problem.

Lessons learned from that story: Get robust, don't take personal effects away. Fuck knows the repercussions it can have on your psyche.

While I'm here I may as well bring up the case of the Mystery Meth Generator. One shift, the detective came around with a handcuffed civie in hand, saying she broke into his office and began beating the hell out of him. Assault it is, throw her in the brig, same old same old. Except I go to update her security records, and her name isn't even on roster. Huh, that's weird. Even more weird is the fact she's spouting out nonsensical insults in a very pre programmed fashion. I had a test server on hand for para's code base so I put two and two and figured it wasn't an actual person. I assumed adminspawn at the time, but now that I know of the kind of random bullshit that can happen around here, I'm less sure.

I was fine with playing along. So I made a new record for her and began filling in the proper credentials. Then I start hearing punching noises. Uh oh. I go to the cell, and there's the brig phys, getting his shit kicked in by the inmate. Wanting to be fancy (as our doc was probably getting his bones broken, dumb I know), I went for a leg sweep....and absolutely nothing happened. Stun baton? Nope, nothing. And now I'm disarmed and on the floor. One random officer coming in for backup later, we manage to get her under control. The brig phys said they needed treatment for toxins damage. Later, she was scanned, and it said she had 100+u of Meth in her system. After another bout of attempted drug fueled escape, she finally stopped and calmed down. To this day, I have no clear idea what the fuck happened there.

Outside of a noteworthy HoS and a lightning fast Rev, things have calmed down for my Warden shifts. I'm no longer terribly un-robust, and I can remember Space Law charges pretty well. I like to think Security likes playing with BMU-Maverick. In reality I'm sure he's on the shit list. Ah well. I'm learning at least, that's the important part.

Edited September 5, 2017 by ParemberKennard

[bryanayalalugo]

1 hour ago, ParemberKennard said:

I was fine with playing along. So I made a new record for her and began filling in the proper credentials. Then I start hearing punching noises. Uh oh. I go to the cell, and there's the brig phys, getting his shit kicked in by the inmate. Wanting to be fancy (as our doc was probably getting his bones broken, dumb I know), I went for a leg sweep....and absolutely nothing happened. Stun baton? Nope, nothing. And now I'm disarmed and on the floor. One random officer coming in for backup later, we manage to get her under control. The brig phys said they needed treatment for toxins damage. Later, she was scanned, and it said she had 100+u of Meth in her system. After another bout of attempted drug fueled escape, she finally stopped and calmed down. To this day, I have no clear idea what the fuck happened there.

You probably encountered one of those SNPCs, you can usually tell they are not "normal" by a description they show when examining them, and I find them to be REALLY creepy.

 

One round, I was the Warden and all was mostly calm in early shift, except for the one or two minor level crimes.

Suddenly, we hear reports that there was a fight in the HoP office involving the HoP and a Civilian. It was found out that the HoP used their energy gun, on lethal, against said Civilian who trespassed in. The HoP is brought in, while the Civilian was attended to in Medbay. By this time, the Security staff and I know the HoP is incompetent, since earlier in the shift, they approved two Security transfers with not notification of it.

I start questioning the HoP, in order to see what exactly happened in the HoP office. They then start spewing insults on how their arrest was not a legal one, Security is incompetent, and that we were "crap". Five minutes in while I dealt with this crap, the Civilian from earlier was brought in. I quickly questioned them, very sick of dealing with that idiot HoP. From what I got from the Civilian, they broke into the HoP Office to teach a "lesson" on the HoP for giving them a terrible title (Its one of those HoPs at this point). I find nothing incriminating on them, then I grab them, place them in their cell under the charge of Major Trespass, and give them 25 percent off of their sentence for being polite and cooperative.

Next, the HoP. At this point, I didn't want to deal with them anymore, due to their rude behavior. Since they clearly defaulted into using lethals, and that Medbay responded to me that the Civilian's injuries were rather severe, I charge the HoP with aggravated assault, FULL TIME. As I finish removing their stuff, including their ID (since they could use it to get out the cell) to place in the cell locker, the jerk decides to commit suicide on the spot.

