User:Shaps-cloud/Rumors

In the beginning

There are many theories about how the universe came to exist. The devout followers of Ratvar have all sorts of complicated and arcane theories about how their God heralded sentience and finely crafted the beginnings of the universe in the great City of Cogs, passed down from generation to generation of His most devout servants. Nar'Sie's followers, on the other hand, have a far simpler and less developed canon for how the universe began, owing to the much more brutish and bloodthirsty followers She leads. Ichorstorians (academic experts on the Cult of Nar'Sie), have pinpointed one particular story of the universe's origin that became highly popular among blood cultists, though it appears that the story's popularity has less to do with the symbolism or veracity of the tale, and more to do with how angry it gets Ratvarian followers to hear. The tale goes roughly as such:

Roughly 600 years ago, Nar'Sie was born into a void! Then, shortly after, the far less interesting and elegant God of Machinery, Ratvar, was born. In this void, there was little for the two gods to do to pass the time. Ratvar began drawing up plans celestial plans for amazingly complex and breathtaking machinery, while Nar'Sie relaxed and contemplated Their existence. One fine day, while Ratvar was playing with His pipes, Nar'Sie accidentally bumped into Him and knocked Him over. This confused the two of Them greatly, as They had not even been aware of the concepts of something being able to be knocked over! So began the Age of Violence, as Nar'Sie laid the foundations for wrestling and martial arts by developing and practicing new moves, grabs, strikes, pins, holds, and more by bullying Ratvar endlessly.

One day (or night, whatever), Ratvar was feeling extra queasy from the endless beatdown His older sister had wrought on him. What happened next, and the precise moves that Nar'Sie performed on Him, have been lost to time and frequently lead to violent arguments and brawls among Nar'Sie's followers (like most things). The only thing they can all agree on is that it was a move that would become known as the "Puke Driver", a special modification of the Pile Driver that Nar'Sian cultists have tried to recreate for centuries to no avail. Upon being Puke Driven, Ratvar immediately began violently wretching and spitting up cosmos and elements across the universe, in an event that is popularly known as the "Big Blech" among Nar'Sian scholars.

The tale is laughable and blatantly inconsistent with most of recorded history, though this fact fails to concern the Nar'Sians who swear by it. In the end, to them, as long as it makes Ratvarian followers upset upon hearing it, it will continue to be passed down among their disciples.