Besides that occurrence and some other happenings, the shift went rather well for Security, we even captured four Agents.

 

Edited September 5, 2017 by bryanayalalugo
Fixing wording

[ZN23X]

@ParemberKennard I find Warden to lead to some of the most interesting and rewarding shifts over any other role, including antag, as long as you can handle the BS. The reward is plentiful. Good stuff.

And yea as @bryanayalalugo said, you were dealing with a SNPC.

I remember the first time I dealt with one as warden I had NO CLUE they were not player controlled cuz I didn't know that much about the admins capabilities and didn't know it existed. Same story. Damned thing kept me busy for a good 30 min, it kept hacking it's cell door super fast despite me removing everything but it's jumpsuit. I was so confused. I kept trying different cells convinced the doors were broken or something. Damned thing hit SO hard too. At one point it ran into the firing range  (this was before the brig redesign) and the thing hit me so hard I was fearing for my life so I said fuck it and lethaled it convincwd i waa gonna get in trouble but I was so desperate at that point. Immediately after it dies @Spacemanspark BWOINKs me saying "WHY'D YOU USE LETHALS ON AN UNARMED PRISONER?" and some sort of threat about being banned. I am flustered trying to explain what was happening and how I feared for my life and he's like "THAT'S NO EXCUSE!" citing how I'm a member of security and held to a higher standard than random greytide. I continue to plea and then he comes at me with "You've been pranked" and proceeds to explain to me what a SNPC. Good times. Speaking of, Spark, it's been a while since you got me that good. Challenge issued. Don't be gun shy, you know I won't make a big deal out of it if you take it too far. I enjoy my unique experiences lol

Edited September 5, 2017 by ZN23X

[ParemberKennard]

1 hour ago, ZN23X said:

And yea as @bryanayalalugo said, you were dealing with a SNPC.

...I continue to plea and then he comes at me with "You've been pranked" and proceeds to explain to me what a SNPC.

3

Yeah, at the time I assumed adminspawn. Again, I worked out how to run a test server by now and ran into them when spawning dummies. Didn't know they were that destructive though.

Seeing how I was still in single digits for shifts as Warden, I didn't wanna be that guy that lung punched a player into hardcrit. Gotta say it was fun up until I had to cart them out of a radiation belt. If this was also Spark's doing, it's a great practical joke, especially for newer management. It helped loosen up a bit, I get all kinds of anxious in roles with a more immediate responsibility in them.

[ZN23X]

2 minutes ago, ParemberKennard said:

Seeing how I was still in single digits for shifts as Warden, I didn't wanna be that guy that lung punched a player into hardcrit.

There is a possibility that as a young warden a prisoner convinced me they had a bomb implanted in them that they could set off with a code word and I continually neck chopped them on the way to the shuttle to avoid being blown up, only to have the brig doc inform me that I had killed them by the time we reached escape bay XD

[Spacemanspark]

get pranked

[Kyet]

4 hours ago, bryanayalalugo said:

Next, the HoP. At this point, I didn't want to deal with them anymore, due to their rude behavior. Since they clearly defaulted into using lethals, and that Medbay responded to me that the Civilian's injuries were rather severe, I charge the HoP with aggravated assault, FULL TIME. As I finish removing their stuff, including their ID (since they could use it to get out the cell) to place in the cell locker, the jerk decides to commit suicide on the spot.

 

If a head suicides, AHELP it.

Admins take a dim view of heads suiciding. They're meant to ahelp, tell command, put items away, and cryo if they want to leave the round.

Using suicide to get out without these notifications, especially if its because they're being brigged for being terrible, is a job-bannable thing.

[bigfatbananacyclops]

@bryanayalalugo i was there, and that HOP wasnt great at all.

[linukas]

I remember this one time when I was security, cargo decided to declare its independence as cargonia and barricaded themselves into the warehouse. It took the security team around 20 seconds to stun and cuff the 4 or so inside armed to the teeth as they were woefully unprepared for the officer charge.

[FeiH]

Spicy shift today, peeps.

Round start I'm a syndie collaborator. In the middle of the round I spot the chaplain's corpse, having committed suicide. I take his clothes and his ID so I can dress up in the cool witch hunter garb when a Diona walks up to me and tells me to incinerate the body. I can immediately tell that this person is a syndie, so I play along since I like to have fun. I'm in the process of helping him destroy another body when he starts telling me that he's going to kill me... Alright. I call his bluff. He slips me and feeds me ketamine but luckily he's a diona so he can't abduct me at all, so I retaliate by slipping him and cuffing him before dragging him to security.

First, he gets stripped in the hallway. Then they find a power glove. The security officer has no idea what to do so he's calling the HOS... who's too busy doing something else to check on the, you know, syndicate agent with a power glove who killed one person and tried to kill me. He passes by processing ONCE and says "hold on I'm doing something", because he's putting on a big court trial of demoting the warden instead of doing important shit. we sit there for probably 15 minutes until the officer says "fuck it" and permas him as an EOC. 

[linukas]

On 9/24/2017 at 7:13 PM, FeiH said:

Spicy shift today, peeps.

Round start I'm a syndie collaborator. In the middle of the round I spot the chaplain's corpse, having committed suicide. I take his clothes and his ID so I can dress up in the cool witch hunter garb when a Diona walks up to me and tells me to incinerate the body. I can immediately tell that this person is a syndie, so I play along since I like to have fun. I'm in the process of helping him destroy another body when he starts telling me that he's going to kill me... Alright. I call his bluff. He slips me and feeds me ketamine but luckily he's a diona so he can't abduct me at all, so I retaliate by slipping him and cuffing him before dragging him to security.

First, he gets stripped in the hallway. Then they find a power glove. The security officer has no idea what to do so he's calling the HOS... who's too busy doing something else to check on the, you know, syndicate agent with a power glove who killed one person and tried to kill me. He passes by processing ONCE and says "hold on I'm doing something", because he's putting on a big court trial of demoting the warden instead of doing important shit. we sit there for probably 15 minutes until the officer says "fuck it" and permas him as an EOC. 

Yep i remember this, I think i was the officer in that situation.That hos really tilted me, I don't think I found a power glove but instead something else but the constant screaming from the diona that you were a traitor was just breaking me

[bryanayalalugo]

One round, as a Magistrate, security comes by and brings in a Vulpkanin (committed trespass or something like that). Being bored and making sure that the brigging process went smoothly, I went to go see the brigging, at that very moment, I see the prisoner is a gaudy, neon colored Vulpkanin (It was even mentioned that you could see them in the dark!) During their time in the cell, they were proving to be annoying.

Times runs out and they are let out. Ten minutes later, they were brought in, again. They get brigged, and during that time, they decide to howl as much as possible. It was a cult round or a traitor one. Either way, I was mostly by myself in the brig (no warden, physician went to do something, HoS and Officers were patrolling/seeing to antag activity). By the time their timer was up, I was very irritated at this prisoner's stupidity and the endless howling (even told them to shut up multiple times). The moment their timer announces their time is up, they suddenly drop dead (coincidentally, the armory blew up that very moment, but I think that was unrelated). An examination showed high burn damage (along with a lack of the ability of being cloned).

To this day, I am not sure if their death was admin related or something, but I cheered up when I saw them die randomly.

Edited October 7, 2017 by bryanayalalugo
Grammer

[AccointNaim]

I cant remember this round that clearly. But I will try my best.

 

I was a Warden, I heard over comms that the Captain said to the Brig Phys if they wanted a Body Scanner, Brig Phys said no.

Later, after dying due to a Teleporter Gun Traitor, with a Holoparasite then being cloned. We caught the TGT, and they were dead, and we knew they had a Holoparasite.

Brig Phys proceded to drag the TGT to their Brig Bay, revived them to full health. Meanwhile we were screaming at the Brig Phys they had a Holoparasite. Brig Phys procedded to revive them, thus making the Holoparasite out, killing me.

I got cloned.

We caught another Traitor, they were damaged. And due to the Brig Phys not accepting the Body Scanner, he died due to internal bleeding. We got the Traitor out, but they needed to be cloned. Brig Phys, proceeded to take the Traitor, try to revive them. And the Heart Tissue is damaged (You need to clone me dude), they try to revive them by repairing the heart, I was screaming at them. Then they proceeded to commit suicide.

Because I hated the Brig Phys, and they were stupid. The Captain decided to demote me for "Disregard of Human Life."

Angered by this, I proceed to leg-sweep and cuff the Captain, the Detective was there and shot me.

I was in Processing for 30 minutes, kept trying to escape. Then a Slaughter Demon showed up and killed me.

[Pckables]

Guess i'll add in one from a few months ago:

I started out as an engineer trying my best to learn the job. I was in the assembly line room to figure out how to fix it, then out of maintenance comes some spectral man in purple robes. Unaware of who, or what he was, I assumed danger and tried to run, but he was faster. I got stunned, dragged screaming for help at my location over comms, sent into a cult teleport rune under a table, and converted into a cultist. Security didn't respond, or really even notice anything. I was back walking around the station like nothing happened.

Now it was probably a bit more than an hour into the round, and things were starting to get hectic. Cultists had several teleports, and were summoning ghosts and building constructs en-masse. The final objective: Find, capture, and sacrifice security officer Reylaigh Young.
After learning how to function as a cultist, I teleport down to see most of Security is mounting a full-on assault on a cult teleport rune hidden in a secret room just above the HoP office; sec is in full riot gear and durands, against cult spectres and constructs, it was messy, probably a bit excessive.
I end up finding our target, informing the cult of her general position, and tail her until she gets distracted by two constructs in the engineering hallway. I do the typical stun and drag, the target is screaming my name and her position over comms.
The target gets successfully teleported to the cultist base, but before I could teleport myself, a single sec officer finally responds to the call. I try to run, but fumble for my emergency teleport paper. I get tazed, and in a frantic dance of button mashing and confused clicking, end up teleporting somewhere completely randomly.
I teleport to the cult room the sec was assaulting not 5 minutes ago.

All the runes are still intact, the room is just covered in blood and corpses. Despite at least 3 officers patrolling outside, I meander out the room I very obviously teleported into, and even walk past the guy that was JUST trying to arrest me 20 seconds ago and saw me teleport away. I didn't hide my name or face, it was just as if I was invisible that round. Nobody bats an eye, I just go back to the assembly room and teleport to base.
Everything ends up going smoothly and our lord is summoned without hitch.

I'd like to blame everything that happened on the chaos happening around the bridge, but I should have been nabbed by security at least 3 times that round.

Edited November 29, 2017 by Pckables

[Kitchi Ikamura]

This was during my Brig phys round when changlings was turning people into shina hoonkins.

 

I start out by doing the Brig bay run, breaking into the old maint surgery to nab the stuff inside for the brigbay (I nearly lost the IV Pole to a greedy Cargonian looking for stuff to sell off)

 

After setting up the Brigbay neatly I usually parouse through peoples medical history on the medical laptop in the brigbay (I'm creepy yes, knowing all your medical secrets), anyway after a good amount of reports of people being turned into vulpkanins (Klees left the station with a lot of wives that round) I decided to ask the warden for a lethal weapon to defend myself with which they gave me.

 

And so time passed I decided to pop to medical to get some more supplies, apon returning to my brigbay it is covered in blood and the security team was ATTEMPTING to remove a changlings head (Squashy) using my surgery kit, whom escaped via the disposal bin ( I had disabled the pump and such earlier, so it means they activated it while I was away getting medical supplies.)

 

After cleaning up my beautiful brigbay, for some reason a changling attempted to kill the warden and failed, attempting to escape I rush out with my Lazer gun and we both, begin to kill it, after killing it the WHOLE security team rushed to brig and begin attempting to slash its head off (I had no knife but I was using my Vulp claws in attempt to behead it, being a vulp is beautiful in that way)

 

After a good while, the head wasn't coming off, so I dragged it straight into my brigbay, plopped it on the table and began attempting to amputate the head, while security was yelling at me to hurry, after several failed attempts due to buggy surgery prep, I eventually behead the beast as security walk out like there was no problem ( I was furious from the constant bombardment from security as I attempted something stressful!)

 

TO relieve my fury, I decided to gut the changling medically by removing its organs (except the appendix, aint touching that) and removed its brain from the bodyless head, putting the brain into my backpack.

 

After a while I eventually escaped on the security escape pod, only for mike Murdock to stab me with a UE+UI injector of his DNA, turning me into a charcoal version of Mike Murrfox

 

That's my story.

 

Edited December 5, 2017 by Kitchi Ikamura

[25charactersorless]

3 hours ago, Kitchi Ikamura said:

After a while I eventually escaped on the security escape pod, only for mike Murdock to stab me with a UE+UI injector of his DNA, turning me into a charcoal version of Mike Murrfox

You sure that wasn't me? I'm almost positive I jabbed you with a UI+UE injector of Kennard's DNA at the end of that shift.

[napotion]

It was pretty cool my first time playing Warden. Shift begins and things are quiet so I head to get a haricut from my favorite foul mouthed barber. Immediately after I step out with my new cut the AI bolts the chinese restaurant with a guy in there shirtless and in laser tag armor. I don't know what the charge was against him but I asked him to come with me to processing so we can ask some questions. He complies and follows uncuffed into processing where I ask if we can search him, again he complies. Turns out he had two emags, a minibomb and an energy dagger.

Then began the fun part.

He gets permabrigged which was immensely more satisfying than an execution or borging. I visit him from time to time and we play basketball and pass the time shooting the shit. I brought him a jacket, a guitar, food and booze and tried to make sure he was as comfortable and able to have fun as possible while confined. During his time in the brig he played a lot of chess, tended a garden (which he gave me an apple from) and wrote a memoir about being a syndicate traitor. Eventually I got him paroled so we can play Nanomob Go! but then the shuttle got called thus ending our fun.

Don't be afraid to commit crimes y'all, prison is super fun!

[BottomQuark]

1 hour ago, napotion said:

Eventually I got him paroled

Well GJ.I know getting parole may be pain in the ass. I got someone parolled once too.

Also nice work with beeing nice to prisoners, most of sec does not even care about them.

[Duuze]

> Officer Ford on duty
> Start with regular patrol
> Come across a 10 mm clip in maint
> tape off  the area and call detective
> patrol some more
> CMO office broken into
>tape off  the area and call detective, detective is busy due to some monsters in cargonia
> patrol some more
> Sci chem broken into
> at this point def EOC afoot, so I go to investigate science.
> Check the server room because blood
> Borg lets me in and tell's me that QM has been making some strange requests, like plasma canisters.
> QM is suspect as fuck at this point
> I Go to cargo to investigate, some technicians let me in and QM bolts for the cargo room.
>  QM says "NOTHING TO SEE HERE", and closes the door.
> I demand he opens.
> He opens, where I can fully see a shooting range. Full of flamethrowers and pneumatic cannons.
>  I ask for paperwork to approve this dangerous shooting range made on company time
> QM runs to ATM and drops me 500 credits
> We agree that paperwork checks out.
> patrol some more
> get gibbed by antag out of nowhere

 

[Aletmagne]

I think my only tale of massive incompetence was when I was tased, cuffed and dragged infront of the HOS with the officer who tased me screaming "THEY HAVE A WEAPON"

 

...I was the Detective...

[ZN23X]

New story. One of the most interesting rounds I ever had as the pilot. Also a lesson to be learned here by sec who just wordlessly stun and cuff, and antags who just kill and ditch bodies.

I'm the pod pilot. While I'm sweeping the exterior of the station there are several explosions and comms goes down for what feels like longer than usual. I head to tcomms to check it but comms comes back just as I arrive.

Been using my GPS to navigate and notice a miner is at the derelict satellite, nowhere near the mining outpost. I go to investigate. Along the way I come across the syndie outpost with it's turrets already disabled so I decide I'm gonna hop out n check that out.

While I'm trying to figure out the door a vox miner shows up in a space pod. It's Biki. We chat for a bit. Can't remember word for word but it was like: 

Biki "Is founds somethings strangies"

Me "What?"

Biki hands me a bucket

Me "A...bucket..."

Biki "Yaya at derelicts"

I say I'll check the derelict when I'm done here, then Biki apologizes to me and hits me with a compact defib. I immediately go into crit cuz of my mechanical heart.

Biki cuffs me and the next 5-10 min consist of them attempting to revive me. Me popping in and out of deadchat. I was dying laughing. After I'm revived I'm cuffed to a chair. Dazed. We chat a bit more and I learn they are syndicate and need to steal the AI. They are taking my gear but leaving me alive. They traded out thier space pod and EVA for mine and left thiers in space right outside the syndie outpost. I don't know if they did this on purpose to give me a chance.

Biki leaves. The outpost is dark but I actually have a taser with a flashlight on me that Biki missed cuz it was in my holster. If not for that I would be using a zippo to navigate the outpost. 

After I get my bearings I decide I'm gonna go for it. I put internals on, put a table in front of the door to avoid being sucked out, and begin releasing pressure from the outpost. Once the pressure is somewhat stable I stumble out of the outpost and retrieve the mining EVA and spacepod.

I head into the orbit of the station and begin informing the warden of my situation via PDA. While doing this Biki happens to fly by. I'm flying around trying to avoid Biki shooting me while PDAing the warden to let me in through escape.

At some point Biki decides they will have better luck using a jetpack so they leave thier pod. After letting them chase me a bit I try to jump out of my pod and tase them. Success! But they just have had adrenaline cuz they popped right up. AND I forgot my cuffs at the outpost. Frick! We fight a bit out of our pods. They have a gun and hit me a few times, I desperately throw my taser to get away. Start treating myself with my first aid kid but I'm bleeding, broken bones, this won't last long. I float back to the station making security aware of my condition over common comms (I only had an engineer headset at this point). Biki finds me again. In a last ditch effort I rush them with my baton but they take me down with a few more bullets.

I'm in crit. They cuff me, stuff me in thier pod, and dump me at the brig outside the podbay. An engineering Borg finds me and starts dragging me to Medbay. IAA sees me being dragged from the brig then grabs me from the borg and starts questioning me.

Im woozy. I'm dying and tell them I need a doctor.

IAA says "What did they do to you!?"

That's all I heard before I passed out. I think the IAA thought I was an engineer that security nearly beat to death.

In medbay I'm shoved in a cryotube. That stabilizes me but I've many broken bones and lost alot of blood. I start explaining I'm an officer and an EOC kidnapped me and stole my identity. That I fought with them in space and they shot me several times.

Everyone is reacting, shocked. IAA chimes in "Don't worry, I'll sue them for you" They are gonna sue the guy who shot me. LMAO. Memes.

I pass out again. Too much blood loss. Internal bleeding. Next I know I'm on an operating table with my chest wide open. I scream. The doctor says "Oh shit maybe I should give them morphine or something. Too late. I pass out due to the pain.

Once I'm finally patched up I inform sec over comms that I've spent too much time in space and in surgery so I'm taking the rest of the shift off. Biki is glad to hear I'm alive over comms. Shuttle gets emagged while I'm on board. I don't care. Someone is throwing cigars everywhere but to my dismay all I have is a lighter. Round. Ruined.

What's the lesson to be learned? My initial instinct when I saw Biki was to stun and cuff before talking. I assumed they were up to no good BUT decided to see where things went. Had I ended it there none of the other stuff woulda happened. Same goes with if Biki just ended my round and left me there. So for those who do, stop trying so hard, allow something interesting to happen.

Because I karma'd the officer who gave me a holster early, I have a list of people I owe karma for this round. Biki. The surgeon, the IAA. I wrote all your names down and you'll be receiving karma in the future.

I'd tag Biki in this but I dunno thier username here.

Edited December 31, 2017 by ZN23X